Apology Messages to Show You’re Truly Sorry

Making mistakes in a relationship is inevitable, but being able to genuinely apologize to your partner is essential. Show your true love how sorry you are with one of these heartfelt apology messages.

How to say sorry to someone you love?

The most important thing when apologizing is not to be defensive and place blame on her. Be specific, honest, and vulnerable. Here are some messages that will show you the way to apologize.

  1. Please forgive me, my love. I promise I will go to the ends of the earth to make up for the mistakes I’ve made.
  2. I am so sorry, darling. I promise to become a better person if you decide to forgive me.
  3. I am sorry for being a jerk, and I will work on myself every day. Please give me another chance.
  4. I don’t know why I took you for granted, and I have no excuse for it. I will never do that again I promise. I am sorry; you are too precious to me to lose.
  5. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, nonetheless; I did, and I am sorry for that. I didn’t weigh the consequences of my actions, and I will make sure I do that in the future.
  6. I can’t change what I did in the past, but I will most definitely take care of my actions in the future. Please forgive me this one time.
  7. I was supposed to give you peace and joy, yet I did the exact opposite, and I regret every moment of it. I am so sorry, my dear.
  8. I am sorry for the times that I took you for granted, I am sorry for the times I ignored you and prioritized less important things, I am sorry for the times that I have been an insensitive person, and also sorry for the times I have hurt you deeply whether it was intentionally or unintentionally. I am sorry for everything my love, and I will work on myself every day to become a better person. All I need is forgiveness from the most important person in my life. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.
  9. If I had the ability to turn back time, I would take back every word that has ever hurt you. I would swallow my pride and destroy my fragile ego just so that I could take away all the hurt that I have ever caused you. 
  10. I can’t begin to imagine how deep I have cut you with my pride or wounded you with my words. All I can say is that I am sorry, and all I ask is a chance at redemption. I am so sorry, baby; please forgive me.

Source: vibelovely.com

How to Use a ‘Bid’ to Strengthen Your Relationship

What is a bid?

According to Erika Evans, PhD, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and sexologist in Pennsylvania who trained at the Gottman Institute, bids are defined as units of emotional communication. “They are means for gaining attention, affection, and/or acceptance,” she explains. “They are requests from one partner to another—both verbal and nonverbal in nature—to connect. These moments of connection create safety in the relationship and support vulnerability.” And, she adds, bids can take many forms such as jokes, questions, expressions, affection, or sexual overtures. For example, one partner may say, “Look, how funny this meme is” or, “Did you talk to your mom today?” or, “Can you rub my back?”

Unfortunately, many bids often go unrecognized either because the other partner didn’t realize it was a call for connection or because they perceive the bid as nagging, criticism, or annoying, according to relationship therapist Darcy Sterling, PhD, host of E! Network’s Famously Single. So, understanding how to spot a bid, is an important part of fostering deeper connection. But bids can do so much more than that.

How bids can strengthen the relationship

Although bids can be small, how couples respond to them does majorly affect the relationship. Here’s why: “The quality of our relationships depends on the quality of our connection,” Dr. Sterling explains. “And to be connected, we need to let our partners know that we are open to their bids, even when we’re exhausted, and it’s the last thing we want to do.” Moreover, Dr. Evans adds, “these interactions help a relationship to flourish and for the participants to go deeper in their connection with one another in a variety of ways.”

Dr. Evans says there are three ways a partner can respond to a bid: “turning to the partner and connecting, which includes being vulnerable and engaging, turning away from the bid, which means the bid is being ignored, or turning against the bid, which means the response to the bid is angry or aggressive.” In a healthy relationship, Dr. Evans says partners respond to bids by turning to their partners and actively connecting.  

How to improve the way you make and respond to bids

Make your partner feel seen and heard

Often, one partner will ignore or disregard the other partner’s bid and say things like: “I can’t, I’m in the middle of something” or slam the conversation shut if they felt like they were being nagged or criticized. Instead, Dr. Sterling recommends saying something like, “Give me five minutes to finish what I’m doing, and I’ll take a look.” This shows the other partner that they want to give them attention, just at a different time.

Or, if one partner says, “I can’t stand working with my boss anymore,” instead of responding with a “so, quit,” ask what happened. Dr. Sterling says this is an example of a bid for connection through sharing, Dr. Sterling says, and it shows the other partner is interested in hearing more, which fosters connection. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want

“Understandably, it’s scary to be explicit, but being subtle often creates opportunities for bids to be missed, not because of a lack of desire, but more so because of the chaos of everyday life,” Dr. Evans says.  

Keep it simple

To harness the power of bids, take the pressure off by keeping bids quick, short, and simple. “They don’t always have to be grand gestures,” Dr. Evans says. “As a result, responding to, and giving out, bids in abundance throughout the course of a day is helpful for couples in building that desired connection.”

Pay attention to subtle cues

Again, your partner’s bids may often be subtle. For this reason, Dr. Evan’s best tip is to pay attention and learn to read your partner’s cues to better understand when they need connection. This can look like being more present when you’re spending time together by putting down your phones, making direct eye contact, listening attentively, asking questions, and really taking an interest. Remember, she says, the goal with bids is to turn toward your partner as often as possible. 

Article by Jessica Estrada for Well + Good©

Source: Bids in Relationships Are Fundamental for Communication | Well+Good (wellandgood.com)

4 Traits of a Serial Cheater 

The biggest misunderstanding about cheaters, says sex and relationship therapist Tammy Nelson is the notion of “once a cheater, always a cheater.” “Although there may be some truth to it for some; there are a few indicators to look out for when someone is a serial cheater,” Dr. Nelson says. Below, she outlines four signs that a transgression in your partner’s past may actually be part of a pattern, and thus, it may be worth taking an audit of your trust in them.

Photo: Getty Images/d3sign

4 serial cheater traits that point to a past offense being part of a pattern

1. Has issues with self-esteem

For some, pursuing affairs might be a means to momentarily raise low self-esteem—and doing it perpetually can be a subconscious exercise to prove something to oneself.

“Sometimes people cheat to prove their worth, to show that they are good enough, or worthy enough, or desirable—and this can be a way to fill a gap in their self-esteem,” Dr. Nelson says. “For those whose self-esteem is low enough, the repetitive nature of their chronic affairs can have a pressured quality, where one affair isn’t enough, where they have to continue to prove themselves over and over. Because the reality is, being with another person will never prove that they are truly good enough to themselves.”

2. Blames exes for the demise of past relationships

It’s a common serial cheater trait to not accept responsibility for one’s own indiscretions and choices, Dr. Nelson says—and it’s a trait to avoid.

It’s a problem if your partner refuses to accept any responsibility for a failed relationship—and it’s especially troubling if this is the stance for numerous past relationships. When you place all the blame on an ex, there’s not much room for personal growth or healthy self-reflection. “Cheaters should stop blaming their partner for their affair,” she says. “No matter how unhappy or angry they are with their spouse, they should stop using the excuse that their partner ‘deserves’ the affair.'”

3. Has commitment issues

While there’s nothing wrong with playing the field when that’s the relationship structure all parties involved have agreed to, something else is the case, it’s different. For instance, if you’ve had a DTR conversation, and you’ve landed on being committed and monogamous, claiming to have commitment issues (and acting accordingly) is less acceptable, and could point to serial cheater traits at play.

4. Is highly compulsive

This can lend itself to sexual, emotional, and other generally unacceptable behaviors, because the goal isn’t gratification anymore—it’s seeking that becomes the whole pursuit. And that points to forming a pattern. “When a cheater repeats the same behavior over and over—here, having sexual or emotional affairs repetitively—then it becomes compulsive, and the need for an affair is no longer about seeking excitement or love, or passion, it is the act of seeking.” Dr. Nelson says.

If you’re having trouble dealing with news that your partner displays traits of being a serial cheater, or you suspect something sinister could be going on in your relationship now, these signs can provide helpful insight for you to think on. But, people are complex, and if your partner is, say, having a self-esteem issue, it isn’t automatic cause for romantic concern. Basically, don’t take any of these tips in isolation, and when in doubt, communicate with your partner. And if you have problems with chronic cheating, Dr. Nelson advises that you seek the help of a therapist who focuses on cheating.

“Infidelity is anything but simple,” Dr. Nelson says. “As much as we want to think cheaters are bad people, most want to be honest. They want to tell the truth.”

Article by Mary Grace Garis for Well + Good©

Source: 4 Serial Cheater Traits To Look Out for in a Relationship | Well+Good (wellandgood.com)

What is ‘Stashing’? The Latest Dating Trend That’s Honestly Worse Than Ghosting

It’s been four months since you started dating Jim. You’ve gone hiking, binged the entire second season of Fleabag together and eaten at his favorite pizzeria so many times you feel like the staff knows you’re together. But you haven’t met any of his actual friends—let alone any family. Wait, you did run into his college buddy on the street, though! And they chatted for a bit…but now that you think about it, he glazed right over an introduction, didn’t he? And when you posted a pic of you two, he asked you to delete it. Welp, take a seat. We’re sorry to say it, but it sounds like this Jim character is stashing you.

© ‎Apatow Productions

Hold up. What is “stashing” exactly?

Stashing is when one person in a relationship makes the conscious decision to hide the other person from his or her inner circle, and yes, that includes both in real life and on social media. (Deep breaths.) Of course, this is so much more a reflection of the stasher than the stashee, but c’mon, it’s downright rude and hurtful as hell.

Great, the person I’m seeing is stashing me. Why is this happening?

There’s no one reason why stashing happens, but we spoke with marriage and couple’s therapist Irina Firstein about it. She told us the stasher may be stashing you because they 1) are embarrassed by or have issues with their family, 2) don’t see a serious future with you or 3) are carrying on another relationship simultaneously. None—we repeat, none—of these reasons (or any others) are good enough to justify making you feel like dirt but having a little bit of insight might take the edge off.

How do I bring up stashing to the person I’m seeing?

“Ask them why you haven’t met anyone important in their life,” Firstein says, “and follow up with questions if they give you the runaround.” (Psst: “There hasn’t been a convenient time” can be filed under “runaround.”) The conversation might bring you closer together over some shared vulnerabilities—maybe the so-called stasher is not on speaking terms with certain family or friends after a falling-out—but there’s also the potential for the opposite to happen.

What if I’m met with backlash?

If this person is doing something hurtful to you and they respond in any way that’s not supportive, understanding or at least curious, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship, because let’s be honest, that wasn’t that tough of a question. Sidestepping your feelings is a major red flag. And, as Firstein sees it, “If they play ignorant, that’s a form of manipulation.” Tough love, people.

Remember that a caring partner will not want you to feel this way, and if they really do have a good reason for keeping you stashed, like a family matter or they just weren’t “there” yet, they’ll be receptive to the conversation and interested in moving forward. If not, then you deserve to be with someone who wants to roof you. (That’s the term we just made up that means “shout from the rooftops that they get to be with you.”)

By (Ariel Scotti for PureWow©

Source: What is ‘Stashing’? The Latest Dating Trend That’s Honestly Worse Than Ghosting (msn.com)

Normal Things I Wish Guys Didn’t Take as a Mixed Signal

My rulebook for wanting to stay single:

  • I keep a 3 -feet cushion space between me and him.
  • I avoid using wink emojis through text.
  • I deflect every flirty compliment or move he throws at me by shrugging it off.
  • I even tell him, “Sorry I’m not interested in dating. I’d rather focus on work.”

I mean, how much clearer can I be?!? There are 4 rules I follow, but the last one is really the only one needed. Maybe I need to keep 6 feet between me and him, it’s double the space and it keeps to the rules of social distancing.

But then I realized, it wasn’t his fault for making the wrong move and jeopardizing what could have been a great relationship. It was me. Maybe it’s time I reevaluate the way I act around guys.

For the longest of times, I’d been giving guys mixed signals without realizing it. Maybe I’d been too sheltered during my 9 1/2-year relationship and never exposed myself to dating.

Or maybe my bubbly personality naturally invited men to flirt with me. I do tend to forget to be quiet and reserved around new people I meet, but rather act like I’ve known them for years.

Either way, I had to revisit the old-fashioned “dating rules,” which by the way…sucks! Because most of them are deeply ingrained in my personality and habits. It’s hard because, in reality, I’m just being nice and treating them like I would treat any of my friends.

1. Eating dinner together.

2. Instantly replying to his text.

3. Using emojis to express my mood.

4. Smiling while talking.

5. Giving lots of compliments (on his achievements, skills, dress style)

6. Asking for his number.

7. Wearing slightly more makeup than average.

8. Making eye contact for more than 3 seconds.

9. Mimicking his gestures, accidentally.

10. Leaning forward on the table while talking.

11. Wearing any shoe higher than an inch.

12. Asking one question too much.

13. Putting on perfume.

14. Wearing skirts or dresses of any length or style.

15. Being too nice.

16. Being too worried.

17. Getting a quick coffee or tea.

18. Asking for his honest opinion or advice about an important matter.

19. Sharing my past, and explaining why I’m doing the things I’m doing now.

20. Inviting him to a game of pool, mini-golf, arcades, bowling, a hike, any small leisure activity.

21. Dressing up as if I’m about to head to a house party.

22. Being open about how I feel.

So, guys, please don’t take my actions to a serious level yet. I may be open with my mind, but if my reaction tells you otherwise, it’s better we stay friends.

Article by Tiffany Sun for Your Tango©

Source: 22 Normal Things I Wish Guys Didn’t Take As A Mixed Signal | YourTango

6 Things Good Men Do That Make Women Seriously Attracted to Them

Sometimes, it seems like the bad guys get all of our attention. But let’s turn around and focus on the good guys for a moment. What do they do that is cause for celebration and can we appreciate that positive behavior is seriously attractive? Maybe if we notice, we’ll attract more of the good stuff.

Here’s a shortlist of some of what women find attractive in men that show the amazing, delicious things that good men do:

1. They’re honest.

A good man will tell you the truth about where he stands on many things, including you. He will not play games with your emotions and will let you know what he honestly thinks and feels. You will feel a sense of stability and trust in his presence.

Even if you disagree or wish he saw things differently at times, his honesty will give you and your relationship firm ground on which to stand. You know he will look you in the eye and tell you how it is — and looking deeply into the eyes of an honest man can be breathtaking!

2. They’re grateful.

Few things are more attractive than knowing a man appreciates you. And good men are grateful for the wonderful things in their lives, especially you. There is a saying that it’s not happy people who are grateful, but rather grateful people who are happy.

Good men value and appreciate what they have, which increases happiness within themselves and their relationships. Gratitude also creates positive energy and “like attracts like,” which means you will often find yourself feeling grateful in the presence of a good guy.

And all of this leads to more joy, more gratitude, and mind-blowing mutual attraction.

3. They show up.

A good guy will show up and be present in your life. Whether that means surprising you with your favorite latte or sending a supportive text before that critical meeting with your boss, a good guy wants to be part of your life — and it shows. He pays attention and cares enough to remember the big and little things that matter to you.

By doing this, your good guy shows that he cares about all of you — and he’s happy to go out of his way to be there for you, physically and emotionally. Since a solid relationship is built on a foundation of shared experiences, his ability to be present with and for you nurtures feelings of trust.

This trust helps you relax and be present with him and to show up for your own emotions and needs as well as his. The ability to be vulnerable with a guy who consistently shows up for you is a key to intimacy which, as every woman knows, is incredibly attractive.

4. They listen.

Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. Yet one of the most frequent complaints of women is that men don’t listen.

Good guys know how to listen or are willing to learn. They will make eye contact and have the ability to remain quiet while showing they are connected to you and that what you’re saying matters to them.

His body language, whether nodding empathetically or offering you his shoulder to cry on, conveys an attitude of non-judgmental acceptance. Feeling safe to fully express yourself creates the sense of being unconditionally cared for — and is anything more attractive than that?

5. They have empathy.

Narcissists and what makes them tick are getting a lot of attention these days. But if empathy is a key quality that narcissists lack, good guys are able to offer this in abundance — and it’s seriously attractive. Empathy is quite simply the ability to share and understand the feelings of another, and such mutual sharing is the basis for true connection.

Put simply, a good man “gets it” on an emotional level. You know that he cares and understands your feelings and that he appreciates your empathy as well. Like gratitude, caring for others is a key to happiness — and an empathetic couple creates more happiness wherever they go.

Needless to say, having a good man who both shares and understands your feelings is attractive on the best and deepest level!

6. They’re generous.

Of all their wonderful qualities and behaviors, good guys’ generosity may be the most attractive of all. Indeed, it is their natural generosity that allows their many positive qualities to shine. A good man gives freely of himself, including his time, attention, gratitude, and love. He is the opposite of selfish or stingy and finds joy in giving to others.

According to the Law of Attraction, when we give of our time, financial resources, and compassion, we generate positive energy that attracts more of these wonderful things back to us. As your good guy generously shares all of himself with you, you will find yourself doing the same.

And, as with empathy, others will benefit from your generosity as a couple. This creates an amazing cycle of abundance, gratitude, and love. Needless to say, such generosity makes you irresistibly attractive — to each other and the world around you.

Article written by Sara Mattis, PHD for yourtango© Photo credit: Kamil Macniak / Shutterstock

Top 5 Reasons Why You’re Single —​ And Will Remain That Way

If you’re wondering why you’re single, you might want to take a look at the reasons below.

Then, you can use them to stop doubting yourself and start searching for a stable relationship.

1. You’re too much of a perfectionist.

Sometimes, people are too perfectionistic when they are looking for a mate. They reject anyone who has even a small flaw or who doesn’t perfectly match their list of what they are looking for in a future spouse.

This single person needs to realize that nobody is perfect, and we rarely find anyone who meets all of our requirements. 

They just need to try out different types of people with a more open mind. This person might also benefit from some self-analysis and reflection to learn what his or her imperfections are.

2. You have low self-esteem.

This kind of perpetually single person does not feel good about him/herself and therefore won’t open him/herself up to the kind of soulful sharing that is necessary for a spouse. This person needs therapy to learn how to feel good about him/herself and to figure out how to trust their own feelings.

Until this person even likes him or herself, there is no way that they are going to find someone to love them or to trust that they can fully love the other.

3. You’re afraid of what commitment will mean.

They enjoy dating and enjoy the almost endless variety of people they can meet.

Deep down, they are probably afraid of giving up the next good person that they might meet. Even when they find someone who might make a fantastic mate, they may think, “But what about the next person I meet?”

This forever-single needs to learn that there probably is not one perfect true love for anyone; that each of us probably has multiple great spouses out there. We just need to find one of them and commit to receiving the almost unending benefits that a good marriage can bring you.

4. You think changing yourself will help you fit in.

This method simply doesn’t have merit and is one of the top reasons why you’re single. There is no way that a person who is completely faking it to seem like they are just like their potential mate can keep up that charade.

And, even if they manage to for long enough to become engaged or even married, it is highly unlikely that this will form the basis for a long, satisfying marriage. Instead, this fake persona will likely lead to a relatively rapid divorce.

5. You’re simply too uninteresting.

They don’t have hobbies. They don’t have interests. They don’t have things about which they feel passionate. Oddly enough, of the five different types discussed here, this is the easiest to fix. Get out! Enjoy life. Try different things.

Find something you love doing. Odds are, while you are doing that thing you now love, you will find someone else also doing the same thing, and soon, maybe you can begin loving doing that thing together.

This article originally appeared on YourTango

Photo credit: Photo: Ilija Ascic / Shutterstock

20 red flags that signal you’re in a toxic relationship

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Sure, there will be blissful times when your only care in the world is what to cook for dinner. And, of course, there will be times of huge difficulty when you wonder if it’s all worthwhile. However, if the two of you experience far more lows than highs, you may be caught in the trap of a toxic relationship. If that scenario sounds all too familiar, here are 20 expert-backed red flags to look out for.

© shutterstock

Your partner keeps tabs on you

“If your partner is wanting to know where you are all the time, there’s something not right there,” says couples therapist Geoff Lamb, co-founder of the UK Centre for Psychosexual Therapy and a member of the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT). If you feel like you always have to explain yourself, that’s a red flag.

You’re always excusing their behaviour

Do you find yourself making excuses for your partner’s toxic behaviour when they’re not around? “For example, ‘He’s got a bit of a temper, but I can help him with that,’” explains Lamb. “When you’re making statements like that where people around you are saying that they aren’t really good for you, it’s a danger sign to look out for.”

You can’t be your authentic self

Are you authentic around your partner? “For both partners in a relationship, you should be able to be you—whatever that means to you,” says Lamb. “If you’re feeling like you’re treading on eggshells all the time, that could be a red flag. You don’t have an obligation to be who your partner wants you to be.”

To view all 20 red flags, copy and paste the link below.

Article by Charlotte Grainger for Expresso Communiocation

Source: 20 red flags that signal you’re in a toxic relationship (msn.com)

The No. 1 Thing Women Really Want in a Partner

If you’re single you already know: it’s rough out there in today’s dating market. For one thing, dating apps provide an endless stream of potential partners to choose from, which research shows only makes the selection and matching process harder. On top of this, you’re contending with more timeless dating woes including questionable chemistry, mysterious motives, and baggage on both sides. Given that many men also report feeling generally mystified by what women want in a partner, it’s a wonder anyone gets together in the end.

Thankfully, a new study has shed some light on the question of what women want, and demystifying it may just help some people couple up. The study, published in Science Advances analyzed data from online dating exchanges and determined that in the hierarchy of desirable qualities, being highly educated was considered the most attractive quality in men.

“Desirability is associated with education most strongly for men, for whom more education is always more desirable,” the researchers explained. Those with higher degrees had higher message rates from online daters, and tended to interact more with women who were themselves considered “highly desirable.”

That said, if you don’t happen to hold a degree, don’t despair: there are several more subjective qualities which women tend to rank as highly important in a potential partner, but are less likely to be included in this type of ranking. This means you may very well attract a partner with your wit, charm, or warmth—especially IRL, where she can get to know the person behind the profile.

1. Kindness

If there’s one thing research shows women really want in a partner, it’s kindness. In fact, one international survey that polled over 14,000 people across 45 countries found that this was considered the single most important quality in a potential mate.

2. Intelligence

Intelligence and education are often intertwined, but they’re not the same thing—and research shows that many women value intelligence in a man regardless of whether there’s a degree to confer it. There are plenty of bright and curious people without top tier degrees, so be sure to share your other passions and accomplishments with pride.

3. Generosity

You can’t exactly put your generosity in your online dating profile, but if you demonstrate this desirable quality in person, research shows that women will notice. An August study from Indiana University found that this tends to create a “halo effect” that increases a man’s overall attractiveness. 

4. Confidence

While cockiness is likely to ultimately put women off, demonstrating confidence helps others buy in and see you through a rosier lens. Show off your best qualities while also taking ownership for your quirks or shortcomings—or in other words, just be yourself. Do that, and your odds of finding the right fit should multiply.

Article by Lauren Gray