Category: Conversation Starters

The worst thing you can ask at the start of any interaction is: “How are you?” 

You’re essentially telling the other person that the interaction will be like every other interaction. They’ll most likely respond, “My day’s been busy. Good but busy.” It’s boring and generates a social script. 

I’ve spent the last 17 years studying human behavior and what sparks connections between strangers. I’ve learned that trust can catch fire or die out right away, all due to small signals in those first seconds of an interaction. 

Here’s what to do if you really want to instantly gain trust.

1. Skip the boring scripts

Don’t ask what everyone else is asking, like “What’s up?” or “Been busy lately?” Try a question that’s still casual, but looking for excitement. This sets you up for a better interaction.

A few examples:

• Don’t ask: “How’s it going?” Instead, ask: “What’s the highlight of your week so far?”
• Don’t ask: “Have you been keeping busy?” Instead, ask: “Any big wins lately?”
• Don’t ask: “Working on anything lately?” Instead, ask: “Working on anything exciting these days?”

2. Look for the joy in their lives

If you want to generate trust with anyone, encourage them to tell stories about their lives. Be known for asking others what they are most looking forward to.

Here’s my trick:

• On Mondays and Tuesdays, I ask everyone, “Did you do anything fun this past weekend?” 
• On Thursdays and Fridays, I modify it to, “Are you doing anything fun this upcoming weekend?” 
• On Wednesdays, I ask, “Working on anything fun or exciting this week?” 
• Before any holiday or break, I ask, “Looking forward to anything fun for the holidays?”

Everyone on my team and in my life knows I’m going to be asking for fun or exciting plans, so they save them up to tell me all about them (or avoid me when life is boring). It’s a win-win!

3. How to answer when someone asks ‘How are you?’

When it comes to building trust, it isn’t just the questions you ask, but how you respond when someone tries to connect with you, too.

The biggest mistake I see people make is that when they start conversations, they immediately lead with negativity: “Ugh this terrible weather!” or “My schedule has been crazy!” Instead, save one interesting thing to lead with and be ready when someone asks you a boring question. 

The next time someone asks, “How are you?” try to respond with some humor or whimsy instead. You might try a reply like:

• “Good enough that I remembered to floss. So, a win.”
• “Running on caffeine and a dream.”
• “10 of 10 today, I just got one new follower on Instagram.”
• “Hanging in there like a cat on a motivational poster.”

Essentially, anything other than the standard “Busy, but good” will wake people up.

4. Your body language matters as much as your words

Words matter, but your body talks louder. Keep arms uncrossed and face them square to seem open. An open stance invites reciprocity; a closed one sparks doubt. 

A solid handshake — one to three pumps, firm but easy — says you’re sure of yourself and can even signal your personality traits. 

On video calls, lean in a bit to close the gap. If they nod, try nodding back. Matching or mirroring their body signals tells their brain you’re safe.

5. Practice in your everyday life

Test these tips in safe, low-pressure places, like chatting with a cashier, a neighbor, or a friend over coffee. 

I do it myself before big talks — with my family at dinner, strangers in line, Uber drivers during rides, you name it — and it sharpens how I come across, making the moves feel second nature.

The key is to start small, and be consistent.

Try the question about positive future plans at lunch, or the mirroring body language on a walk. Over time, you’ll notice people opening up quicker, smiling more, and engaging deeper, even in brief encounters.

Source: msn.com© Writer: Vanessa Van Edwards, founder of Science of People

Photo credit: Tim Robberts | Getty Images©

According to psychologists, color choice goes far beyond aesthetics — it can be directly linked to the way we think, behave, and even solve problems. And when it comes to intelligence, the brightest minds seem to prefer a very specific color palette — and no, it doesn’t involve green or yellow.

According to studies in color psychology, people with a high IQ or strong emotional intelligence tend to be drawn to more sober, neutral, and elegant tones. The colors most associated with intelligence include:

• Navy blue: This color conveys trust, depth, and stability. It’s often worn by leaders, strategists, and highly analytical professionals.
• Gray: Gray represents balance and neutrality. Psychologists point out that people who prefer this color are thoughtful, logical, and reflective.
• Black: In addition to being sophisticated, black is associated with authority and intellectual power. It’s common among those who value concentration and focus.
• White: It represents clarity, organization, and a clean mind. Intelligent individuals often wear white to encourage objectivity and productivity.

Why do these colors attract intelligent minds?

These tones are less visually stimulating, which helps reduce distractions. This allows the brain to focus on complex tasks, promoting logical thinking and analytical creativity. Additionally, shades like blue and gray foster a sense of calm — an ideal state for making intelligent decisions.

What to avoid, according to color psychology

Very vibrant colors like yellow and lime green, while cheerful, can provoke restlessness and reduce focus. It’s not that intelligent people never wear these colors, but they usually prefer more subtle tones in their daily lives, especially when they need to concentrate or make important decisions.

How to apply this knowledge in daily life?

If you want to stimulate intelligence and productivity, make smart choices:

• In your work environment, choose blue or gray tones for walls or décor.
• When facing tasks that require logical thinking, wear clothing in neutral or dark colors.
• To keep your mind clear and focused, avoid overly flashy combinations.

Not green, not yellow: according to psychologists, intelligent people are selective with the colors they wear — and that makes all the difference. Choosing shades like blue, gray, and black may be more than a style choice; it may be a direct reflection of your ability to think clearly, logically, and efficiently. After all, color is also a language — and the brightest minds know exactly how to use it to their advantage.

Source: Signo.net©

Decisions, decisions, what to do this summer. Let’s talk about it!

 

Let’s start with some killer conversation openers. These are great for simply opening a conversation with someone new or someone you haven’t seen in a while. And they’re far more interesting than the standard “Where are you from?” and “what do you do?” those are so boring. Try these instead.

1. Working on anything exciting recently? This is a great one because it invites the other person to tell you something that they want to share. If they want to tell you about their favorite hobby, they can. If they want to tell you about their job, they can. And it’s a great way to know what’s at the top of someone’s mind.
2. What was the highlight of your day so far? This is my alternative to “How are you?” Asking someone the best part of their day is a great way to bring up positive vibes, as opposed to just giving you a boring update.
3. What’s your story? This is an interesting conversation starter because it invites someone to tell you a story about them, and you never know what exciting thing they might tell you.
4. What personal passion project are you working on right now? This is one of my favorites. You never know what secret side hustle someone has. I love asking this one to people I already know in one context, like work, but would love to know more about them personally.
5. How do you know the host? This one can be modified to any kind of event. If you are at a party, hopefully you both have the host in common. If you are at a networking or work event, you can modify it to “How long have you been a part of this organization?”
6. What was the highlight of your day today? This is a nice alternative to asking “how are you?” and it gets more interesting answers.
7. What was the highlight of your week? This is a great one to ask instead of the standard question “How are you?” or “How’s it going?” It helps people share a positive story instead of just giving an autopilot answer of “Fine” or “Good.”
8. Have you been to an event like this before? This one can be modified for most types of events, from birthday parties (did you come last year?) to networking events (do you come every month?).
9. What was the high-point and low-point of your day so far? This one is great if you have a talker. If you are speaking with an extrovert, asking questions for them to ruminate and expand on will tickle their fancy. Extroverts love this question.
10. Has this been a busy time for you? I don’t always like to ask people about being busy, but I use this conversation starter if someone seems distracted or not engaged. Sometimes acknowledging their busy-ness can hook them in.
11.  How’s that drink / appetizer / artwork / game? One of my favorite context cues is asking about whatever someone is holding or doing. Ask them about their wine. Ask them if they like the artwork they are looking at. Ask them if the food is good. These are very easy openers.
12. Having fun? A really easy cold approach opener is to look for someone who is by themself but looks like they are having an okay time. It’s easy to sit next to someone at a table, or stand next to someone at the bar and simply ask, “Having a good time?” or “Enjoying yourself?” It’s a nicer opener than just “How are you?”

Source: scienceofpeople.com©