Tag: Stress Relief

Create Your Life Handbook

One of the tools that has been crucial in my personal growth journey is my life handbook. What is a life handbook?

 

A life handbook is your guidebook to live your best life.  It consists of everything from your life purpose, your life goals, your action plans right down to your daily tasks. Your life handbook reflects the essence of what it means to be you and what it takes to live your best life. Think of it as your GPS for life. Read further to learn how to create your own life handbook.

How I Came to Create My Life Handbook

Back in 2006, I was about to graduate from university. I had already found my passion to help others to grow, but decided to work in the corporate world first rather than pursue it right away. I promised myself to keep my passion in mind and pursue it when the time was right.

Fast forward to 2007, and what had I done about my passion? Absolutely nothing! It wasn’t that I lost interest, but that I had been so busy working that I had no mental space to think about anything else after work. During weekends, I would either be working or recharging after a hectic work week. I also found the same non-progress in my Quadrant 2 goals like finding love, losing weight, and spending time with my family. Despite wanting to realize these goals, it was difficult to do so with day-to-day priorities screaming at me every day.

I realized that I needed some kind of tool to remind me of my long-term goals while helping me live every day to the fullest. Not a to-do list, because this is only a micro-tool that will help with managing daily to-dos but not long-term goals. Not an action plan, as it tends to be goal-based (e.g. lose weight or improve work performance) and doesn’t give me the holistic view on life that I needed.

What I needed was a guidebook for life. A guidebook that would consist of my life purpose, personal values, daily mottoes, long-term goals, short-term goals, and my personal life lessons. A guidebook that I could refer to every day to live my best life. This guidebook would assist me in my everyday thinking, decisions, and actions; it would also remind me of my long-term priorities so that I would always be moving toward them and not forget about them.

From there, my life handbook was born.

Benefits Of Having Your Life Handbook

 

Example of a Life handbook by PE reader Karin

A life handbook is incredibly powerful in many ways.

First, having your handbook is a key step to becoming a true leader of your life. Many people live aimlessly, with no clarity of what they want to accomplish. Creating your handbook forces you to reflect on your life, think about what you want, and create plans to realize them. Subsequently, your handbook becomes a crucial tool to live a life of highest purpose — purpose as defined by you.

Secondly, it gives you clarity. There are so many distractions in our lives that it’s easy to get sidetracked by them. Many things that are urgent but aren’t important can often take center stage and pull us away from the things that matter. Your life handbook reminds you of the important things that matter and to focus on them.

Thirdly, it is your guidebook for living a great life. Not sure what to do in a dilemma? Have a conflict that you don’t know how to resolve? Feeling a little lost in life? Well, refer to your life handbook! As you review your purpose, your values, and your goals, it helps you to reconnect with your inner self and to make the decisions that align with your highest being.

How to Create Your Life Handbook

Step #1: Decide on the Format. Soft Copy or Hard Copy?

First decide on the format of your book. Do you want to go soft copy (e.g. Excel spreadsheet, MS Word, or PowerPoint) or hard copy (e.g. a notebook or a physical folder)?

There is no hard and fast rule on which format to use; it’s up to your personal preference. Some of my clients and readers prefer a digital format for their handbook. Some prefer hard copy; they purchase blank notebooks and decorate them as their handbooks.

Personally, I prefer a soft copy handbook as 1) you can easily edit the information, 2) most software has functions to help you organize information readily, and 3) you can transfer it across different mediums like mobile, your work laptop, and your home laptop. I use an Excel spreadsheet for my handbook. Some PE readers have great success using EverNote and MS OneNote for their handbooks, so you can consider them as well.

If you want to use a hard copy handbook, that’s great too! Shop for a nice notebook to get started.

Step #2: Fill in Your Handbook

Your handbook is meant to be your manual for living. It should consist of anything and everything important to living our best life. Below is a good starting point of what to put:

  1. Your life purpose/vision/mission
  2. Your values
  3. Your strengths
  4. Your improvement areas
  5. Your life adages (i.e. your personal mottos on living a great life. These can be inspirational quotes or personal mottoes.)
  6. Your vision board (Vision boards are visual representation of your goals and dreams.)
  7. Your long-term life goals, comprising of 5-, 3-, and 1-year goals
  8. Your short-term life goals, usually a breakdown of your 1-year goals
  9. Your action plans to achieve your goals

 

While the above outline may seem a little hefty, there is no need to work on everything in one sitting; neither is it reasonable to expect that. Simply filling out one section (say, your life purpose) requires deep thought and self-reflection.

Rather, take as much time as you need. Do whatever you can today, then continue tomorrow. Two weeks is a good time frame to get the core sections in place.

Remember that your handbook is meant to be a work-in-progress. There will never be a point when your handbook is truly completed, because life is a journey to be discovered every day. Make it a habit to update your handbook daily, even if for just five minutes each time.

Step #3: Decorate it!

Your handbook is all about you, so personalize it! A great way to spice up your book is to decorate it with photographs and images that inspire you.

For example, for my healthy living goal, I have visuals of fruits, nuts, fruit/vegetable smoothies, salads and water (to remind myself to drink enough water every day). Different sections of my Excel handbook is color-coded to facilitate my reading.

Here’s an example of PE reader Kulit’s digital life handbook:

Life handbook by Kulit

 

No matter how many clients I work with, it’s always exciting to see how each of them puts together his/her handbook, as everyone’s handbook always turns out different. Your handbook is a representation of your individuality, so don’t worry about conforming to a certain “standard.” Rather, let your creativity flow!

Step #4: Have a backup (if you’re using a soft copy!)

Because your handbook is extremely important, have at least one backup. I back up my handbook via email every month and also save a copy on my external hard drive.

My Experience Creating My Handbook

After realizing that I needed a tool to guide me in everyday living, I created my life handbook in the form of an Excel spreadsheet. At that time, I didn’t think of this as my “life handbook” — I simply saw it as a tool to document my life lessons.

Each day, I would add to this document, edit the content, and structure the information. If I was busy, I would spend five to ten minutes on it; if I wasn’t, I could spend hours fiddling away! From my life purpose to my values, to my daily mottoes, to my long-term life goals, to my short-term life goals, I would add all kinds of information important to living my best life.

Before I knew it, this innocuous document had transformed into my life manual. It was about a couple of months before I finally felt that the core foundations of my handbook was in place.

Today, my handbook is a massive Excel workbook with nearly 20 sheets! It’s chocked full of knowledge that I have gained in my past decades of conscious living. Below is a partial outline of my handbook:

  1. My overall life purpose/vision
  2. My life-long goals
    • 5-, 3-, and 1-year goals
    • My 1-year goals, broken down into months
  3. My vision board
  4. My values
  5. My overall life adages based on what I have learned in life
  6. My strengths, improvement areas, and my blind spots
  7. Things that motivate me in life
  8. My strategies, plans and tracking for my goals
  9. Daily to-do list (Updated on an ongoing basis)
  10. Inspirational quotes
  11. Highlights of each year
  12. Annual reflections
  13. Miscellaneous information that I access frequently: My finances, my credit card information, grocery lists, etc.

After Creating Your Life Handbook…

  1. Look at your handbook every morning before starting your day. Start off by reviewing your purpose, then your values, followed by your mottoes, and then your long-term goals and short-term goals. You will find that just spending a few minutes looking through your book every day will give you immense focus and clarity, which will ripple out to create dramatic changes in the long run.
  2. Refer to it throughout the day to remind yourself of your goals. My handbook is open in my computer all the time so that I can easily refer to it throughout the day. If yours is a hard copy book, carry it with you wherever you go. My clients carry their handbooks with them everywhere they go and they refer to it whenever they get the free time.
  3. Update it constantly. From now on, use this book to record any information that’s important to you. Whenever you come across something meaningful and noteworthy, record that into your book. Whenever you have a new goal, include it inside. Whenever you get an aha, record it so that it doesn’t get lost. Soon, you’ll find that it becomes second nature to update your book whenever you think of something.
  4. Back it up regularly. If you have a soft copy handbook, please back it up frequently (every month is a good interval).

Congratulations on creating your life handbook! From today onwards, use it to guide you to live your best life. 🙂

Article by Celes.  Create Your Life Handbook – Personal Excellence

5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique

Use this exercise to find calm amidst chaotic thoughts

When we’re feeling anxious or panicked, our mind races and our thoughts bounce from one worst case scenario to another. In the midst of this spiral, it can be hard to see a way out.

However, there are simple exercises that can help us regain control of our thoughts. They’re known as grounding techniques, because they help us anchor ourselves in the present moment.

 

The 5-4-3-2-1 method is one of the most popular grounding techniques. “This technique helps us come out of anxiety, unpleasant thoughts, or worries.  It helps us come into what is right here, right now in the present, through our senses,” says Stephanie Strauss, a yoga, meditation, and mindfulness expert.

 

In this article, we explore the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique, taking a look at how it works, how to practice it successfully, and the benefits it offers. This technique can be a valuable tool, whether you’re facing a moment of intense anxiety or simply trying to be more mindful in your daily life.

Understanding Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques are exercises that help reconnect us to the present moment and reduce anxiety, stress, or dissociation.

 

When our thoughts drift away, grounding techniques can redirect our focus back to the present, centering us in our body and surroundings. This shift can interrupt the stress response and promote calmness.

 

Grounding techniques 

 
  • Sensory grounding: These techniques involve using our senses, i.e. touch, sight, hearing, taste, or smell, to anchor ourselves in the present moment. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique is a type of sensory grounding exercise.
  • Physical grounding: These techniques involve physical movements or actions that bring our attention back to our body and the present moment. Examples include deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or tapping exercises.
  • Cognitive grounding: These techniques involve engaging our mind in mental activities that shift our focus away from distressing thoughts or emotions. Examples include counting backwards, reciting a comforting mantra, or doing a problem or solving a puzzle.
  • Environmental grounding: These techniques involve creating a safe and soothing environment to help regulate our emotions and reduce our anxiety. Examples include creating a calming playlist, surrounding ourselves with comforting objects, or organizing our physical space.

How to Do the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique 

To practice the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique, follow these steps.

Identify 5 Things You Can See

Start by looking around and naming five things you can see. You can either say them aloud or quietly note each item’s details in your mind, suggests Strauss.  

These items could include a plant in the corner, a painting on the wall, a crack in the tile, a bird outside the window, or a charger plugged into a socket.

Identify 4 Things You Can Feel

Next, focus on what you can feel. Close your eyes if comfortable or keep your gaze downward, advises Strauss.

 

List four sensations you notice. These might include a breeze, the warmth of the sun, clothing fabric against your skin, the texture of your couch, or your breath as it flows in and out.

Identify 3 Things You Can Hear

Then, pay attention to the sounds around you and identify three things you can hear. It could be a horn blaring in the background, the low hum of the heater, or the television playing in another room.

For this step, you can continue to keep your eyes closed or your gaze downward, Strauss says. Notice the variety of sounds and their qualities.

Identify 2 Things You Can Smell

Next, engage your sense of smell. With your eyes still focused or closed, take a moment to notice two things you can smell right now. It could be the fumes of traffic, the air freshener in the room, or the aroma of food wafting toward you from a nearby eatery.

If you’re having trouble identifying any smells, you can take a sniff of your coffee, a nearby flower, or even just the air itself.

Identify 1 Thing You Can Taste

Finally, bring your attention to your taste buds and identify one thing you can taste. It can be the balm on your lips, the gum you’re chewing, or the lingering flavor of the lemonade you had earlier.

 

For this one, you can also close your eyes and imagine the taste of something, like your favorite tacos, the pizza you ate last night, or the meatloaf that makes you think of home.

Tips for Practicing the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique

These are some tips that can help you practice the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique successfully:

Recognize when you need it:

 

It’s important to realize when you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or panicked, so you can take a step back and do the exercise, says Strauss. “Developing this awareness is often the hardest part.”

Do it thoroughly:

Don’t rush the exercise. Strauss recommends going through each step slowly and deliberately, if your time permits, so you get to experience each sensation fully. However, if you’re pressed for time, do as many of the steps as you can.

Avoid judgment:

When you do the exercise, avoid passing judgment on the things you see, hear, smell, feel, or taste, as that can make you feel more anxious. Just notice and describe the sensations objectively.

Check in with yourself: 

Once you complete the exercise, Strauss recommends taking a moment to check-in with yourself to see how you’re feeling and whether there has been any change. “It’s OK if nothing has changed. This is just an opportunity to get curious as to what is here now.”

Repeat the exercise as needed: 

You can repeat the exercise as many times as you need to, until you feel calmer. Try to notice different sensations each time.

Experiment with different variations:

Try variations of the technique to find what works best for you, says Strauss. For example, you can get creative and try to identify things around you that start with a certain letter, to make the exercise more challenging and engaging.

Be kind to yourself: 

Approach each practice with kindness and self-compassion, says Strauss. “You may find that one day the practice works well and the next day it doesn’t, especially if the mind is extra busy that day.” Either way, be gentle and understanding with yourself.

Source:  verywellmind.com©

Photo credit:  Verywell Mind / Getty

Anti-Anxiety Diet

 

 

How does diet impact anxiety symptoms?

The things we eat and drink can play a role in regulating mood and anxiety levels. Nutrients — or the lack thereof — can affect brain chemistry, influencing emotions and stress levels.

Understanding how dietary choices could influence your mental state can empower you to make informed decisions for your well-being. However, some of these recommendations include common allergens and dietary restrictions, so be mindful of your needs and only consider incorporating what you can.

What to include in an anti-anxiety diet

A balanced diet rich in particular nutrients can bolster your body’s ability to cope with stress. These beverages and foods could help reduce anxiety:

Vitamin B: These vitamins play a vital role in nerve function and the production of energy and neurotransmitters, such as serotonin, which helps regulate mood. Consider including leafy greens, legumes, avocados, bananas, and eggs in your diet.

Probiotics: Gut health is linked to mood and mental health through the gut-brain axis. Probiotic-rich foods like yogurt, kefir, and sauerkraut foster a healthy balance of gut bacteria, which in turn, could help alleviate anxiety and stress.

Complex carbs: If you’re looking for foods that help with anxiety symptoms, opt for complex carbohydrates like whole grains, oats, beans, quinoa, vegetables, and fruits. These foods provide a steady release of energy and promote serotonin production. They also help maintain balanced blood sugar levels, preventing mood swings.

Omega-3 fatty acids: Fatty fish (like salmon), walnuts, and chia seeds are good sources of omega-3 fatty acids, known for their anti-inflammatory properties. Omega-3s support brain function and may reduce anxiety by regulating neurotransmitter activity.

Protein: Lean protein sources like poultry, fish, tofu, and lentils can aid in the synthesis of neurotransmitters involved in mood regulation, such as dopamine and norepinephrine. A balanced intake of protein helps maintain stable energy levels and promotes feelings of satiety.

Water: Staying hydrated is essential for optimal cognitive function, and dehydration can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. Drinking water throughout the day can help you stay refreshed and alert.

Foods and beverages that can make anxiety worse

Certain dietary choices could negatively affect your mental well-being. Things that could cause anxiety symptoms to become more intense or frequent include:

Caffeine: While a morning cup of coffee may provide a temporary energy boost, excessive caffeine consumption can trigger or worsen anxiety symptoms. You may want to consider limiting your intake of caffeinated beverages like coffee, tea, and energy drinks, especially if you’re prone to anxiety or have an anxiety disorder.

Alcohol: While it may seem like a relaxant, alcohol is a depressant that can disrupt neurotransmitter balance, interfere with sleep, and lead to increased feelings of anxiety once its effects wear off. Be mindful of alcohol’s impact on your mental health and consider making adjustments to support your well-being when needed.

Sugar: High-sugar foods and beverages can lead to spikes and crashes in blood sugar levels, contributing to mood swings and anxious feelings. Opting for whole foods can help you limit your sugar intake for more stable energy levels.

Processed foods: Processed foods often contain additives and preservatives that may disrupt gut health and contribute to inflammation, affecting mood and anxiety symptom levels. Choosing minimally processed or whole foods whenever possible can help support overall well-being.

Food sensitivities and anxiety

For some individuals, specific food sensitivities or allergies may contribute to anxiety symptoms. Paying attention to how your body responds to certain foods and adjusting your diet accordingly can be beneficial.

Anxiety treatment options

While dietary changes for anxiety can play a role in reducing symptoms, various treatment options for anxiety disorders and symptoms are tailored to individual needs and help address the physiological and psychological aspects of anxiety. Treatment options include:

  • Therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness-based therapy, and other forms of psychotherapy can help individuals with anxiety disorders develop coping strategies, challenge negative thought patterns, and build resilience.
  • Medications: In some cases, medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) may be prescribed to alleviate severe anxiety symptoms. 

You can work with a licensed provider to determine the most appropriate treatment approach for your individual needs. Cerebral makes that easy by delivering convenient access to online therapy, virtual medication management, and personalized treatment plans.

By incorporating anxiety-reducing foods and beverages into your diet, avoiding anxiety-inducing choices, and seeking professional support when needed, you can take control of your mental health. 

 

Source:  cerebral.com©

Photo by anxietyspecialists.co.nz

 

Too much caffeine?  Check out how to deal with it:

How to Neutralize the Effects of Caffeine – TUTORING YOU

 

 

 

 

 

15 Ways to Heal Silently After Going Through a Rough Marriage Pt 2

9. Spend time near water

There is something soothing about water. A river, a lake, the ocean, even just a fountain in the park. Sit there and just watch it move.

You might notice your own thoughts start to feel less chaotic, like they are flowing with the water too. Weird, right? But it works.

10. Make one small goal every day

Big goals can feel overwhelming right now, so pick something ridiculously simple. Make your bed. Call a friend. Cook dinner instead of ordering.

The point is to feel like you accomplished something. Every little win builds confidence, even if no one else notices.

11. Learn something new

Your mind deserves a little challenge, so take up a skill just because it seems interesting. Maybe learn a few words in another language, try a new recipe, or figure out how to fix something around the house.

The pride you feel when you finally get it right? Oh, it hits different. Makes you realize you are still growing, still capable.

©Diana Light/Unsplash.com

12. Talk to someone, even just once

You don’t have to tell your life story to everyone, but it helps to let someone in. A buddy or a sibling, maybe even a stranger if that feels easier.

Say what you feel out loud, even just one time. You’ll find that it can lighten the load more than you expect. People surprise you with how kind they can be.

13. Look at old pictures

Pull out those photos from before the marriage. Before everything got complicated. Look at the version of yourself who had big dreams, who smiled more, who was just… lighter.

It’s a good reminder that the person is still there. Maybe a little older, a little wiser, but definitely still in there.

©Cj/Unsplash.com

14. Declutter your stuff

No need to toss everything all at once, but start letting go of things that carry bad memories or just feel like baggage. Clean out a drawer. Donate a shirt.

Every item you clear out somehow makes you feel lighter, too. Like you are making room for whatever comes next and preparing for it.

©Dylan Ferreira/Unsplash.com

15. Let time do its thing

Sometimes the best thing you can do is… nothing. Just let time pass. Feel your feelings when they show up, and then let them move on.

You might wake up one morning and realize you feel better. No big fireworks, no big moment, just better. Healing has a sneaky way of showing up when you least expect it.

Source: The Modest Man©

Cover photo credit: ©Anne Nygård/Unsplash.com

(I hope you have enjoyed this article. Please comment if more of these will help with the healing.)

15 Ways to Heal Silently After Going Through a Rough Marriage

Life after a rough marriage can feel like walking through fog. Every step seems unsure, and yet there is this pull to keep moving forward. Healing, even when done in silence, can feel strange at first, but it can also feel freeing, knowing you can take full control of your life from here on out. 

These are 15 ways to heal silently after a rough marriage. Each one is simple enough to start today but deep enough to help you feel more like yourself again.

©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

1. Find your own space

Having a space of your own can feel like a breath of fresh air after years of compromise. Whether it is an entire apartment or just a corner in a room, claim it.

Fill it with whatever brings you even a little bit of joy. Photos, books, a comfy chair… heck, even just a clean bed. You will notice how your body kind of relaxes there, like it knows it is safe.

2. Go outside more often

Fresh air has this way of making everything feel less heavy. Stand under the sun. Feel the breeze. Listen to the world doing its thing without you having to do anything about it.

Even a short walk after work or early in the morning can change your mood completely. There is something about seeing the sky that reminds you there is still a lot out there for you.

©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

3. Write it down

Not everything needs to be said out loud. Sometimes the best way to get things out of your system is to write them down. Grab a notebook and just let your thoughts spill onto the page.

It does not have to make sense or sound poetic. Just the act of writing can help you see what is really going on inside. Plus, reading it back later might even surprise you.

4. Touch up on old hobbies

Remember that thing you used to do before marriage took over everything? Yeah, that. Start doing it again. Play guitar, paint, fish, cook, whatever makes you lose track of time.

The first few times might feel awkward, like you forgot how. But after a while, it starts to feel natural again. Kind of like shaking hands with an old friend.

5. Rest, rest, rest

Sounds simple, but man, it changes everything. A rough marriage can wreck your sleep, and bad sleep messes with your emotions even more.

Make your bed feel like a place you actually want to be. Think soft sheets, a decent pillow, and no glowing screens in your face. You want the kind of sleep that makes you wake up thinking, Okay, I can handle today.

6. Move your body

It’s tough to find the motivation to do anything when you’ve gone through a rough marriage. But sitting on the couch all day won’t do you any favors either, so get active and start moving your body.

Stretch in the morning. Do a few pushups during a commercial break. Take the stairs. It’s crazy how moving your body positively affects your mood and emotions. You start feeling stronger, you think about the good stuff more, and you feel like you’ve accomplished something meaningful.

©Mariela Ferbo/Unsplash.com

7. Spend time with animals

If you have a dog, cat, bird, or even a goldfish… spend time with them. Animals have this calming energy that humans just cannot replicate.

No pet? Visit a park where dogs play, or watch birds at a feeder. You might even find yourself laughing at how goofy they are. Animals remind you to just be present.

8. Watch something that makes you laugh

It is okay to let yourself laugh again. After all the heaviness, laughter almost feels rebellious, but in a good way.

Pick a movie, a stand-up special, or even a silly video online. Anything that gets you to crack a smile and maybe even forget for a minute how serious everything has felt.

This concludes part one of two parts. Join me Tomorrow for the part two conclusion.

Source: The Modest Man©

Why do people feel good when they’re alone? The benefits of positive solitude

Over the past few years, experts have been sounding the alarm over how much time Americans spend alone.

Statistics show that we’re choosing to be solitary for more of our waking hours than ever before, tucked away at home rather than mingling in public. Increasing numbers of us are dining alone and travelling solo, and rates of living alone have nearly doubled in the past 50 years.

Loneliness and isolation are indeed social problems that warrant serious attention, especially since chronic states of loneliness are linked with poor outcomes such as depression and a shortened lifespan.

But there is another side to this story, one that deserves a closer look. For some people, the shift toward aloneness represents a desire for what researchers call “positive solitude,” a state that is associated with well-being, not loneliness.

Psychologist findings join a host of others that have documented a long list of benefits gained when we choose to spend time by ourselves, ranging from opportunities to recharge our batteries and experience personal growth to making time to connect with our emotions and our creativity.

People are saying simply, “I want more me time.”

It’s also why I’m not surprised that a 2024 national survey found that 56 per cent of Americans considered alone time essential for their mental health. Or that Costco is now selling “solitude sheds” where for around US$2,000 you can buy yourself some peace and quiet.

This makes sense given that American culture holds up extroversion as the ideal – indeed as the basis for what’s normal. The hallmarks of extraversion include being sociable and assertive, as well as expressing more positive emotions and seeking more stimulation than the opposite personality – the more reserved and risk-averse introverts. Even though not all Americans are extroverts, most of us have been conditioned to cultivate that trait, and those who do reap social and professional rewards. In this cultural milieu, preferring to be alone carries stigma.

But the desire for solitude is not pathological, and it’s not just for introverts. Nor does it automatically spell social isolation and a lonely life. In fact, the data doesn’t fully support current fears of a loneliness epidemic, something scholars and journalists have recently acknowledged.

In other words, although Americans are indeed spending more time alone than previous generations did, it’s not clear that we are actually getting lonelier. And despite our fears for the eldest members of our society, research shows that older adults are happier in solitude than the loneliness narrative would lead us to believe.

True solitude turns attention inward. It’s a time to slow down and reflect. A time to do as we please, not to please anyone else. A time to be emotionally available to ourselves, rather than to others. When we spend our solitude in these ways, the benefits accrue: We feel rested and rejuvenated, we gain clarity and emotional balance, we feel freer and more connected to ourselves.

But if we’re addicted to being busy, it can be hard to slow down. If we’re used to looking at a screen, it can be scary to look inside. And if we don’t have the skills to validate being alone as a normal and healthy human need, then we waste our alone time feeling guilty, weird or selfish.

Americans choosing to spend more time alone is indeed a challenge to the cultural script, and the stigmatisation of solitude can be difficult to change. Nevertheless, a small but growing body of research indicates that it is possible, and effective, to reframe the way we think about solitude.

For example, viewing solitude as a beneficial experience rather than a lonely one has been shown to help alleviate negative feelings about being alone, even for the participants who were severely lonely. People who perceive their time alone as “full” rather than “empty” are more likely to experience their alone time as meaningful, using it for growth-oriented purposes such as self-reflection or spiritual connection.

It is true that if we don’t have a community of close relationships to return to after being alone, solitude can lead to social isolation. But it’s also true that too much social interaction is taxing, and such overload negatively affects the quality of our relationships.

Just as connection with others is essential for our well-being, so is connection with ourselves.

Source: The Independent©

The Benefits of EFT Tapping

Close up of a person with long brown hair massaging one of the EFT tapping points on their head to relax themselves.

What Is EFT Tapping?

EFT — sometimes referred to as “tapping” or “psychological acupressure” — is a somatic treatment meant to help soothe stress and strengthen the mind-body connection, Stretcher says.

Somatic therapies like EFT work by helping to release trauma and stress stored in the body, Stretcher adds, and often use a combination of body movement and thought practice to help people move through tension.

Like the traditional Chinese medicine practice of acupuncture, EFT uses meridian points — or energy centers — on the face and upper body to calm both your central nervous system and your mind. But instead of using acupuncture needles to access these meridians, EFT uses fingers to “tap” and apply pressure to the body.

As you tap, you repeat a phrase that both addresses and accepts the source of discomfort.‌ For example: “Even though I have a problem (e.g., stress, anxiety, etc.), I deeply and completely accept myself.”

Both the tapping and phrase work together to regulate the nervous system and reduce “cognitive noise” or unwanted thoughts, says Melissa Miller, LMHC, a psychotherapist with FOLX Health.

Often, EFT is used as an in-the-moment coping skill to help with a broad range of symptoms, including pain, anxiety and depression, as well as physical markers of distress like high blood pressure, heart rate and cortisol levels, Miller says.

“Tapping allows for the body and mind to let go of negative emotions that arise from distressing occurrences,” Miller says.

In fact, research has shown that EFT tapping is effective for managing anxiety, depression, PTSD and phobias.

What Are the EFT Tapping Points?

Each EFT tapping point has its roots in traditional Chinese medicine and is believed to improve energy flow and bring balance to the body and corresponding internal organs.

In psychology, though: “It is thought these meridians may relate to the nervous system. Tapping these points may help you return to a regulated parasympathetic (or ‘rest and digest’) state,” Stretcher says.

There are 12 meridian points in traditional Chinese medicine, and many more acupuncture points, but EFT focuses on nine major points, which include the following, per Miller:

  • ‌The palm point:‌ side of the palm, directly below the pinky finger
  • ‌The eyebrow point:‌ inner edge of each eyebrow, near the nose bridge
  • ‌The side eye point:‌ the bone along either eye, below the eyebrow
  • ‌The under eye point:‌ below either eye and on top of the cheekbone
  • ‌The under nose point:‌ the area directly below the nose and above the lips
  • ‌The chin point:‌ the crease between the chin and bottom lip
  • ‌The collarbone point:‌ one inch below each collarbone
  • ‌The under the arm point:‌ about one hand-width down from the armpit
  • ‌Top of the head:‌ the crown of the head

Even with these nine points in mind, it’s important to remember that EFT isn’t limited to only these points. Rather, these points were chosen because they are easy to find, access and get into a routine with, Miller says.

How to Do EFT Tapping

The EFT technique combines the physical act of tapping and a mental exercise (or “set-up statement”) to find physical and emotional comfort.

Here are the steps, according to Miller:

  1. Identify what you want to focus on. This could be something physical like a backache, or something causing emotional distress, like fear of missing an important work deadline.
  2. Rate the intensity of your feeling on a scale of 0 to 5, with 5 being the most intense.
  3. Create a set-up statement to address the issue. Your set-up statement should acknowledge the issue and its affect on you. Then, accept the issue. For example, if you are concerned about missing a work deadline, Miller suggests a statement like, “Even though I am worried, I accept how I feel.”
  4. Starting with your palm point, tap the area and repeat your set-up statement three times. Ideally, you are tapping each point only five to seven times, so if your set-up statement is long, Miller recommends shortening your statement as you tap your various points to something simple like, “anxious about deadline.”
  5. Then, move through the other eight tapping points while repeating your set-up statement. One full EFT sequence includes all nine points.
  6. Afterward, take a moment to rate your feelings on a scale of 0 to 5, and compare how you feel before and after.
  7. Repeat more EFT sequences until your score is lowered to a comfortable amount.
  8. Then, if needed, repeat the tapping points using affirmations. For example: “I am safe,” or “I choose to let go of this anxiety.”

The Benefits of EFT Tapping

While EFT is still being researched, there are a few studies that show tapping is an effective treatment for mental health issues — even for people who experience acute PTSD.

There are not many studies on EFT and PTSD in particular, but one older, stand-out February 2013 study from the ‌Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease‌ found that EFT significantly reduced psychological distress in veterans with PTSD. Even more impressive, after only six EFT sessions, researchers found that 90 percent of veterans involved no longer met clinical PTSD criteria.

Other research has found EFT to be helpful for the following, according to Purdue University:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Stress
  • Anger
  • Physical pain
  • Food cravings

And while the research is greatly limited and more studies need to be done, the previous ‌Journal of Evidence-Based Integrative Medicine‌ review suggests EFT tapping is potentially associated with some physical improvements in the body — like reduced blood pressure, cortisol levels and food cravings possibly tied to stress eating (which may aid in weight-loss efforts).

Source: ©Livestrong.com

10 STAY AT HOME DATE IDEAS

A graphic with the text, "the best date ideas for when you're stuck at home," on a blurred background with string lights.

We think at-home date nights can actually be some of the most fun—and certainly the most romantic. First, there’s the low-pressure of the whole situation. You’re automatically removing annoying potential stressors like finding parking near your favorite restaurant or being stuck in a crowded or noisy movie theatre. This also means you’re probably saving a ton of money. Yay! 

But we also like stay-at-home dates because they are just relaxing and fun and low-key. At home, pants are optional. Drinking is encouraged. And cuddling is constant. 

BOARDGAME NIGHT (ONE OF THE BEST AT HOME DATE NIGHT IDEAS)

This is a classic thing to do as a couple. Pull out the boardgames from the closet and challenge each other to a fun evening of competition. It’s best to have a collection of your favorite board games to make a marathon event of it, but you can also just play one or two games.

CREATE A STAY AT HOME SPA NIGHT FOR TWO

Why go to an expensive spa when you can have a similar experience at home for (practically) free?! We love doing an at-home date night at the “spa Hartle,” where we enjoy massages, facials, and lots of delicious scents, typically with some Enya playing in the background.

WATCH A CLASSIC FILM YOU’VE NEVER SEEN

There are so many classic movies to enjoy, and they are classics for a reason. Pick one that neither of you have ever seen and get watchin’.

LEARN SOMETHING NEW TOGETHER, LIKE PARTNER YOGA

With the Internet at our fingertips, an endless array of skills is available. For this stay-at-home date, you and your significant other will tune into YouTube for some instructional videos. Try learning something new together. Learning with your spouse or your partner is an amazing way to connect and create fun memories. 

SLOW DANCE TO YOUR FAVORITE ROMANTIC SONGS

You don’t need to head to the club or to a fancy party to dance together. Create a romantic playlist and have your own private dance session. We recommend the kitchen, and we suggest pairing your dance sesh with a couple glasses of champagne. Turn down the lights to set the perfect relaxing mood.

CREATE YOUR SIGNATURE COCKTAIL AS A COUPLE

Do the two of you have a go-to drink? Why not make one up? With a few basic bar ingredients (and lots of creativity) you can definitely concoct something awesome. Be sure to give the cocktail a name worthy of its greatness. 

TRY A DIY WINE AND CHEESE PARTY

 For a terrific stay at home date idea is a DIY wine and cheese tasting! 

PLAY VIDEO GAMES

Pick up those controls and show Bowser who’s boss. (Can you tell I haven’t played video games since the 90s?) For some couples, this might be a typical date night activity, but it can be even more fun if it’s something you don’t do regularly. Have fun! 

HAVE AN AT-HOME PAINT AND SIP

Have you ever attended a paint and sip event? They are always a blast! But they cost money, too. Instead, do it on your own together with your partner. 

You’ll need blank canvases, one or two bottles of wine, some paint, and you’re ready to go. Watch an instructional video to help you create your masterpiece. Bob Ross is always a good time. 

HAVE AN ICE CREAM PARTY FOR TWO

Splurge like crazy and allow yourselves to have an ice cream feast. Pick up your favorite flavors for sure, but also don’t forget to grab all the options for toppings so you can create enormous, delicious sundaes. 

DO A PUZZLE TOGETHER

Puzzles are an underrated activity for date nights. Best of all, as you work on putting together a puzzle, you can simultaneously have a great conversation or binge-watch your favorite TV show.

OK, that’s more than 10 to get you going. Enjoy!

Source: twodrifters.us

My Spheres of Influence

If you’re prone to hypothetical worry (i.e., the ‘what if?’ thoughts), you may find it helpful to practice noticing these thoughts and then redirecting your attention to things within your control.

Research shows that when we shift our focus to what we can control, we see meaningful and lasting differences in our wellbeing, health, and performance.

Remember: You cannot stop hypothetical worries from occurring, but you can control your response to them.

Within My Control

Building resilience

Following the latest information and advice

Focusing on what’s important to me

My information diet

My routine

Relaxation

Cultivating connection

Eating well

Exercising

Seeking and offering support

Voting and activism

Outside My Control

Other people’s decisions

Other people’s health

The news

The government’s actions

Schools opening or closing

The state of the healthcare system

Flights and holidays being cancelled

Traffic

Public transport

Aging

The weather

Source: thewellnesssociety.org

Know your “why”

Of nine things that people who reach age 100—have in common is that they know the answer to the above question.

When you know why you wake up in the morning and have a purpose in your day-to-day life, research shows that you can add up to seven years to your life expectancy. The Japanese concept of Ikigai encourages individuals to find their personal calling or purpose, adds Dr. Michelle Loy, an integrative medicine specialist at New York-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center who recommends asking yourself four questions and finding where these answers intersect:

  1. What do I love? (Passion)
  2. What am I good at? (Profession)
  3. What does the world need? (Mission)
  4. What can I be compensated for? (Vocation)

“It may take some soul-searching, but it is worth taking the time to engage in this personal quest, as when you find your Ikigai, or several, it brings clarity to how you live your life,” she says.

And adds years to it.

Source: GQ©

Photo by justkidslit.com