Tag: Small Talk

Breaking the Ice: What Motivates People

 

Ice-breaking tools-find out what motivates people.

Typical motivators:

  • Personal power
  • Feeling important
  • Recognition
  • Social approval
  • New experiences
  • Love
  • Emotional security

The list implies that people want to make a personal connection, to feel comfortable and to be noticed.

What do you have in common with these people?  Unusual clothes, hats, jewelry and body language.  Surroundings such as books, statuary, furniture, and social things like food, size of crowd, energy level, etc.

Other topics for conversation:

  • Nostalgia-good memories of the past
  • Favorites-books, restaurants, movies
  • How to-e.g. deal with stress, make time to exercise, etc.
  • Common ground-both drinking coffee, in same building, in same line

Openers:

This is my first_______.  How do you do______.

How did you get involved in this line of work?

Do you have any tips on letting go of tension?

Keep a file of interesting topics, openers, and funny stories.

ODES:

  • O-open your body language for your approach
  • D-deliver a wide-open and fast-paced grand opening
  • E-emphatically listen
  • S-share your ideas generously

Active listening:

  • Sit or stand with an open, accepting posture
  • Look at the speaker
  • Stand straight
  • Ask for more information
  • Center questions on the speaker…Do you think, what would you advise
  • Respond to the speaker, repeat something you’ve heard

Exiting:

  • Sum up and show appreciation
  • Explain next step, if there is one
  • Shake hands and leave

It’s not rocket science.  Consider this as conversation baby steps.  Who knows, you might be a budding, silver-tongued conversationalist.  Keep visiting this site for more steps.

By Deborah Shouse Photo Credit: Shutterstock©

 

Related:  BREAKING THE ICE – TUTORING YOU

The Introvert’s Guide to Small Talk

 

If small talk has got ya feeling all sorts of uncomfortable, I want to share some good news: you are far from alone. Typically, introverts find small talk more difficult. This is because being an introvert means you recharge your energy by being alone. It’s not that you don’t like being around other people, it’s just that social situations drain your internal battery. So, for an introvert, small talk with strangers is a little like running your iPhone on full brightness with 1,000 apps open at once while on LTE. That battery is gonna die really quick and when it does, everything gets about 10x more exhausting.

Coping with culture

We live in an extroverted culture, which assumes people are entitled to your time and energy. Some experts believe extroverts outnumber introverts 3:1, so if you often feel overwhelmed and surrounded, it’s because, well, you are.

So, let’s learn how to cope:  How to Turn Awkward Conversations into Meaningful Interactions.

I’m not here to teach you how to be more social. I’m here to help you survive questions like, “So what do you do for a living?” with more space and grace.

Come up with a list of things you would like to talk about.

 If talking about your job, where you live, and whether you are dating anyone sets your teeth on edge, then talk about weird facts, conspiracy theories, or the paranormal instead. Channel your inner politician and deflect and redirect until you are having the conversation you want to be having.

Figure out how you like to socialize.

 For example, I prefer activities to conversations. I’ll plate the food, play with the kids—you’ll often find me doing dishes to avoid chitchat. Bonus, cleaning up creates a nice exit strategy: Everything’s tidy; guess it’s time to wrap up!

Know your saturation limit.

Maybe two hours of hang time feels good, but four is depleting. It’s helpful to announce your time limit ahead of departing instead of taking everyone by surprise: If you say, “I’m only here for an hour” but change your mind, people are stoked you can stay longer versus the inevitable “You can’t leave yet!” protest.

Get a buddy. 

Have someone you can catch eyes with or mutter to under your breath. Just because introverts like our alone time doesn’t mean we want to feel lonely. Lean on your tried-and-true crew that gets what’s up and lets you be you.

Hold yourself to your standard.

 Be respectful and courteous. Don’t feel like you need to become an extrovert just because that’s what all the cool kids are doing.

Here’s wishing you your perfect blend of play and peace.

Source:  mudwtr.com

 

Conversation Starters — The Art of Conversation

It really isn’t rocket science.  It’s talking with another person.  Most conversations don’t start because both parties are afraid to begin. Here are a few questions to ask yourself in order to learn your conversation style, the art of your conversation style.  After learning, you will feel confident enough in any situation to be the one that begins that conversation.  Here we go!

What makes it easy to talk to someone? What traits do you look for in a conversation partner?
Tell about your favorite types of conversations to have? What do you talk about?
How do you know the other person?
Who is the best conversationalist that you have ever met? Why are they such a great conversationalist?
Have you ever had a great conversation with a complete stranger? What made it so great?
What did you talk about?
Where were you?
What is your role in a conversation? Do you dominate?
Do you subordinate?
What percent of a conversation do you spend talking? Have you ever tried to consciously change your conversational style?
What did you change?
What are some good habits you have in conversation?
What are some bad traits you have in conversations?
Who communicates better: men or women? What makes their style better?
What makes it worse?
Do you like to flirt? How do you flirt?
What do you say?
On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate your conversational skill with the opposite sex? Explain.
How do conversations between men and women differ?
Do you like to argue? What do you like to argue about?
Do you always want to be right? What types of arguments do you hate to lose?
What topics should you avoid when talking to a stranger? To a Swiss person?
To a Japanese?
To an American?
What topics are taboos for your culture? What topics are taboo for you personally?
Why do people like to learn bad words in another language?
What do people do that drives you crazy in a conversation?
How do you feel about talking on the phone? Why?
Do you think that some conversations are easier to have on the phone?
Face to face?
What types of conversations, and why?
What are some topics that you can’t stand to talk about? Why?
Do you have better conversations when you are drinking? How do your conversations change after you have been drinking?
Have you ever said something to someone that you wish you hadn’t said?
What was it? Explain.
If you could relive any conversation of your life, what would it be? Why? Explain.
How do you feel about being frank? Explain.
How do you feel about blunt people? Is there such a thing as being too honest? Explain.
In your experience, which country’s people are the easiest to talk to? Explain.
Which country’s people are difficult to talk to? Explain.
If you could have the voice of any famous person, whose voice would you want? Why?
How do you feel about conversations with people older than yourself? Are there any older people who you have conversations with regularly?
Who are they?
Some people like to talk about things, and some people like to do things. What kind of person are you? Explain.
If you could have a conversation with any famous living person, who would you talk to? What would you talk about?
Why would you want to talk about that? Explain.
If you could talk with a famous deceased person, who would you talk to ? What would you talk about, and why?
Do you like to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations? What kind of questions do you like to overhear? Where do you listen?
Have you ever spied on anyone? Have you ever recorded a phone call or conversation? Why?
Would you ever do it? Explain.
If you had to choose, would you rather marry a partner who is handsome/beautiful and sexy, but who is a terrible conversationalist, or a partner who is a wonderful conversationalist, but who is less-attractive-than-average? Explain.
What was a difficult conversation you had to have in your life? How did it turn out?
What made it hard? Explain.
Would you like to be a salesman, a teacher, a reporter?
Would you like to have a career that requires you to talk to a lot of people? Why? Which career?
How can you improve your conversation skills? Explain.

Source:  iteslj.org/questions

How to Ask and Answer Basic English Questions

One of the most important tasks in speaking any language is asking questions. This article will help you learn how to ask and answer questions so you can begin having conversations in English. To help you, questions are divided into categories with a short explanation.

Yes and No Questions vs. Information Questions

There are two main types of questions in English: questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no, and questions that require a more detailed response.

Yes and No Questions

Are you happy today?Yes, I am.
Did you have fun at the party.No, I didn’t.
Will you come to class tomorrow?Yes, I will.

Information Questions

Information questions are asked with the question words what, where, when, how, why, and which. These questions require longer answers to provide the specific information requested. Notice that each of these questions are answered with the positive or negative form of the helping verb. 

Where are you from?I’m from Seattle.
What did you do on Saturday evening?We went to see a film.
Why was the class difficult?The class was difficult because the teacher didn’t explain things well.

Questions With Greetings: Saying Hello

Start the conversation with a greeting. Examples include:

  • How are you? (formal)
  • How’s it going? (informal)
  • What’s up? (informal)
  • How’s life? (informal)

Practice Dialogue:

  • Mary: What’s up?
  • Jane: Nothing much. How are you?
  • Mary: I’m fine. 

 

thoughtco.com/ask-and-answer-questions

20 Good Questions to ask a Girl

 

Here’s a quick way to build a conversational flow so that you can start to talk at a deeper level:

  1. Begin with a curiosity booster. Show curiosity about your participant; what are their concerns, loves, dislikes, passions?
  2. Move to personal reflection. Once you have captured their curiosity, move on to something a bit more personal and reflective. Why are they passionate about something, what moves them to like or dislike another?
  3. Observe comfort level. Are they being hesitant toward these questions, or are they accepting them and answering them with passion and intensity?
  4. If receptive, ask relational or existential questions. If they aren’t receptive, it’s time to back off a bit and move the conversation elsewhere. If they are really opening up, you can ask even deeper questions or move beyond the why to the who and what questions.

The Conversational Flow Model keeps conversations natural and flowing without being interrogative or pushy.

To get to know a girl, ask open-ended questions about her passions, her childhood, and experiences to reveal her personality rather than just facts. Good questions include asking about her “happy place,” biggest passions, memorable trips, and personal goals. Focus on her motivations and what brings her joy.

From easy questions to deep conversations, here are 20 good questions to ask a girl.  These questions are designed to ignite laughter, introspection, and maybe even a bit of friendly banter. So, get ready to upgrade your conversation skills and make every interaction memorable!

Early Getting-to-Know-You

  1. What is one thing that never fails to make you laugh?
  2. What is your favorite way to spend a rainy day?
  3. What is the best trip you’ve ever taken?
  4. What is a passion or hobby you could talk about for hours?
  5. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Personal Background & Childhood

6. What is your favorite memory from childhood?
7. What did you want to be when you grew up?
8. Did you have a favorite teacher or class in school?
9. What is one thing that always makes you feel nostalgic?
10. What is a family tradition you really love?

Values & Ambitions

11. What is a dream you have that you have yet to achieve?
12. What does a “perfect day” look like to you?
13. What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
14. What are you most proud of in your life right now?
15. If money was no object, what would you do with your life?

Fun & Quirky

16. What is your go-to karaoke song?
17. What is the most random thing you’ve bought on impulse?
18. If you could be an expert in one thing, what would it be?
19. What is your favorite guilty pleasure movie or show?
20. If you could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?

Source:  ©teenvogue.com

BREAKING THE ICE

 

Breaking the ice-Learn what motivates people.

Typical motivators:

  • Personal power
  • Feeling important
  • Recognition
  • Social approval
  • New experiences
  • Love
  • Emotional security

The list implies that people want to make a personal connection, to feel comfortable and to be noticed.

So, what do you have in common with these people?  Unusual clothes, hats, jewelry and body language.  Surroundings such as books, statuary, furniture, and social things like food, size of crowd, energy level, etc. You can break the ice starting with those suggestions.

More topics for conversation:

  • Nostalgia-good memories of the past
  • Favorites-books, restaurants, movies
  • How to-e.g. deal with stress, make time to exercise, etc.
  • Common ground-both drinking coffee, in same building, in same line

Ice-Breaking Openers:

This is my first_______.  How do you do______.

How did you get involved in this line of work?

Do you have any tips on letting go of tension?

Keep a file of interesting topics, openers, and funny stories.

 

If you find the conversation lagging, just remember the odes:

ODES:

  • O-open your body language for your approach
  • D-deliver a wide-open and fast-paced grand opening
  • E-emphatically listen
  • S-share your ideas generously

 

Always do Active listening:

  • Sit or stand with an open, accepting posture
  • Look at the speaker
  • Stand straight
  • Ask for more information
  • Center questions on the speaker…Do you think, what would you advise
  • Respond to the speaker, repeat something you’ve heard

 

Know When it’s time to exit:

  • Sum up and show appreciation
  • Explain next step, if there is one
  • Shake hands and leave

It’s not rocket science. it’s just conversation baby steps.  Who knows, you might be a budding, silver-tongued conversationalist. But you will never know unless it’s you who starts the conversation.

 In the meantime, check out these articles that might just what you needed to break the ice!

Keep visiting this site for more steps.

By Deborah Shouse Photo Credit:  glowbl.com©

 

To read more about breaking the ice, here are some articles to read:

7 Ways to Start a Conversation that Leads Where You Want It to – TUTORING YOU

Conversation Starters: 25 Questions to Draw People Out – TUTORING YOU

Breaking the Ice: What Motivates People – TUTORING YOU