BREAKING THE ICE

Ice-breaking tools-find out what motivates people.

Typical motivators:

  • Personal power
  • Feeling important
  • Recognition
  • Social approval
  • New experiences
  • Love
  • Emotional security

The list implies that people want to make a personal connection, to feel comfortable and to be noticed.

What do you have in common with these people?  Unusual clothes, hats, jewelry and body language.  Surroundings such as books, statuary, furniture, and social things like food, size of crowd, energy level, etc.

Other topics for conversation:

  • Nostalgia-good memories of the past
  • Favorites-books, restaurants, movies
  • How to-e.g. deal with stress, make time to exercise, etc.
  • Common ground-both drinking coffee, in same building, in same line

Openers:

This is my first_______.  How do you do______.

How did you get involved in this line of work?

Do you have any tips on letting go of tension?

Keep a file of interesting topics, openers, and funny stories.

ODES:

  • O-open your body language for your approach
  • D-deliver a wide-open and fast-paced grand opening
  • E-emphatically listen
  • S-share your ideas generously

Active listening:

  • Sit or stand with an open, accepting posture
  • Look at the speaker
  • Stand straight
  • Ask for more information
  • Center questions on the speaker…Do you think, what would you advise
  • Respond to the speaker, repeat something you’ve heard

Exiting:

  • Sum up and show appreciation
  • Explain next step, if there is one
  • Shake hands and leave

It’s not rocket science.  Consider this as conversation baby steps.  Who knows, you might be a budding, silver-tongued conversationalist.  Keep visiting this site for more steps.

By Deborah Shouse Photo Credit: Shutterstock©

What Makes Someone Boring to Other People and How to Stop it

Forget about delusions of grandeur — turns out many of us could be suffering from delusions of being interesting.

A new paper, “Boring People: Stereotype Characteristics, Interpersonal Attributions, and Social Reactions,” set about identifying what makes a person boring, and the results are pretty harsh.

Led by the University of Essex’s Wijnand Van Tilburg​​, researchers asked more than 500 people to rank the most boring characteristics, hobbies and jobs in other people. Here are some of the top results of those surveys. (Prepare to be offended.) 

theawesomedaily.com

Boring personality traits:

No sense of humor

Bad conversationalist

Being inactive

Self-centered

Actively disliking things 

Boring occupations:

Accounting

Banking and finance

Librarian

Manual labor

Sales

Boring hobbies:

Watching TV

Collecting

Crafts

Gaming

Playing golf

What’s so bad about being boring?

While no one wants to see people stifling yawns whenever they start to speak, the study suggests that being boring can have a bigger negative impact on our lives than we think. Study subjects admitted to regarding boring people as a burden that they would rather avoid than suffer through in social and business settings. “Our research shows that people who possess stereotypically boring features are perceived as both less interpersonally warm and less competent, and they elicit social avoidance by others,” write the researchers.

How to not be boring

Does this mean you are doomed if you are an accountant who isn’t good at small talk and likes to knit on the weekends? Of course not. Psychology Today suggests these methods to keep yourself off the dull list:

1. Don’t complain to other people.

Friends are interested to know if something serious is happening in your life, but no one wants to hear you go on and on about a delayed flight.

2. Don’t talk about yourself — ask people questions about their lives.

And don’t just ask one question, follow up to get deeper. This isn’t being nosey, it is being interested.

3. Don’t be afraid to change the topic of conversation, even if it seems random.

People tend to perceive this as rude, but it is a surefire way to keep a conversation crackling.

4. Be present when someone is talking (i.e. don’t grunt while checking your phone).

Body language is just as important as what you say to show that you are engaged.

5. Told a story that got a good laugh? Remember and retell it at your next gathering. 

Like a standup comedian, have a couple of reliable stories to fall back on. (Note: only do this if you’re not hanging out with the same people!)

Now, go forth and be the riveting friend and colleague you’re almost certain you are.

By Dan Bova for Entrepreneur.com©

Source: Scientists Have Determined What Makes You Boring to Other People (chron.com)

Also, check out tutoringyou.org “Conversation Starters” for easy small-talk ideas.

Holiday Small Talk Tips That Don’t Involve Work, Babies, or Politics

There is nothing I loathe more than small talk, and the holidays are just about the worst. Probably like many of you, I find myself attending a lot of holiday functions. I’ll go several holiday gatherings for various magazines I write for. I’ll attend my husband’s company party. I’ll drop in on a few open houses for area businesses. And ultimately, I’ll find myself running out of things to talk about at every single one of these functions. Like we need more stress this time of year, am I right?

The reality is, I like to talk to people. I’m naturally curious, and I enjoy asking questions. However, oftentimes I ask the wrong questions. You know the ones: those conversation enders instead of conversation starters. There’s the usual, “What do you do? What part of town do you live in? And do you have kids?” And for me, that last one is the ultimate doozy because I, in fact, do not have kids. So ends that conversation. Oops.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I not only hate asking those typical questions but answering them too. It’s difficult to describe my non-traditional career; it’s hurtful to explain why I’m not going home for the holidays, and it’s boring to talk about the same things over and over again. Who’s with me?!

This holiday season, I’m saying enough is enough when it comes to dreaded holiday small talk. Instead of avoiding it, I’m going to embrace it, thanks to the guidance of Erika Preval. Erika is an Atlanta-based etiquette expert who also owns a modern day charm school. After years working on Wall Street, writing for the likes of Southern Living, and being a personal shopper at Tiffany’s (hello dream job!), Erika knows her stuff when it comes to all things etiquette.

Start with a compliment.

Who doesn’t love hearing something positive about themselves? Preval explained that a tried-and-true way to start a conversation and get someone talking is to say something nice about them. “Compliments are great conversation starters, and with everyone dressed in their finest, you’ll likely have many occasions during the holidays to create an instant connection with the recipient when giving them,” she said. She emphasized that it’s important to think beyond the weather and focus instead on things people like talking about. “Chatting about upcoming travel plans, new restaurants, or even favorite (non-controversial) podcasts are also ways to keep the conversation going,” Preval added.

Recently, a hostess friend of mine said one of her favorite ways to start a conversation is to ask what someone did that day. I love that! Think of all of the answers that will come up in that response. Preval also said to be ready for what’s next. “Be armed with leading follow-up questions,” she explained. “‘Tell me more…’  expresses interest in what you’ve just heard and is a simple way to keep the conversation going.”

 

Know how to dip out graciously.

As a conversation starts to dwindle, it can become clear it’s time to move on. However, doing so without being awkward is, well, awkward. “When the conversation starts to wane and you’re beginning to feel like the rhythm has been lost, it’s time to move on,” Preval said. “You can graciously exit the conversation with, ‘I’ve really enjoyed catching up with you. Please excuse me…’ or by introducing them to another person who might be a better fit.”

Leaving a conversation to start a new one can also be a bit tricky, but Preval explained there are ways to do so with confidence. “If the group is open, enter with a simple greeting and introduce yourself,” she noted. “If you’ve overheard the subject matter of their current conversation, add to the discussion with your experiences or inquiries. ‘Did I hear you talking about ____? I’ve always wanted to go there. What is the one thing I shouldn’t miss when I visit?’”

 

Be confident around your coworkers (and don’t rely on liquid courage).

It can be tempting to head to the bar as soon as you get to a party, especially to calm your nerves. Avoid the temptation by giving yourself a little confidence–boosting pep-talk. “Often, when you’re employed in an office where co-workers are known to socialize, your interview was likely looking for a fit for both hard and social skills. Find confidence in that and be yourself,” Preval said. Of course, holiday parties are a time for revelry, so imbibing is often expected and anticipated, and that’s OK! However, keep it light, but professional. “If alcohol is present at an event with co-workers, it is OK to join them,” Preval explained. “Know your tolerance and take care to consume beverages that you’re familiar with to avoid unintentionally being over-served.” Another tip? Don’t feel pressured to drink. “A soda with lime, tonic with citrus, or holding the same glass of wine throughout your time together is perfectly fine,” Preval noted.

Ultimately, have fun! Whether you’re slowly sipping on jingle juice or confidently rocking around the Christmas tree, enjoy yourself. Erika’s final piece of advice? “Please don’t enter the event in search of the WiFi password. Unless you’re expecting a call, your phone should be put away at social events. Connect with the people your feet are facing instead those you interact with virtually.” Cheers to a successful holiday party season!

 

https://theeverygirl.com/holiday-small-talk-tips/

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