Tag: Relationships

My rulebook for wanting to stay single:

• I keep a 3 -feet cushion space between me and him.
• I avoid using wink emojis through text.
• I deflect every flirty compliment or move he throws at me by shrugging it off.
• I even tell him, “Sorry I’m not interested in dating. I’d rather focus on work.”

I mean, how much clearer can I be?!? There are 4 rules I follow, but the last one is really the only one needed. Maybe I need to keep 6 feet between me and him, it’s double the space and it keeps to the rules of social distancing.

But then I realized, it wasn’t his fault for making the wrong move and jeopardizing what could have been a great relationship. It was me. Maybe it’s time I reevaluate the way I act around guys.

For the longest of times, I’d been giving guys mixed signals without realizing it. Maybe I’d been too sheltered during my 9 1/2-year relationship and never exposed myself to dating.

Or maybe my bubbly personality naturally invited men to flirt with me. I do tend to forget to be quiet and reserved around new people I meet, but rather act like I’ve known them for years.

Either way, I had to revisit the old-fashioned “dating rules,” which by the way…sucks! Because most of them are deeply ingrained in my personality and habits. It’s hard because, in reality, I’m just being nice and treating them like I would treat any of my friends.

1. Eating dinner together.

2. Instantly replying to his text.

3. Using emojis to express my mood.

4. Smiling while talking.

5. Giving lots of compliments (on his achievements, skills, dress style)

6. Asking for his number.

7. Wearing slightly more makeup than average.

8. Making eye contact for more than 3 seconds.

9. Mimicking his gestures, accidentally.

10. Leaning forward on the table while talking.

11. Wearing any shoe higher than an inch.

12. Asking one question too much.

13. Putting on perfume.

14. Wearing skirts or dresses of any length or style.

15. Being too nice.

16. Being too worried.

17. Getting a quick coffee or tea.

18. Asking for his honest opinion or advice about an important matter.

19. Sharing my past, and explaining why I’m doing the things I’m doing now.

20. Inviting him to a game of pool, mini-golf, arcades, bowling, a hike, any small leisure activity.

21. Dressing up as if I’m about to head to a house party.

22. Being open about how I feel.

So, guys, please don’t take my actions to a serious level yet. I may be open with my mind, but if my reaction tells you otherwise, it’s better we stay friends.

Article by Tiffany Sun for Your Tango©

Source: 22 Normal Things I Wish Guys Didn’t Take As A Mixed Signal | YourTango

Sometimes, it seems like the bad guys get all of our attention. But let’s turn around and focus on the good guys for a moment. What do they do that is cause for celebration and can we appreciate that positive behavior is seriously attractive? Maybe if we notice, we’ll attract more of the good stuff.

Here’s a shortlist of some of what women find attractive in men that show the amazing, delicious things that good men do:

1. They’re honest.

A good man will tell you the truth about where he stands on many things, including you. He will not play games with your emotions and will let you know what he honestly thinks and feels. You will feel a sense of stability and trust in his presence.

Even if you disagree or wish he saw things differently at times, his honesty will give you and your relationship firm ground on which to stand. You know he will look you in the eye and tell you how it is — and looking deeply into the eyes of an honest man can be breathtaking!

2. They’re grateful.

Few things are more attractive than knowing a man appreciates you. And good men are grateful for the wonderful things in their lives, especially you. There is a saying that it’s not happy people who are grateful, but rather grateful people who are happy.

Good men value and appreciate what they have, which increases happiness within themselves and their relationships. Gratitude also creates positive energy and “like attracts like,” which means you will often find yourself feeling grateful in the presence of a good guy.

And all of this leads to more joy, more gratitude, and mind-blowing mutual attraction.

3. They show up.

A good guy will show up and be present in your life. Whether that means surprising you with your favorite latte or sending a supportive text before that critical meeting with your boss, a good guy wants to be part of your life — and it shows. He pays attention and cares enough to remember the big and little things that matter to you.

By doing this, your good guy shows that he cares about all of you — and he’s happy to go out of his way to be there for you, physically and emotionally. Since a solid relationship is built on a foundation of shared experiences, his ability to be present with and for you nurtures feelings of trust.

This trust helps you relax and be present with him and to show up for your own emotions and needs as well as his. The ability to be vulnerable with a guy who consistently shows up for you is a key to intimacy which, as every woman knows, is incredibly attractive.

4. They listen.

Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. Yet one of the most frequent complaints of women is that men don’t listen.

Good guys know how to listen or are willing to learn. They will make eye contact and have the ability to remain quiet while showing they are connected to you and that what you’re saying matters to them. Rather than jumping in too quickly to “rescue” you or solve the “problem”, a good man knows that your perspective and feelings are important.

His body language, whether nodding empathetically or offering you his shoulder to cry on, conveys an attitude of non-judgmental acceptance. He understands that knowing he cares matters more to you than a quick fix. Feeling safe to fully express yourself creates the sense of being unconditionally cared for — and is anything more attractive than that?

5. They have empathy.

Narcissists and what makes them tick are getting a lot of attention these days. But if empathy is a key quality that narcissists lack, good guys are able to offer this in abundance — and it’s seriously attractive. Empathy is quite simply the ability to share and understand the feelings of another, and such mutual sharing is the basis for true connection.

Watching a good man show empathy is heartwarming and lovely — often more so as it is something he does naturally and is simply a part of who he is. Whether his eyes well up during a touching movie or he takes your nephew out for ice cream after losing an important game, you know that he cares deeply about the feelings and needs of others.

Put simply, a good man “gets it” on an emotional level. You know that he cares and understands your feelings and that he appreciates your empathy as well. Like gratitude, caring for others is a key to happiness — and an empathetic couple creates more happiness wherever they go.

Needless to say, having a good man who both shares and understands your feelings is attractive on the best and deepest level!

6. They’re generous.

Of all their wonderful qualities and behaviors, good guys’ generosity may be the most attractive of all. Indeed, it is their natural generosity that allows their many positive qualities to shine. A good man gives freely of himself, including his time, attention, gratitude, and love. He is the opposite of selfish or stingy and finds joy in giving to others.

According to the Law of Attraction, when we give of our time, financial resources, and compassion, we generate positive energy that attracts more of these wonderful things back to us. As your good guy generously shares all of himself with you, you will find yourself doing the same.

And, as with empathy, others will benefit from your generosity as a couple. This creates an amazing cycle of abundance, gratitude, and love. Needless to say, such generosity makes you irresistibly attractive — to each other and the world around you.

Article written by Sara Mattis, PHD Photo credit: Kamil Macniak / Shutterstock

Source: 6 Things Good Men Do That Make Women Seriously Attracted To Them | Sara Mattis, PhD | YourTango

Photo: Ilija Ascic / Shutterstock

If you’re wondering why you’re single, you might want to take a look at the reasons below.

Then, you can use them to stop doubting yourself and start searching for a stable relationship.

1. You’re too much of a perfectionist.

Sometimes, people are too perfectionistic when they are looking for a mate. They reject anyone who has even a small flaw or who doesn’t perfectly match their list of what they are looking for in a future spouse.

This single person needs to realize that nobody is perfect, and we rarely find anyone who meets all of our requirements. 

They just need to try out different types of people with a more open mind. This person might also benefit from some self-analysis and reflection to learn what his or her imperfections are.

2. You have low self-esteem.

This kind of perpetually single person does not feel good about him/herself and therefore won’t open him/herself up to the kind of soulful sharing that is necessary for a spouse. This person needs therapy to learn how to feel good about him/herself and to figure out how to trust their own feelings.

Until this person even likes him or herself, there is no way that they are going to find someone to love them or to trust that they can fully love the other.

3. You’re afraid of what commitment will mean.

They enjoy dating and enjoy the almost endless variety of people they can meet.

Deep down, they are probably afraid of giving up the next good person that they might meet. Even when they find someone who might make a fantastic mate, they may think, “But what about the next person I meet?”

This forever-single needs to learn that there probably is not one perfect true love for anyone; that each of us probably has multiple great spouses out there. We just need to find one of them and commit to receiving the almost unending benefits that a good marriage can bring you.

4. You think changing yourself will help you fit in.

This method simply doesn’t have merit and is one of the top reasons why you’re single. There is no way that a person who is completely faking it to seem like they are just like their potential mate can keep up that charade.

And, even if they manage to for long enough to become engaged or even married, it is highly unlikely that this will form the basis for a long, satisfying marriage. Instead, this fake persona will likely lead to a relatively rapid divorce.

5. You’re simply too uninteresting.

They don’t have hobbies. They don’t have interests. They don’t have things about which they feel passionate. Oddly enough, of the five different types discussed here, this is the easiest to fix. Get out! Enjoy life. Try different things.

Find something you love doing. Odds are, while you are doing that thing you now love, you will find someone else also doing the same thing, and soon, maybe you can begin loving doing that thing together.

David J. Glass is a former therapist and now a family law attorney. He has been a frequent guest on various radio programs including KABC in L.A. and Starcom Radio.

This article originally appeared on YourTango

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Sure, there will be blissful times when your only care in the world is what to cook for dinner. And, of course, there will be times of huge difficulty when you wonder if it’s all worthwhile. However, if the two of you experience far more lows than highs, you may be caught in the trap of a toxic relationship. If that scenario sounds all too familiar, here are 20 expert-backed red flags to look out for.

© shutterstock

Your partner keeps tabs on you

“If your partner is wanting to know where you are all the time, there’s something not right there,” says couples therapist Geoff Lamb, co-founder of the UK Centre for Psychosexual Therapy and a member of the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT). If you feel like you always have to explain yourself, that’s a red flag.

You’re always excusing their behaviour

Do you find yourself making excuses for your partner’s toxic behaviour when they’re not around? “For example, ‘He’s got a bit of a temper, but I can help him with that,’” explains Lamb. “When you’re making statements like that where people around you are saying that they aren’t really good for you, it’s a danger sign to look out for.”

You can’t be your authentic self

Are you authentic around your partner? “For both partners in a relationship, you should be able to be you—whatever that means to you,” says Lamb. “If you’re feeling like you’re treading on eggshells all the time, that could be a red flag. You don’t have an obligation to be who your partner wants you to be.”

To view all 20 red flags, click the link below.

Article by Charlotte Grainger for Expresso Communiocation

Source: 20 red flags that signal you’re in a toxic relationship (msn.com)

By Astrofame 

‘When will I find my soulmate?’

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, we’ve got you covered in 2021 and are ready to reveal what awaits your zodiac sign in the love department! Astrologer Susan Taylor reveals everything you need to know and whether you should start stocking up on Kleenexes!

Could 2021 be THE year? Check out this compatibility chart on where to begin.

Source: Love Horoscope 2021: When Will I Find Love? (msn.com)

Doing This After Watching TV Slashes Your Risk of Divorce, Study Says

One of the primary problems that destroys romantic relationships is poor communication—specifically on the subject of the relationship itself. When you and your partner avoid sharing your feelings and concerns about your relationship, it’s nearly impossible to find solutions that will bring you closer together and form a stronger connection where both parties’ needs are being met. And while this type of open, often vulnerable, communication can be difficult, there are ways to make it less intimidating. In fact, there’s one very easy way to lower your risk of divorce, according to an Oct. 2020 meta-analysis published in Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science: watch TV shows and movies featuring couples and talk about them.

For a 2013 study, psychologists looked at 174 couples to see how effective certain activities were at improving their relationships. The researchers divided the couples into four groups, assigning each group to either complete the highly regarded premarital relationship enhancement program (PREP); attend workshops offered by CARE, a program designed to build empathy and compassion; watch movies and discuss the onscreen relationships depicted; or do none of the above. Read on to see how the couples in each group responded.

1. Watching and discussing movies that feature a romantic relationship lowered divorce rates.

According to the study’s findings, the couples who weren’t assigned to the workshops or movie-discussion exercise had a divorce or separation rate of 24 percent in the first three years of marriage. For those in the CARE, PREP, and movie-watching groups, the divorce rate was around 12 percent, a 50 percent decrease from the group that did nothing to improve their bond. That means that watching a few movies with your partner and then talking about them is just as effective at lowering your risk of divorce as attending time-consuming relationship workshops.

“Instead of doing these 14-hour workshops where they have to come to campus, [couples can improve their relationship by] just watching three movies at home and having discussions about their relationship that they ease into by talking about the relationship on screen first,” study co-author Ron Rogge, PhD, an assistant professor of clinical psychology at University of Rochester, said in a statement.

2. Dramas are the most effective genre.

The only necessary criteria for the films you choose for the exercise is that they prominently feature a romantic, ideally long-term, relationship, Rogge told People. However, Rogge says that dramas seem to be more effective than romantic comedies because in the latter, the characters typically don’t become a couple until the end. Some films used in the original 2013 study included True Lies, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and American Beauty.

3. And TV shows can serve as a similar form of couples therapy.

While the initial research focused solely on movies, Rogge says television shows are a perfectly acceptable alternative for busy couples with little free time to invest in a full-length feature. The important thing is the discussion that is sparked by whatever it is you and your partner choose to watch. 

4. The exercise also improved the relationships of unmarried couples.

Follow up research conducted in 2016 found that the positive impact of these discussions surrounding onscreen romantic relationships wasn’t limited to married couples, either. The exercise had a similar effect on unmarried couples at various relationship stages, the research analysis said.

Article by Paul Thompson. Photo by BestLife©

Source: https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/fitness/doing-this-after-watching-tv-slashes-your-risk-of-divorce-study-says/ss-BB1aGWbd?ocid=msedgntp#image=5

If you’re single you already know: it’s rough out there in today’s dating market. For one thing, dating apps provide an endless stream of potential partners to choose from, which research shows only makes the selection and matching process harder. On top of this, you’re contending with more timeless dating woes including questionable chemistry, mysterious motives, and baggage on both sides. Given that many men also report feeling generally mystified by what women want in a partner, it’s a wonder anyone gets together in the end.

Thankfully, a new study has shed some light on the question of what women want, and demystifying it may just help some people couple up. The study, published in Science Advances analyzed data from online dating exchanges and determined that in the hierarchy of desirable qualities, being highly educated was considered the most attractive quality in men.

“Desirability is associated with education most strongly for men, for whom more education is always more desirable,” the researchers explained. Those with higher degrees had higher message rates from online daters, and tended to interact more with women who were themselves considered “highly desirable.”

That said, if you don’t happen to hold a degree, don’t despair: there are several more subjective qualities which women tend to rank as highly important in a potential partner, but are less likely to be included in this type of ranking. This means you may very well attract a partner with your wit, charm, or warmth—especially IRL, where she can get to know the person behind the profile.

1. Kindness

If there’s one thing research shows women really want in a partner, it’s kindness. In fact, one international survey that polled over 14,000 people across 45 countries found that this was considered the single most important quality in a potential mate.

2. Intelligence

Intelligence and education are often intertwined, but they’re not the same thing—and research shows that many women value intelligence in a man regardless of whether there’s a degree to confer it. There are plenty of bright and curious people without top tier degrees, so be sure to share your other passions and accomplishments with pride.

3. Generosity

You can’t exactly put your generosity in your online dating profile, but if you demonstrate this desirable quality in person, research shows that women will notice. An August study from Indiana University found that this tends to create a “halo effect” that increases a man’s overall attractiveness. 

4. Confidence

While cockiness is likely to ultimately put women off, demonstrating confidence helps others buy in and see you through a rosier lens. Show off your best qualities while also taking ownership for your quirks or shortcomings—or in other words, just be yourself. Do that, and your odds of finding the right fit should multiply.

Article by Lauren Gray

Source: https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/career/the-no-1-thing-women-really-want-in-a-partner-according-to-science/ss-BB1azqK5?ocid=msedgntp#image=5