Humans are social creatures. It seems intuitive that talking to other people should increase our feelings of happiness and social connectedness. Many studies show the negative effects of loneliness on health and happiness. Previous studies have also found that we are happier when interacting socially, but most of these studies have used only self-reported measures.
Hanging out with family and friends not only can be fun, but research also shows it benefits your mental and physical health. Dr. Craig Sawchuk, a Mayo Clinic psychologist, agrees that socializing is key to good health.
“Socializing is good for your mind and body and makes you happier!” Also, “We are social animals by nature, so we tend to function better when we’re in a community and being around others.”
He adds that people who spend a lot of time alone, such as the elderly or new moms, may have an increased risk of depression and lower quality of life. You don’t have to be supersocial to see benefits of connecting with others.
“Just being able to shoot the breeze, you know, about certain things can be a very, very positive type of thing,” Dr. Sawchuk says.
Previous research
Research has shown that people feel happier when interacting with others and that happy people interact more with others. Similar results were found in the current study. People who had more social interactions were happier on average than those who interacted less. People also felt happier and more socially connected when they spoke to others in the past hour, compared to when they did not. The amount of social interaction during the hour also made a difference. The more time people spent interacting socially during the hour, the happier they felt. In other words, someone who spoke to others for 40 minutes was happier during the hour than someone who spoke for only 10 minutes during that 60-minute period.
Introverts vs extroverts
With regard to introversion versus extraversion, this didn’t seem to make much of a difference. Both introverts and extraverts were happier when they interacted socially than when they did not. But introverts seemed to be especially happy when they were having more in-depth conversations.
Other benefits
Socializing not only staves off feelings of loneliness, but also it helps sharpen memory and cognitive skills. Also, it increases your sense of happiness and well-being and may even help you live longer. In-person is best, but connecting via technology also works.
“There’s an opportunity for some protective effects or some beneficial effects of being able to use technology to bring socialization to individuals rather than putting it on the individual to seek it out themselves,” Dr. Sawchuk says.
One of the most common things I hear from people who struggle with conversation is that they “hate small talk.”
Well, even though I love small talk, I understand why a lot of people dislike it—it seems superficial. People don’t care 100% about the things that they talk about or about the things that you talk about. They’re just talking to talk.
“Hey, how’s it going?” “How are you?” “What’d you do last week?” “Where are you going?”
It might feel like a waste of time or something you’d rather not do. But there’s a big reason why it’s super-valuable to master it.
Steps to making small talk: 5 main principles
There are five strategic tips on how to get better at small talk and be able to start a conversation in any situation.
Show a genuine interest
If you want to polish your conversational skills and find out how to make small talk effective, you have to dismiss any prejudice that this type of conversation is meaningless. Every new person you converse within your life represents a new unique opportunity. Perhaps, you can even become friends in the future. Maybe they will become your customers or you will learn something helpful from them.
Ask open-ended questions
People like to talk about themselves. Why? Because it’s the easiest subject to discuss. It’s always harder to speak about something you know little about. Would you rather explain Shakespeare’s influence on film and television or talk about your favorite movie?
Never talk about something too personal
When you begin a conversation, you know almost nothing about the person. That’s why an author, speaker, and blogger Gretchen Rubin suggests choosing topics common to both speakers.
The forbidden topics are the person’s health, religion, and political views. The best subjects are:
Weather
Sports
Shows and movies
Art
Your location or venue
Food or cooking
Hobbies
Professional interests and responsibilities
Just keep your chatting light and ask questions about the interests, job, or surroundings.
Practice active listening
Active listening is a way of communication that involves consciously going into what another person is saying. Of course, all of us tune out from time to time. But if you pay attention to the speaker’s words, you’ll create much stronger connections. No doubt, the other person will surely notice how engaged you are.
Here are a few simple steps to help you become a better active listener during small talk at work or any other place:
Try to make eye contact for about 60% of the time that you are listening to the other person. Besides, you can nod your head occasionally to show your interest.
Never interrupt or prepare your reply while your companion is speaking. Keep in mind that the last thing a person says may change the meaning of what they’ve already said.
Don’t offer unrequested advice, suggestions or solutions.
As you listen, keep an open mind as well as withhold your judgment and stereotypes.
Be patient while listening, keep yourself fully present and relaxed.
Ask questions during pauses to clarify what is said.
Draw attention to nonverbal behavior to find out the hidden meaning of the speaker’s words. A tone of voice, an expression on the face and other actions can tell you more than words alone.
If you want to learn how to make small talk and be an expert at initiating and maintaining a conversation on any topic, you have to become an active and empathetic listener. Develop your active listening skills, and you will improve your conversational ability.
Look for opportunities to converse
Whether you like small talk or make every effort to avoid it, these tips will help you get the most out of it. If you don’t know how to make small talk with your boss or a stranger on reception, use these principles and you won’t lose face.
Keep in mind that the more frequently you conduct a conversation with someone you barely know, the more comfortable you’ll become. To overcome your fear of small talk, practice in an unfamiliar environment. Visit a networking event for another industry or ask your friends to bring you along to their work events. Good luck to you!
People react to failure in a variety of ways, influenced by personality, past experiences, and the specific context of the failure. Some may experience negative emotions like shame, disappointment, or anger, while others may learn from the experience and use it as motivation. Ultimately, how someone reacts to failure can significantly impact their future behavior and outcomes.
If you’re ready to make those hours count and find happiness and fulfillment in the office, then read on to find out how to be happy at work and find fulfillment in your career:
1. Discover the Root(s) of the Problem
For this first step, we’ll need to think back to 8th-grade physics (humor me). We all know Newton’s 3rd law, “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” When you think about it, the same can be said outside of physics, and we see this law play out in our daily lives, day after day.
Simply put, all the issues we deal with in the office (and life in general) affect us in a noticeable way.
If you’re appreciated at work, like the work you do and receive frequent praise, promotions, or raises, then this will probably have an altogether positive effect on your life in the office.
But what if we reverse this? What if you feel under appreciated, get passed up for promotions, or get denied raises? This is sure to affect the way you feel at work on a negative level.
So, before you can implement the steps of feeling happy and fulfilled at work, we first have to discover the reasons why you don’t feel that way already.
Think about it, write a list, or make a mental note. Run through all the reasons you’re dissatisfied in the office, and don’t hold back. Knowing the exact obstacles you’re facing will make overcoming them that much easier.
2. Practice Gratitude for an Instant Uplift
Did you know the simple act of feeling grateful can increase your happiness and make you more fulfilled at work?[1]
Well, it’s true, and it’s scientifically proven.
Dr. Lisa Firestone notes that practicing gratitude “reminds us of what we lacked in the past.” Meaning, it serves as both a boost to happiness and a bit of a wake-up call that things have been or could be, much worse.
Trying to conjure up feelings of gratitude can seem almost impossible when your work situation seems bleak but hear me out: There are incredibly easy ways to get started and it doesn’t involve trying to “force” yourself to feel grateful about things that stress you out.
For an instant pick-me-up, try this:
Find a loose piece of paper, a blank sticky note, or anything you can write on, be it physical or digital. List just three things that you are absolutely without-a-doubt thankful for in your life.
Now here’s the trick: Don’t just list what you’re grateful for, you have to list why you’re grateful for them, too.
For example, simply saying “I’m grateful for my kids” will probably make you feel good, sure, but what if we could amplify the warm, fuzzy feeling into real, lasting motivation?
Instead, write the reason you’re so thankful for your children. Is it because they make you laugh and forget about other stressors? Or maybe they help to remind you of why you go to work every day in the first place?
Whatever your reasons may be, jot them down and keep your list somewhere you can see it while you work. A quick glance at your gratitude list throughout the day can provide powerful, positive motivation to keep going.
Bonus:
If you can find just three things to be thankful for that specifically relate to your job, and list why those things make you grateful, your list can also help you find fulfillment in your work itself which can give you an even bigger boost of positivity throughout the day.
3. Take Meaningful Time for Yourself
We all know creating a strong work-life balance can be crucial to feeling satisfied in our jobs, but rarely do we ever address how we’re spending our time outside of work.
Many of us survive a 9-hour work day and commute home only to find ourselves busy with our personal to-do lists, running a household, and taking care of a child (or 2 or 3, and so on).
If you spend all your time working, whether in the office or within your household, you’re going to feel drained at some point. This is why setting meaningful time for yourself every day is highly important.
Look, I get it: I don’t know anyone in the working world who can shun all responsibility for a 3-movie marathon or happy hour with friends whenever they feel like it. But finding time for yourself, be it just 30 minutes to an hour, can really make a difference in how you feel at work.
This works because you’ll have time to actually relax and let the day’s stress melt away while you enjoy something just for you. The to-do lists and stressors will still be there after you’re refreshed and ready to tackle them.
No time for me-time? Try this:
If you have a busy household, you’ll need to capitalize on a block of time you know will be completely uninterrupted. The easiest way to do this: try waking up 30 minutes to an hour earlier than usual (or push bedtime back an hour if you’re a night owl, like me) and take time to do something you enjoy.
This could be reading with a cup of tea, catching up on Facebook, spending time on a passion project—anything! As long as it’s meaningful to you, it works!
Bonus:
Starting your day with meaningful time for yourself can set you up to have a positive mood that lasts well into office hours, and having your me-time in the evening can give you something positive to look forward to during the day.
4. Get Productive and Feel Accomplished
Don’t you just love the feeling of checking the last item off of a hefty to-do list? That’s because self-motivation can be a huge driver of positivity and success.
When we accomplish something, no matter how small, it makes us feel good, plain and simple. Applying this tactic to your daily work can be the motivator you need to find fulfillment during the daily office grind.
While there are tons of steps to get more done at work, I’ll share my personal favorite: Prioritizing.
Now, many people handle prioritizing differently. Some like to tackle the little tasks first so they can spend focused time on the big to-dos. Others like to knock out the big items first and get to the smaller ones when they can.
No matter which camp you’re in, you may be missing one crucial step: Time management.
So how’s this work? When you factor in the amount of time your priorities will take, it can transform your productivity ten-fold.
Say you have three top priorities for the day. You might jump into the smaller ones or the bigger ones depending on your preferred method, and then find yourself out of time and bringing work home with you at the end of the day.
This is prevented when you factor in time. Knowing how long each item will take, or deliberately setting specific blocks of time for your priorities can help you accomplish more in the same 8-9 (or 12) hours that you typically spend at work.
Try this:
Take a look at your priorities and consider how long they should take. Pop into your Google calendar (or Filofax, whatever works for you) and schedule time to work on your priority items around any important meetings or events of the day.
The most important thing to remember is to stick to your dedicated time.
Often, when we know exactly how long we have to work on something (and honor this time limit), we’re motivated to get more done on time to avoid taking work home at the end of the day.
The Bottom Line
There’s no need to waste 1/3 of our lives feeling unsatisfied at work. Luckily, you now have the tools to get started, take back your time, and become happy and fulfilled at work again.
You have to reconcile the fact that, in today’s competitive job market, employers receive approximately 250 job applications for every open position. Ninety-five percent of organizations (large and small) use software known as an applicant tracking system – ATS – to screen applications and eliminate the least qualified applicants.
If your resume is among the lucky 25 percent of applications that make it past the dreaded bots, it still must pass muster with the recruiter or hiring manager. With so many applications flooding their inboxes, it’s no wonder that the average recruiter skims a resume for only six seconds before deciding if the applicant belongs in the “no” pile.
To give yourself a fighting chance to make it to the “yes” pile, follow these simple rules and get rid of the deadwood.
When you’re getting to know someone, there are of course the standard set of questions you ask them. You learn how old they are, what their hobbies are, their favorite foods, TV shows, and movies. At this point you probably know them pretty well, right? Unless you know whether they taste soap or delicious freshness when eating cilantro, or who their favorite high school teacher was, there’s always a selection of random questions to ask to get to know someone even better — plus, they make great conversation starters.
Conversation-Starting Random Questions to Ask
What is your Hogwarts house?
What is the best card game?
What is the worst thing you’ve ever eaten?
Who is your favorite TikToker?
If you could have a super power, what would it be?
What was the last thing you lied about?
What is the most useless animal on the face of the earth?
What are your weirdest superstitions?
What app would you invent if you could?
What’s something you think is totally overrated?
What’s something you think is totally underrated?
What’s a trend you swore you’d never hop on, but eventually did?
What country would you most like to visit?
Random “Would You Rather” Questions to Ask
If you could time travel, would you go to the future or the past?
Would you rather lose an ear or a finger?
Would you rather vacation somewhere with a beach or mountains?
Would you rather drink hot coffee or iced?
Would you rather eat sweet foods or salty foods?
Would you rather have good looks or brains?
Would you rather be a character from Harry Potter or the Marvel Universe?
Would you rather be able to sing really well or dance?
Would you rather go to space or explore the deepest parts of the ocean?
Would you rather never be able to cut your fingernails or toenails?
Would you rather always smell like B.O. or have to smell B.O. on everyone else?
Would you rather never have to use the bathroom again or never have to sleep again?
Would you rather always be hungry or always be thirsty?
Great leaders promote a culture of curiosity – they lead with questions, not answers
Often leaders assume that people look to them for answers or bold assertions. However, smart leaders acknowledge they don’t have all the answers. They tap into collective wisdom. Great leaders encourage people to think by asking powerful questions instead of providing solutions.
Great leaders know that asking questions is not a sign of weakness but of curiosity. They model intellectual humility, reward critical thinking, and defy groupthink. Questions are the foundation of a “learn-it-all” culture that encourages co-creation, not competition.
Here are 9 powerful questions that every smart leader can ask. Hint: You don’t need a title to lead with questions.
1 – What am I missing?
What leaders fail to see gets them into trouble – that’s why they’re called blind spots. Almost all leaders believe they are self-aware, but only 10% truly are.
Acknowledging that you’re not seeing or understanding something about the team or project is a great way to increase your self-awareness.
2 – What did I learn today?
An effective leader knows that the growth and learning process never ends. Wrap up the day with a quick reflection on new things you learned about yourself, your team, and your organization. Identify lessons from both failures and successes.
3 – What am I doing to build into other leaders?
Julian Scadden, the CEO of Nexstar, believes that the role of a manager is not to manage or fix all the problems, but to lead their teams and grow them into leaders. This might seem obvious, but as he points out, most leaders have a secret addiction: They end up firefighting, day in and day out.
Scadden believes that the biggest challenge for leaders is to discover how to build their leadership – to get team members to care as much as they do.
4 – How am I contributing to the culture of the organization?
Tony Hsieh, the late Zappos CEO, often reflected on his role in shaping the company culture. He believed leaders’ primary responsibility is to take care of the greenhouse: They’re meant to create the right environment for people to thrive in.
5 – Who should I thank?
Effective leaders show genuine respect and appreciation for their teams’ contributions. Go beyond your direct reports and identify those who go the extra mile.
6 – What’s working? What’s not working?
Asking these two questions helped Jobs engage employees. The first question cuts to the chase , inviting people to openly discuss what needs to be fixed. It comes from a place of honesty and vulnerability: We are not perfect, so let’s address our issues.
The second question provides balance. If you only focus on issues, your team will feel demoralized. If you just discuss and celebrate the good stuff, the team loses perspective.
7 – What is everybody thinking and no one is saying? What are the past issues that we can’t let go of?
These two questions have proven to be highly effective in getting people to talk about the issues the team is avoiding. Of course, it requires setting the right environment, proper facilitation, and the right approach.
8 – If you were given full authority, what would be the one thing that you would change? Why?
There’s nothing like giving people total freedom to realize what they really need or want. I use this question when conducting stakeholder interviews for my clients. It never ceases to amaze me how removing the limitations (lack of authority) gets people excited about what the team should improve.
9 – What am I not hearing?
Author David Burkus believes there’s a reason why the warning “don’t shoot the messenger” became a cliché. Most leaders do want to ‘shoot’ the messenger. The above question acknowledges that the leader is missing many things and really wants messengers to speak up.
