There are no limits to success to those who never stop learning. Learning will nourish your personal growth. I hope you enjoy this website and visit often so you too keep learning too.
Whether you’re returning to work in the office or trying to make new friends in a new city, it can help to have a few conversation starters prepared. The key to engaging people is to start with open-ended questions.
Here is one casual top 10 list:
Here is another top 10 list
The best format for conversation starters is to use an open-ended question that allows the other person to speak openly and freely in a casual and comfortable way,” Amy Arias, M.A., senior lecturer of communications studies at the University of Nevada, Reno, tells Upworthy.
Looking for unique conversation starters that will draw people in? Here are 10 questions to get the conversation going:
“What’s giving you energy right now?”
“This question prompts people to move from surface-level small talk to a genuine connection,” leadership strategist and executive coach Stacy McCracken, founder & CEO of Impact and Lead, tells Upworthy. “It invites the other person to share. It’s present, personal, and lets you see what’s fueling them—whether that’s a project, a person, or a long-overdue break. It works because it’s about emotion, not status.”
“What’s the story behind your name?”
“This one usually gets people immediately to connect and share,” public speaking expert LaQuita Cleare, founder & CEO at Clear Communication Academy, tells Upworthy. “It allows you to learn a little bit more about the person, the family, and the culture. It’s a quick and meaningful way for people to let their guards down and simply tell you a story.”
“What’s something your younger self would be proud you’re doing now?”
“I personally love this question, and even ask it to my clients all the time,” Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC, an anxiety, trauma, and attachment therapist in Los Angeles, tells Upworthy. “This kind of question lights up the inner child and the present-day self, which makes it emotionally rich. It also tends to lead into the stuff people don’t usually talk about first: healing, change, confidence, effort.”
“What’s something fun (show, hobby, or place you discovered) that you’ve been enjoying lately?”
“This open-ended question gives people multiple ways to connect (entertainment, activities, experiences), making it easy and low-pressure to engage,” Arias notes. “It also naturally leads to follow-up questions and shared stories.”
“If you could plan your perfect weekend, what would it look like?”
“It invites the person to share personal preferences and values (adventure vs. relaxation, social vs. solo time) while keeping the tone warm and imaginative,” Arias explains. “It encourages playful conversation and creates space for finding compatibility and shared interests. It’s worth noting that an effective conversation starter in a romantic context is often not, in nature, romantic.”
“What’s your favorite place to spend your downtime?”
“This tells you a lot about a person and is a nice intro question that does not pry too much,” Cleare shares. “This is also a great one to find common ground, which is what you want to keep the conversation going.”
“What’s something that’s caught your curiosity lately?”
“I love this one because curiosity is the spark of every great conversation,” adds McCracken. “It opens space for people to share what’s lighting them up—a topic, a hobby, or even a random fact. Curiosity connects people faster than credentials ever will.”
“What’s something you wish more people asked you about?”
“Everyone has a part of their life they love but no one ever brings up, like a weird skill, a quiet win, a topic they never get to share,” Groskopf shares. “This question lets people steer the conversation toward something that ACTUALLY excites them. It’s casual, but opens a door you normally wouldn’t walk through.”
“What do you love about your job?”
“This one is always fun because if they love their job, their eyes light up and they start telling your stories and if they hate their job, that also brings a fun moment and an eye roll,” says Cleare.
“What’s surprised you lately?”
“This one always brings out thoughtful, funny, or even vulnerable stories,” McCracken says. “It nudges people to reflect—and reflection is where real connection happens. It’s the perfect balance of light and meaningful.”
A few years ago, a friend had no clue how to start a conversation with new people. That person committed to reading books on how to make conversation, learning from socially savvy people, and spending thousands of hours socializing. Now my friend knows exactly how to do it.
It’s not rocket science, but it does have its do’s and don’ts.
Here are a few basics:
Prepare Ahead of Time
If a room full of strangers is your idea of a waking nightmare, starting a conversation at a party or work event can be incredibly daunting. These social situations can be challenging if you are introverted, shy, or socially anxious.
One way to ease anxiety is to prepare in advance. Mentally review what you want to discuss and even consider practicing with a friend. The first step toward becoming an amazing conversationalist is to be prepared.
If you are nervous about starting a conversation, try these three simple strategies before you begin:
Stay positive: Stop worrying about making mistakes and have faith in your abilities. Worrying too much about what you will say next can cause you to lose track of the conversation as it’s happening. Instead, use active listening and stay focused on the other person and what they are saying.1
Take a deep breath: If you are tense and nervous, you’re less likely to feel at ease. Try to stay relaxed and just let the conversation flow naturally.
Introduce yourself: One of the simplest ways to begin is to just introduce yourself and then give the other person the chance to do the same. Once this initial icebreaker has taken place, try asking a simple question or making a simple observation to help inspire further discussion.
Beware of Conversation Killers
While it should go without saying, there are a few things you should avoid unless you are very familiar with the person with whom you are speaking.
While political commentary, gossip, complaints, and offensive jokes might be how your uncle starts conversations during your family get-togethers, it is probably not an example you should try to emulate in your day-to-day life.
Keep It Positive
Try to start your conversation on an upbeat note. Stay away from launching into complaints or making negative observations. No matter what the situation is, you can find something positive to say.
Comment on the weather, the food, the company, or the event itself. Saying something as simple as you are having a good time and hoping that your conversation partner is having a pleasant experience as well is a good way to get a conversation rolling. Even if the situation itself is not perfect, try to put a positive spin on it.
Start Simple
Not every great conversation needs to begin with a deep, philosophical, earth-shattering observation. Simple icebreaker comments or questions are a great way to begin.
Examples include:
“The weather has been lovely.”
“The food here is delicious.”
“How do you know the host?”
“Are you having a nice time?”
Commenting on the weather, the room, or the food might seem cliche, but there is a reason why this sort of icebreaker works so well. It’s a simple, easy way to get a conversation rolling, offering a bit of common ground between two strangers. Talking about inconsequential things can lead to further conversations about personal preferences, backgrounds, hobbies, and deeper topics that can help forge social bonds between people.
Check Your Body Language
Sometimes what you don’t say is just as important as what you do say. As you strike up a new conversation, it is important to pay attention to your nonverbal communication.
Body language can be used to convey interest and emotion. A friendly expression, comfortable stance, and good eye contact, for example, can help show that you have a genuine interest in learning more about another person. Slouching, looking away, and frowning, on the other hand, might make your conversation partner feel that you are bored or disinterested.
Listen and Express Interest
It can be intimidating to try to talk to someone when it feels that you have little in common. In these situations, getting the other person to talk about their own interests, work, or expertise can be a useful way to start a conversation.
3 Rules of a Good Conversation
Three simple rules that can help you have a better conversation are:
Listen attentively and don’t interrupt
Ask questions
Keep the conversation positive
Forging strong social connections is critical for both physical and mental health. Research has found that forming social relationships is linked to a stronger immune system, increased longevity, lower anxiety levels, greater empathy for others, and better self-esteem. By learning how to start a conversation, you will be better able to forge the social connections that are so critical to health and well-being.
In one study published in the journal Psychological Science, researchers performed naturalistic observations on participants to record both small talk and deep conversations over several days. What they found is that people who engaged in deeper, personal conversations also had higher levels of happiness.
This might mean that happy people are more likely to engage others in meaningful conversations—but it also might mean that such substantive conversations may lead to greater happiness. The researchers suggest that “the findings demonstrate that the happy life is social rather than solitary and conversationally deep rather than superficial.”
Not everyone loves making small talk, but it can be an important first step leading to deeper, more meaningful conversations. For example, asking someone about what they are currently working on might lead to a deeper conversation about goals for the future.
While starting a conversation often begins by focusing on small, trivial things, research suggests that having more deep conversations may be linked to greater happiness and well-being.
Learning how to start a conversation can help lead you into these more consequential social connections.
Ice Breakers-Can be good or can be disastrous. Keep reading!
Whether you want to start a conversation with a new guy or girl, or you want to get a meeting off to a great start, a good ice breaker can help you make a memorable first impression. It can turn that first encounter with someone new into something wonderful—maybe even a lasting friendship or valuable partnership.
A bad ice breaker, however, can be a recipe for disaster. It can spiral out of control pretty quickly and at best be a terrible waste of time—or worse, an embarrassment for everyone involved. So, how do you start a meaningful conversation with someone new and avoid embarrassments or awkward moments of silence? Where do you begin?
Understand that it’s normal to feel a bit nervous when approaching someone new. Everyone gets a little shy at first—after all, you don’t know what this other person is like. Start by filling your idea vault with possible ice breakers to start a conversation, and follow-up questions to sustain the conversation. Listen attentively to the other person’s responses because this can make or break your follow-up questions. To help you out with ideas for starting a conversation, here are ten of the most effective ice breakers you can use in different scenarios to get a conversation off and running.
10 Most Effective Ice Breakers
“How Are You Doing Today?”
A genuine hello accompanied by a heartwarming, three second smile is one of the most basic, highly effective ice breakers there is. Often, we brush simple things aside as being too simple not realizing the simplest things can have the biggest impact in life.
Think about the people who say “good morning” or “howdy” to their neighbors. This simple greeting is usually followed up with “how are you” or “how are the kids?” Before long, the two parties are talking about their families and even favorite sports teams.
“Nice Earrings!”
This comment represents a classic technique that is quite effective for starting a conversation. Regardless of whom you are talking to, saying something genuinely nice about their outfit, accessories, or even mood will usually be received well.
The person receiving the compliment will thank you and possibly say something nice about you in return. In doing this, a dialogue begins. Keep the dialogue going by asking a question like “Where did you buy the earrings? I really like them.”
“Does This Shop Always Have Such Long Lines?”
Simply commenting on an unpleasant or uncomfortable situation that you both experience in your immediate surroundings is another effective strategy for starting a conversation. You can comment about a long bathroom line or wobbly waiting-room chair.
By focusing on an unpleasant situation that you both find yourselves in and subtly complaining about it, you cleverly suck the other person into an unwitting pact that unites both of you against a common enemy.
“Chicago Really Is the Windy City!”
Yes. Talk about the weather. It may sound clichéd, but it works wonders in real life. People talk about the weather all the time—it’s a topic everyone has an opinion on. Think of how you have an opinion about what dress or fashion choice is right for different weather.
Once the person responds, you can ease into the conversation with “small talk” like, “The wind is so strong; it nearly blew me over!”
“Oh, Did You Hear About…”
Kick-start a conversation with a description of an interesting, entertaining and/or funny story. Get right in to your story description and then allow the other person to make a remark or share an opinion of the story.
If your story is interesting enough, there really is no telling where it could take the ensuing dialogue and for how long you could stretch the conversation once your new friend gets on board.
“What Kind of Drink is That?”
People love eating and drinking. If the person you want to start a conversation with has a nice-looking drink or a delicious-looking burger, comment on how delicious (or not delicious) the burger is. Alternatively ask what kind of drink he or she’s having.
When he or she replies, follow up with something like “Do you really like it?” or “Can I buy you another?” Introduce yourself and don’t forget to flash your best smile.
“That’s a Lovely Name; Are You Named After Someone?”
This works especially well in a workplace setting, business meeting, or conference where people are wearing name tags. If he or she has an interesting name, walk up to them and say something like, “Camille, lovely name. What’s the origin of the name?” She’ll probably be excited to tell you about her name and before you know it, a conversation has ensued.
“Hello, Do You Work Here?”
This also works well at a workplace or business setting where people are wearing name tags. Even if you know the answer, ask whether he or she works there anyway. If you know some people who work at his or her company or retail store, mention them.
Follow up with related questions like, “What do you do here?”; “Have you been working here a long time?”; “Do you like it here?”; “What’s your favorite/worst part of your job?
“People Call Me David, but You Can Call Me TONIGHT.”
Okay, telling a joke is easier said than done. Jokes can be tricky, but they’re some of the best conversations starters to throw at someone new. They help the other person see a witty, fun side of your personality.
That said, unless you’re really confident about your joke-telling skills, it’s probably a good idea to avoid them or start with a self-deprecating joke. You can’t possibly offend yourself, can you?
“Excuse Me, I Just Thought I Should Come Over and Talk to You.”
Sometimes the best and most fun ice breaker is honesty. Walk up to him or her and just be honest. Tell him or her that you want to talk. Point out how awkward and funny the situation actually is for both of you and that you are trying to make the best of it. Honesty really can be the best policy.
Even if you don’t feel confident, practicing confident body language can increase your self-esteem and help you feel better about yourself. Examples of confident body language include maintaining eye contact, standing up straight, not fidgeting, and mirroring other people’s movements.
Improving your body language involves mastering posture, gestures, facial expressions, and eye contact to convey confidence, openness, and engagement. Here is how to begin.
Make Eye Contact
Appear confident by maintaining eye contact in social interactions. Good eye contact shows others that you are interested and comfortable.
Look the other person in the eye about 60% of the time. If direct eye contact feels too intimidating, start by looking at a spot close to the person’s eyes.
Keep Your Chin Up
Do you look at the ground when you are walking? Is your head always down when you are talking? Instead, walk with your head up and your eyes looking forward. Keeping your head up and facing your conversation partner conveys interest, confidence, and other prosocial emotions.
It might feel unnatural initially, but you will eventually become used to this more confident pose. Then you can use it when standing and speaking (it will make eye contact easier, too).
Lean Forward
When you are in a conversation, leaning forward indicates interest and attention. While it can be tempting to maintain distance if you are socially anxious, doing so conveys that you are disinterested or aloof.
Research suggests that nonverbal signals such as leaning forward and facing straight ahead help convey feelings of interest.
Avoid Your Pockets
Though it can be tempting to shove your hands in your pockets, particularly if you are worried about them shaking, doing so makes you look more anxious and less confident. Keep your hands out of your pockets to look more self-assured.
Stand Up Straight
Don’t slouch! If you struggle with anxiety or a lack of confidence, you might try to take up as little space as possible, which can mean sitting slumped over in a protective pose.
To convey confident body language, straighten your back, pull your shoulders away from your ears, and uncross your arms and legs.
Don’t Fidget
Fidgeting is an obvious sign of anxiety and nervousness. Others often interpret fidgeting as a sign of stress and anxiety, which can cause you to seem less confident and authoritative.
Appear more confident by keeping fidgeting to a minimum. Nervous movements, like bouncing your knee or tapping your fingers on a table, draw attention away from what you are saying and make it hard for others to focus on your message.
Slow Your Movements
Fast movements make you appear more anxious. Everything from hand gestures to your walking stride can make a difference; slow down and notice how you feel more confident when you take your time.
The key, however, is to maintain other signals like eye gaze and posture while moving more slowly. Slow movements combined with poor eye contact and slouched posture can indicate sadness, which may cause people to see you as less confident than you are.
Take Larger Steps
As you slow down, try to take longer strides when you walk. Confident people take larger steps and walk with authority. Doing so will make you feel less anxious.
Watch Your Hands
Be careful about touching your face or neck; both indicate that you feel anxious, nervous, or afraid. In general, confident people don’t tend to make these types of movements. However, making a steeple with your hands or holding your palms out can imply confidence.
Give a Firm Handshake
A weak or limp handshake is a sign of a lack of confidence, so work on making sure that you offer a firm hand when meeting others. After practice, it will come naturally.
The duration of your handshake can also influence how people perceive you. Research has found that the length of a normal handshake is around three seconds or less.
Prolonged handshakes lasting longer than three seconds are associated with less enjoyment of the interaction, more anxiety, and behavioral freezing.
Mirror the Body Language of Others
Mirroring, also known as the chameleon effect, is a tendency to mimic other people’s movements, either subconsciously or consciously. It can have a positive effect on social interactions. It causes other people to notice you and feel more positively about you.
We often mirror other people’s movements subconsciously. For example, we might sit up straighter when our companions are doing so or gesture more frequently around people who talk with their hands.
Mirroring another person’s body language shows you are paying attention to them, which can build understanding and strengthen a relationship. When you feel that bond, you may feel more comfortable and confident.
Speak Slowly and Clearly
Feeling nervous can often lead to rushing through our talking points and comments to end a conversation sooner. But speaking quickly can make your nervousness and self-consciousness evident.
Slow down and allow your audience to hear what you’re saying. This is a way to command respect.
How to Get Help
Still not sure you can muster up the confidence to change your body language? Remember that you don’t have to actually be confident to change your behavior. Although it might feel strange at first, acting confidently will eventually feel more natural and boost your self-esteem.
At the same time, working to reduce your anxiety through other means will also help reduce nervous behaviors. If you have not already been diagnosed with SAD, visit a healthcare professional to learn about your options.
You don’t have to live with anxiety that impairs your ability to engage with others. Both cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication have been proven effective in the treatment of SAD and other anxiety conditions.
Finally, Study the body language of others
Study the body language that other people are using, especially that of people you admire. Take note of how they hold themselves, their tone of voice and the mannerisms they use. Practice mimicking those nonverbal cues yourself.
Families know each other’s habits, for better or for worse. For instance, who needs extra time in the morning to wake up and who isn’t eating any orange foods ever again (this week). But it turns out there’s a lot to discover about each other when we ask and answer questions, whether that’s in the car or around the dinner table.
The following family conversation starters can be adapted for multiple generations, so grandparents, parents, kids and friends can all get in on the fun. Whether you’re heading out on a road trip or hanging out at home, here are a few fun prompts to spark some interesting conversations and maybe a few laughs, too.
How to Use These Prompts
Pick Your Moment: Choose questions by context—mealtime, travel, bedtime, or digital hangouts.
Adapt for Ages: Rephrase for younger kids or add follow-up details for teens and others.
Make It a Ritual: Rotate a “Question of the Day” jar or use a “Challenge of the Week” on social media with #FamilyChatChallenge.
Include Everyone: Grandma and grandpa would enjoy playing also.
So, Get Ready, Get Set, Let the family conversations begin!
If you could teleport to one place right now, where would it be? Tell me one funny thing you saw today [on your way to school/work]. What book character would you invite on a picnic? What would you make them for lunch?
If you had to give up one kind of food forever, what would it be?
What kind of pizza topping best describes you? Who is/was your closest childhood friend?
Have you ever lost something important to you? What did you do? Did you ever find it? Would you rather have the ability to talk to animals or fly? If you could become an expert at one skill overnight, what would it be? what would you name a video game after yourself If you could be in one scene in a movie, which movie/scene would it be? If you could pick a different name for yourself, what would you choose? What animal would you like to be? The best present you’ve ever received?
Your Favorites
What is your favorite color combination?
” “/was your favorite childhood toy?
” ” your favorite book?
What time of day do you like the best? Why?
Describe your perfect day? [Adults can describe a perfect day now or what they would have loved as a kid.]
If you had to plant a garden with one kind of food, what would it be?
Do you have any pets or a favorite pet? Why is that pet your favorite?
Look out the window and describe the first three things you see.
These tips from the pros will teach you how to talk to anyone you encounter, from your family to your co-workers to the barista who makes your morning cup of Joe.
The three types of conversations you’re having
All conversations can be grouped into one of three basic categories, as Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist Charles Duhigg says.
Practical, decision-making conversations focus on questions like “What’s this really about?”
Emotional conversations tend to ask, “How do we feel?”
Social conversations explore questions like “Who are we?”
The No. 1 tip for becoming an expert or at least a better communicator is to learn to recognize which type of conversation is happening and match your responses to it. While you may move in and out of all three types of conversations in a single interaction, the important part is to make sure you’re having the same kind of conversation as your partner at the same time. If you’re trying to have a practical conversation, but your spouse wants an emotional one. Well, you’re not going to be able to connect or communicate well.
So how do you navigate any type of conversation with any type of person? Knowing how to read people is a good place to start. From there, you can follow the advice of expert communicators to learn not only how to initiate a conversation with anyone, but also how to keep a conversation going.
It pays to know how to talk to people
If you want to have any type of relationship with people, then learning good communication skills is a must.
“There is no replacement for ongoing, in-person communication to create real relationships,” says Maybin, who’s the author of If You Can’t Say Something Nice, What Do You Say? She explains that a conversation is a tool to build intimacy, trust and a feeling of safety, deepening bonds and creating a positive cycle of more effective communication.
And the benefits go beyond fostering effective communication in the future. By cultivating relationships, good conversations give us the tools we need when times are tough. “Having real, strong relationships helps us feel better about ourselves and helps us get through difficult times,” she says.
Plus, being a good communicator makes you more likable, makes you appear smarter, and helps you increase successes in your career, find romantic partners and build a network of resources and support.
How to talk to anyone
Knowing how to have a conversation is about more than avoiding rude conversation habits (though that’s the bare minimum). But to make deeper connections, take it to the next level with these tips from our experts. They will help you talk to literally anyone, not only those you know but also random people you encounter, like your Uber driver, a waiter, your sister’s new boyfriend, a dinner party guest you’ve never met before, a customer service rep—you name it.
Prepare for the conversation
Some conversations happen on the fly, but you can anticipate many others—and it’s worth putting in a little bit of prep work. People who took a few moments to prepare themselves for the conversation say they experienced fewer awkward pauses, less anxiety and felt more engaged afterward. So in the moments before a conversation starts, he advises asking yourself:
What are two topics you might discuss? (Being general is OK, so go ahead and chitchat about last night’s ball game, TV shows you like or a new hobby you’ve picked up.)
What is one thing you hope to say?
What is one question you will ask?
The benefit of this exercise is that, even if you never talk about these topics, you have them in your back pocket if you hit a lull. And simply by anticipating what you’ll discuss, you’re likely to feel more confident.
Listen to understand
Want to know how to talk to anyone without being totally awkward? Repeat after us: Don’t just wait your turn to talk. This is communication 101, yet sometimes we all need a reminder to listen.
Of course, this doesn’t mean simply waiting for the pause that signals it’s your turn. The key to better conversations is actively listening, paying attention to both the content of what the person is saying and how they are saying it. Learn how to focus and then give the other person your full attention.
Make eye contact
Nothing makes a person feel more special and heard than receiving undivided attention. I know that sounds obvious, but in our high-tech times, so many people are looking at their devices during a conversation, and you lose that personal connection that makes conversations so valuable.
Need further incentive to keep your phone in your pocket when someone’s talking to you? Being aware of a person’s body language can also help you tell if someone is lying.
Smile and nod your head
A warm smile says “I am so happy to see you!” And what feels better than that?
Face it: Some people just have a resting angry face, and that isn’t a character flaw. But if that’s you, it’s even more important to remember to smile, nod your head and keep open body language. A smile shows that you’re open, friendly and approachable. This is especially important when meeting someone new, but it can reinforce a positive connection with those you do know.
Watch their body language
Pay attention to whether the other person is leaning in toward you and showing interest or looking away and being passive—and adjusting what you’re saying based on that information. Listen to your gut instinct: If someone appears distracted or disinterested, then you either need to end the conversation, change topics or ask them more questions.
Use their name
This is a simple trick, but our communication experts swear by it. It’s a human need to feel seen, heard and remembered, and using a person’s name (and remembering it the next time you see them!) is a powerful tool to do just that. Feel like you’re not a natural at remembering names? Good news: It’s a skill, and you can learn how to remember things better with a little practice.
Give and take equally
You’ve likely been in a conversation with someone who did all the talking, making it all about themselves. And you’ve probably been in the opposite type of conversation, where the other person asks questions about you without offering anything of their own. Both types of conversations are extremely uncomfortable. This is why you should share something about you and then ask the other person about them.
Creating this natural give-and-take will further the conversation and make it more successful, according to experts. This is particularly true when talking about feelings. You don’t have to share anything you’re not comfortable with, but if someone says they are really struggling with their kids right now, sharing a struggle or two with your own children can go a long way toward deepening the conversation and your bond with the other person.
Offer a sincere compliment
People love being acknowledged and noticed in a positive way, in that giving a compliment is also an excellent conversation starter. Just steer clear of compliments about someone’s body—instead, stick to complimenting something they choose or control. For instance, instead of complimenting how thin they are, say that you love their shoes. Even better, compliment something they did or said.
Find ways to agree
Yes, it’s possible to have civil conversations with people you disagree with. Even in contentious conversations, you can generally come up with at least a few things you agree with. These moments build connection and understanding, and they will make the other person more likely to continue the discussion.
“Look for places where you can say ‘I agree with you’ or ‘I think you’re right that …’” experts say. “These remind everyone that, though we may have differences, we want to be aligned.”
Reflect their words back to them
It’s important to acknowledge the other person’s comment before sharing your thoughts. And you can do this with a response that acknowledges what they’ve just said. For example, if someone is sharing vacation stories, respond by saying, “Sounds like you had a lot of fun on your road trip.” Then you can move on and add a story about your own recent trip.
This is especially crucial when having emotional conversations. (Here’s where having high emotional intelligence is clutch.) Saying “I hear you explaining that you are feeling really upset and frustrated right now with your job” goes a long way toward getting the person to open up more, allowing the conversation to go deeper.
Validate and empathize
The next step after reflecting their words back to them is to validate and empathize with their concerns. For instance, if a co-worker is nervous about an upcoming presentation, instead of saying, “Oh, you’ll do fine,” empathize by saying, “I know it can be a bit intimidating to present to your work colleagues.” Doing this will help people feel truly heard and safer sharing their concerns with you.
Check in during the conversation
In longer conversations, it’s a good idea to occasionally check in with the other person and ask questions to make sure you’re understanding what they’re saying. It’s called looping for understanding.
Here’s how it works: Ask questions to make sure you understand what someone has said. Repeat back, in your own words, what you heard. Ask if you got it right. Continue until everyone agrees they understand. This tip nips miscommunication in the bud, clearing up misunderstandings before they cause serious problems.
Use criticism wisely
Criticism or feedback can be tricky in conversations—nothing ends a conversation faster than pointing out everything the other person did wrong—but there are conversations in which it is necessary. Focus on giving feedback in a “compliment sandwich” by offering a positive comment, then the negative feedback, followed by a positive statement.
If you’re on the receiving end, resist the instinct to get defensive or make excuses. It helps to validate their concern and then ask something like, ‘How can I make it right?’ or ‘Tell me more about what happened.’
Expect mistakes—and let them go
No conversation is going to be perfect, and giving yourself and the other person some grace will go a long way in improving communication. Acknowledge, and keep acknowledging, that discomfort is natural—and useful. We will misspeak. We will ask naive questions. We will say things we didn’t realize were offensive. When these discomforts emerge, rather than shutting down, we should use them as opportunities to learn.
And don’t be too hard on yourself. Chances are, your conversation partner liked you a whole lot more than you think. And that’s a scientific fact. A study published in Psychological Science found that people regularly underestimate how much others liked them and enjoyed their company during a conversation, what the study’s authors call the “liking gap.”
So, this post was part 1 of a 2 parter. Click below to view part 2.
Anxiety can cause many different symptoms. It might affect how you feel physically, mentally and how you behave. It’s not always easy to recognize when anxiety is the reason you’re feeling or acting differently.
Everyone experiences stress, which is your body’s physical and emotional response to new or challenging situations. This can occur when you face problems such as those related to work, school, health, and relationships. Feeling stress can be a normal coping response and can forge a healthy sense of our ability to solve problems. However, when the stress is long term, known as chronic stress, it can lead to worsening health problems.
Healthy ways to cope with stress
Learning to cope in a healthy way can help reduce your stress. Taking small steps in your daily life to manage stress can have a big impact. Everyone manages stress differently. You can find and manage what triggers your stress and the right combination of healthy techniques that work for you.
1. The behavioral-environmental part of the problem–
Exposure–confront the scary situation over and over.
Analyze the situation–log and assess the possible causes.
Avoid the stressful situation or person, change your environment.
Seek support from friends, counselors, self-help groups, etc.
2. The emotional part–
Learn to relax–counter the tension directly.
Desensitization–reduce the fear or anxiety response.
Flooding or venting feelings–get strong emotions off your chest.
Stress inoculation–learn to “stay calm” or to “talk yourself down.”
Channel “nervous energy” into fruitful activities.
Develop psychological toughness–take on stressful challenges.
3. Skills for reducing insecurity–
Actually, having more skills makes you feel more competent…you are!
4. Cognitive part–
Observe and model a person successfully handling the scary situation.
Recognize that faulty thinking may be the cause of your stress.
Correct misperceptions–consult with others; test out your views.
Challenge irrational beliefs and demands of how things “should” be.
Right wrong conclusions–check with others, test your reasoning, learn to think logically.
Intentional thorough planning of how to cope.
Healthy attitudes–face problems squarely, commit yourself to action.
Build your faith in your ability to handle stress and other problems.
Find an inspiring mission in life and nurture an optimistic attitude.
5. Unconscious factors–
Explore your history–for traumas, stressful emotions, and beliefs.
Utilize natural curiosity–ask relatives and friends about childhood.
Read psychological literature and case studies: Q: “True of me too?”
Now you are prepared to plan your attack on tension and fears that hold you back. Based on what you know, select the best two or three methods and give them an honest try. If they don’t work, try something else. Good luck.
The list implies that people want to make a personal connection, to feel comfortable and to be noticed.
So, what do you have in common with these people? Unusual clothes, hats, jewelry and body language. Surroundings such as books, statuary, furniture, and social things like food, size of crowd, energy level, etc. You can break the ice starting with those suggestions.
More topics for conversation:
Nostalgia-good memories of the past
Favorites-books, restaurants, movies
How to-e.g. deal with stress, make time to exercise, etc.
Common ground-both drinking coffee, in same building, in same line
Ice-Breaking Openers:
This is my first_______. How do you do______.
How did you get involved in this line of work?
Do you have any tips on letting go of tension?
Keep a file of interesting topics, openers, and funny stories.
If you find the conversation lagging, just remember the odes:
ODES:
O-open your body language for your approach
D-deliver a wide-open and fast-paced grand opening
E-emphatically listen
S-share your ideas generously
Always do Active listening:
Sit or stand with an open, accepting posture
Look at the speaker
Stand straight
Ask for more information
Center questions on the speaker…Do you think, what would you advise
Respond to the speaker, repeat something you’ve heard
Know When it’s time to exit:
Sum up and show appreciation
Explain next step, if there is one
Shake hands and leave
It’s not rocket science. it’s just conversation baby steps. Who knows, you might be a budding, silver-tongued conversationalist. But you will never know unless it’s you who starts the conversation.
In the meantime, check out these articles that might just what you needed to break the ice!
