Use the 30-Second Rule to Make a Lasting First Impression

To make a good first impression—and set the stage for a great conversation—you only have to say one thing.

Likability matters, both personally and professionally. That means making a good first impression matters.

As no less an authority than Mark Cuban says, being nice is one of the most underrated business skills, and research backs him up. Likable people are:

• More likely to be able to motivate and influence
• More effective leaders
• More successful in sales
• More likely to build and maintain good relationships 
• More likely to be promoted or hired

How can you make a good first impression? You could put the three-questions rule into action. You could use the self-fulfilling prophecy of anticipated acceptance. In the right situations, you could try being a positive opposite.

Or you can just do this.

The 30-Second Rule

Making a good first impression implicitly means making yourself look good: who you are, what you do, what you’ve accomplished …

That approach is especially tempting when you’re nervous, or when you meet someone you perceive to be of higher status or authority. (If you’re in sales, every potential customer ranks higher in authority, if only because they get to decide whether to make a purchase.)

Leadership author John Maxwell’s 30-second rule flips the premise. As Maxwell writes in 25 Ways to Win with People, “People feel better and do better when you give them attention, affirmation, and appreciation.”

So, his goal is simple: Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something complimentary or encouraging.

But not generic: Complimenting someone’s clothing or appearance could seem like a throwaway line, and even if sincere may not be memorable. So use the first 30 seconds to find something more meaningful. Ask a question, but don’t use it as a springboard for then talking about yourself. (Psychologists call those “boomerang questions.”)

Instead, keep the focus on the other person. Say you ask, “What do you do?” Don’t boomerang with what you do. My go-to approach is to say something about their job that seems hard, and compliment their ability to do it.

If I meet someone in a leadership role, I sometimes say, “Then you’ve made the decision that your happiness comes from the success of others.” That statement is implicitly complimentary, and opens the door for then to talk about the challenges and rewards of working with, and through, other people.

If I meet someone in sales, I sometimes say, “I admire your ability to hear ‘no’ on a regular basis and still keep going. I’m not sure I could do it.” That statement is directly complimentary, and opens the door for them to talk about intrinsic motivation, and focusing on long-term process over short-term results.

That approach turns the obligatory “What do you do?” question into the start of a great conversation, especially from the perspective of the person you just met.

Why? We all like to talk about ourselves: A study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that talking about ourselves causes increased activity in brain regions associated with the sense of reward and satisfaction found in money, food, and even sex.

The next time you meet someone, use the 30-second rule and find something complimentary or encouraging to say. (The two actually go hand in hand: A compliment implicitly encourages the recipient to maintain or repeat whatever they did to earn that compliment.)

Say something nice, and then help the other person talk about themselves. Ask questions. Ask what they’ve learned. Ask for advice.

As the authors of a study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology write:

When people ask more questions, they are perceived as higher in responsiveness, an interpersonal construct that captures listening, understanding, validation, and care.

People who ask questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partner — and people who have just been complimented are much more likely to respond thoughtfully to those questions.

As Maxwell writes, “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract cause us to withdraw.”

Use that first 30 seconds to add. Then use the rest of the conversation to show you care about the other person as a person: someone who has unique experiences, opinions, knowledge, and ideas.

Because everyone has unique experiences, opinions, knowledge, and ideas. All you have to do is ask.

And reap the first impression — and relationship-building — rewards.

Source: Inc©

Photo credit: Getty Images©