Category: Life Skills and Personal Growth

Life skills are the foundational abilities and knowledge that enable individuals to navigate everyday life effectively, grow as persons, and contribute positively to society.

Meditation to Unleash Your Creativity

Do you have thousands of unproductive thoughts cluttering your mind? 

You’ve been sitting at your desk for 15 minutes but just staring at the screen. So far, you haven’t written a word. Even when your mind happens to throw you an idea, it’s not one worth pursuing. So, you continue to sit there, frustrated because you just don’t know what to write.

Have you been there and done that? Pretty annoying, right, especially since 15 minutes can turn into 30, 45, or even an hour or more?

What if you stopped forcing it and, instead, just allowed an idea to come to you? What if you could let go of your feelings of pressure or stress and relaxed into a place of creativity?

It’s possible.

Let It Go and Allow

Like the song from the movie Frozen, you can, indeed, let it all go. From the place of emptiness, ideas will flow to you easily and quickly.

If this sounds all airy-fairy, well, you could see it that way. After all, I’m talking about meditation. That said, most people these days accept meditation as a sound practice for stress release, productivity, creativity, and general wellbeing.

I want to add an additional element to the meditation, though—a spiritual aspect.

If you don’t see yourself as a spiritual person or don’t believe in God, Source, Creator, or whatever you might call It, that’s fine. There’s a way to open and allow using the process I describe below without any type of religious or spiritual belief.

Let me explain …

Create a Space for Creativity

Your mind is a busy place. According to the National Science Foundation, an average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts.

That means you think the same thoughts pretty much day in and day out. I bet that when you sit down to type, your negative thoughts come into play—thoughts like, “I don’t know what to write,” “I don’t have any good ideas,” and “No one will want to read what I write.”

That’s not helpful if you are looking for new ideas or want to tap into your creativity.

If you want to allow in more ideas and get your creative juices flowing, you need to slow down and quiet the noise in your head. That’s where meditation comes in.

Use Meditation to Enhance to Find Ideas

You can’t really stop your thoughts. Most meditators will tell you that their thoughts may slow, or they may become more aware of them. Still, their mind rarely becomes totally quiet during a meditation period.

However, since you can only think about one thing at a time, the key to quieting your brain lies in deciding what to think about. For this simple meditation, I suggest you think only about breathing.

Specifically, use a tried and true, simple meditation technique that requires you only that you focus on your breath.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

That’s all you think about while you meditate. Breathe in. Breathe out.

There are other ways to meditate, but this technique is simple, and anyone can do it. More than that, it works. It gives your mind a “bone” to “chew on,” and that stops all those thoughts for a while.

Once your mind gets quiet (or quieter), you’ve created a space for something new to exit. And in that space, an idea will appear.

Give it time … Don’t be impatient. Continue breathing without thinking about the need for an idea. Just relax and breathe.

Wait for it … the idea will come.

Ask for What You Want

Now comes the spiritual part. Again, you don’t need to believe in a God of any type for this.

If you don’t believe in God or have a broader concept of divinity, consider this an intention-setting practice. Begin your meditation session by saying aloud or in your head something like, “It is my intention during this meditation period to open to my creative nature and remove all blocks to my creativity. It is also my intention to discover an idea that inspires and motivates me and serves my readers and me.” Use your own words.

If you do believe in God, add to your meditation practice a simple prayer. When you begin meditating, mentally say something like, “God, please help me open to my creative nature. Remove all blocks to my creativity. And help me know what to write. Show me or bring me an idea that supports my highest good and the highest good of my readers. Amen.” Again, use your own words.

Ask for what you want and then breathe. Just breathe. Focus on your breath, and an idea will appear in the space you created.

Article and photo by: Nina Amir for Writer’s Digest©

Related: A Spiritual Being on a Human Journey – TUTORING YOU

See Yourself as a Magnet

 

Magnetism requires a fine balance of openness and knowing when to hold back a little, and that’s something a lot of people struggle to master. Here’s how to achieve it in your own life.

1. Master the art of active listening to draw people in.

Truly listening to people makes them feel valued and understood. Focus on what they’re saying, ask thoughtful questions, and make it clear that you actually care about the answers. Doing so encourages people to open up and feel connected to you, without you having to divulge much about yourself.

2. Use humor to create a positive atmosphere.

A well-timed joke or witty comment can lighten the mood and make you incredibly appealing. Develop your sense of humor but keep it light and inclusive. Avoid self-deprecating jokes or humor at other people’s expense, as this can backfire and make you seem insecure or unkind.

3. Cultivate an air of mystery by leaving some questions unanswered.

You don’t need to be an open book. When asked personal questions, it’s okay to give partial answers or deflect with a smile. This creates intrigue and keeps people interested in learning more about you over time.

4. Develop a unique personal style to stand out.

Your appearance is often the first thing people notice. Develop a style that’s authentically you, whether it’s a signature accessory or a particular color palette. This visual distinctiveness can make you memorable without saying a word.

Wow, I could go on but I think you would benefit by going directly to this website for more info: 14 Ways To Be Magnetic Without Revealing Everything – The Sense Hub

Good stuff!

Related:  Taking Time to Discover Yourself – TUTORING YOU

The Fight against Robocalls

 

Robocalls are phone calls made using an autodialer or a prerecorded or artificial voice message.

Robocalls are more than an annoyance, they are often the preferred tool of fraudsters. Stopping illegal robocalls is the Federal Communication Commission’s (FCC) top consumer protection priority.

To restore trust in our phone networks, the FCC is fighting illegal robocalls at every point of a call’s journey, from its source to your phone.

This includes empowering carriers to block more illegal robocalls before they reach consumers.  Thus, giving consumers better tools to distinguish legitimate calls from scams.  Also, enforcement has been stepped up against disrupting scam calls that originate outside of the United States.

Robocalls rules

FCC rules require a caller to obtain your prior written consent – on paper or through electronic means.   This to be done before they make a prerecorded telemarketing call to your home or wireless phone number. FCC rules also apply before making an autodialed or prerecorded call or text to your wireless number.

These rules do not apply to emergency calls about danger to life, safety, or property.

Types of permitted autodialed calls

FCC rules allow market research or polling calls and calls on behalf of tax-exempt non-profit groups to landline numbers. Calls about school closings or flight information are also permitted to your landline.

Opting out of autodialed calls

Prerecorded telemarketing calls must provide an opt-out option at the start of the message. You may opt out of any robocall or robotext at any time and in any reasonable manner, even if you previously gave consent for such calls.

Prerecorded voice messages

All prerecorded voice message calls must include the caller’s name, number, and business name at the beginning of the message.

Artificial intelligence and voice cloning

AI-generated voice calls are illegal unless the consumer has agreed to receive them or the caller is exempt.

Telephone solicitations

Telephone solicitations are calls that act as an advertisement. Phone solicitations are permissible with prior express permission or from tax-exempt non-profits. Telemarketing calls based on an established business relationship are not permitted to your landline phone without your advanced permission.

The fight against robocalls can even bring telecom rivals together.

AT&T and Comcast said Wednesday that they can authenticate calls made between the two different phone providers’ networks, a potential industry first and the latest in the long-running battle against spam calls.

The system, which uses a method developed in recent years, verifies that a legitimate call is being made instead of a one that has been spoofed by spammers, scammers or robocallers with a “digital signature.” The recipient network then confirms the signature on its side.

The companies said consumers will get a notification that a call is verified, but exactly what that will look like is not yet known.

Both AT&T and Comcast will roll out the system to home phone users later this year at no extra charge.

Filing complaints about robocalls and texts

FCC Complaints: You can report illegal calls or texts to the FCC. Choose the “unwanted calls” category and note if your number is being spoofed, blocked, or mislabeled.

What Happens Next: The FCC doesn’t resolve individual complaints but uses them to guide policy and possible enforcement under the Telephone Consumer Protection Act or the Truth in Caller ID Act. Your complaint may also be shared with other enforcement agencies.

FTC Complaints: Report phone scams or Do Not Call violations to the FTC.

Do Not Call Registry

The National Do Not Call Registry is a list of landline and wireless phone numbers that legitimate telemarketers agree not to call. You can register your numbers for free at donotcall.gov, or by calling 1-888-382-1222 (TTY: 1-866-290-4236). You must call from the phone number you wish to register.

Under FCC rules, telemarketers calling your home must provide their name along with the name, telephone number, and address where their employer or contractor can be contacted. Telemarketing calls to your home are prohibited before 8 a.m. and after 9 p.m., and telemarketers must comply immediately with any do-not-call request you make during a call.

Related:  If you answer your phone and hear this recording, hang up immediately – TUTORING YOU

Improving Your Happiness

 

Some people seem to have a naturally higher baseline for happiness—one large-scale study of more than 2,000 twins suggested that around 50% of overall life satisfaction was due to genetics, 10% to external events, and 40% to individual activities.

So while you might not be able to control what your “base level” of happiness is, there are things that you can do to make your life happier and more fulfilling. Even the happiest of individuals can feel down from time to time and happiness is something that all people need to consciously pursue.

Get Regular Exercise

Exercise is good for both your body and mind. Physical activity is linked to a range of physical and psychological benefits including improved mood. Numerous studies have shown that regular exercise may play a role in warding off symptoms of depression, but evidence also suggests that it may also help make people happier, too.

In one analysis of past research on the connection between physical activity and happiness, researchers found a consistent positive link.

Even a little bit of exercise produces a happiness boost—people who were physically active for as little as 10 minutes a day or who worked out only once a week had higher levels of happiness than people who never exercised.

Show Gratitude

In one study, participants were asked to engage in a writing exercise for 10 to 20 minutes each night before bed. Some were instructed to write about daily hassles, some about neutral events, and some about things they were grateful for. The results found that people who had written about gratitude had increase positive emotions, increased subjective happiness, and improve life satisfaction.

As the authors of the study suggest, keeping a gratitude list is a relatively easy, affordable, simple, and pleasant way to boost your mood. Try setting aside a few minutes each night to write down or think about things in your life that you are grateful for.

Find a Sense of Purpose

Research has found that people who feel like they have a purpose have better well-being and feel more fulfilled.12 A sense of purpose involves seeing your life as having goals, direction, and meaning. It may help improve happiness by promoting healthier behaviors. 

Some things you can do to help find a sense of purpose include:

  • Explore your interests and passions
  • Engage in prosocial and altruistic causes
  • Work to address injustices
  • Look for new things you might want to learn more about

This sense of purpose is influenced by a variety of factors, but it is also something that you can cultivate. It involves finding a goal that you care deeply about that will lead you to engage in productive, positive actions in order to work toward that goal.

Challenges

While seeking happiness is important, there are times when the pursuit of life satisfaction falls short. Some challenges to watch for include:

Valuing the Wrong Things

Money may not be able to buy happiness, but there is research that spending money on things like experiences can make you happier than spending it on material possessions. 

One study, for example, found that spending money on things that buy time—such as spending money on time-saving services—can increase happiness and life satisfaction.

Rather than overvaluing things such as money, status, or material possessions, pursuing goals that result in more free time or enjoyable experiences may have a higher happiness reward.

Not Seeking Social Support

Social support means having friends and loved ones that you can turn to for support. Research has found that perceived social support plays an important role in subjective well-being. For example, one study found that perceptions of social support were responsible for 43% of a person’s level of happiness.

It is important to remember that when it comes to social support, quality is more important than quantity. Having just a few very close and trusted friends will have a greater impact on your overall happiness than having many casual acquaintances.

Thinking of Happiness as an Endpoint

Happiness isn’t a goal that you can simply reach and be done with. It is a constant pursuit that requires continual nurturing and sustenance.

One study found that people who tend to value happiness most also tended to feel the least satisfied with their lives. Essentially, happiness becomes such a lofty goal that it becomes virtually unattainable. 

“Valuing happiness could be self-defeating because the more people value happiness, the more likely they will feel disappointed,” suggest the authors of the study.

Perhaps the lesson is to not make something as broadly defined as “happiness” your goal. Instead, focus on building and cultivating the sort of life and relationships that bring fulfillment and satisfaction to your life. 

How to Practice

While some people just tend to be naturally happier, there are things that you can do to cultivate your sense of happiness. 

Pursue Intrinsic Goals 

Achieving goals that you are intrinsically motivated to pursue, particularly ones that are focused on personal growth and community, can help boost happiness. Research suggests that pursuing these types of intrinsically motivated goals can increase happiness more than pursuing extrinsic goals like gaining money or status.

Enjoy the Moment

Studies have found that people tend to over earn—they become so focused on accumulating things that they lose track of actually enjoying what they are doing.

So, rather than falling into the trap of mindlessly accumulating to the detriment of your own happiness, focus on practicing gratitude for the things you have and enjoying the process as you go. 

Reframe Negative Thoughts

When you find yourself stuck in a pessimistic outlook or experiencing negativity, look for ways that you can reframe your thoughts in a more positive way. 

People have a natural negativity bias, or a tendency to pay more attention to bad things than to good things. This can have an impact on everything from how you make decisions to how you form impressions of other people. 

Reframing these negative perceptions isn’t about ignoring the bad. Instead, it means trying to take a more balanced, realistic look at events. It allows you to notice patterns in your thinking and then challenge negative thoughts.

Article by Kendra Cherry for ©verywellmind.com

Photo by MoMo Productions / Getty Images

Related:  Happiness: Love as a Key to Fulfillment – TUTORING YOU

You are your Best Investment

 

Quote of the day by Warren Buffett: ‘The best investment is in yourself’

What the quote means

At its core, this quote is about prioritizing self-growth.

Buffett’s message is simple but powerful: your greatest asset isn’t a stock or property, it is you. Improving your abilities, habits and thinking compounds over time, much like a good investment.

It also reframes success. Instead of focusing only on external gains, it shifts attention to internal development, something that pays lifelong dividends.

Why it resonates today

In today’s fast-changing world, skills become outdated quickly and industries evolve constantly. That makes continuous learning and self-improvement more important than ever.

Whether it’s upskilling, improving decision-making, or building resilience, investing in yourself is one of the few strategies that remains relevant regardless of market cycles.

How to apply this in daily life

  • Invest time in learning, through books, courses or real-world experience.
  • Build habits that improve your mental and physical well-being.
  • Focus on skills that compound over time, like communication and critical thinking.
  • Track progress, not just outcomes.
  • Avoid shortcuts that compromise long-term growth.
  • Stay curious, growth begins with the willingness to learn.

Here are 36 specifically designed ideas for the average person to grab hold of.  Soon, you will learn that it’s not rocket science, but a steady flow of learning that transforms you into a superstar.

 

aurorasa-coaching.com

Graphic by bestofmotivation.com

Create Your Life Handbook

One of the tools that has been crucial in my personal growth journey is my life handbook. What is a life handbook?

 

A life handbook is your guidebook to live your best life.  It consists of everything from your life purpose, your life goals, your action plans right down to your daily tasks. Your life handbook reflects the essence of what it means to be you and what it takes to live your best life. Think of it as your GPS for life. Read further to learn how to create your own life handbook.

How I Came to Create My Life Handbook

Back in 2006, I was about to graduate from university. I had already found my passion to help others to grow, but decided to work in the corporate world first rather than pursue it right away. I promised myself to keep my passion in mind and pursue it when the time was right.

Fast forward to 2007, and what had I done about my passion? Absolutely nothing! It wasn’t that I lost interest, but that I had been so busy working that I had no mental space to think about anything else after work. During weekends, I would either be working or recharging after a hectic work week. I also found the same non-progress in my Quadrant 2 goals like finding love, losing weight, and spending time with my family. Despite wanting to realize these goals, it was difficult to do so with day-to-day priorities screaming at me every day.

I realized that I needed some kind of tool to remind me of my long-term goals while helping me live every day to the fullest. Not a to-do list, because this is only a micro-tool that will help with managing daily to-dos but not long-term goals. Not an action plan, as it tends to be goal-based (e.g. lose weight or improve work performance) and doesn’t give me the holistic view on life that I needed.

What I needed was a guidebook for life. A guidebook that would consist of my life purpose, personal values, daily mottoes, long-term goals, short-term goals, and my personal life lessons. A guidebook that I could refer to every day to live my best life. This guidebook would assist me in my everyday thinking, decisions, and actions; it would also remind me of my long-term priorities so that I would always be moving toward them and not forget about them.

From there, my life handbook was born.

Benefits Of Having Your Life Handbook

 

Example of a Life handbook by PE reader Karin

A life handbook is incredibly powerful in many ways.

First, having your handbook is a key step to becoming a true leader of your life. Many people live aimlessly, with no clarity of what they want to accomplish. Creating your handbook forces you to reflect on your life, think about what you want, and create plans to realize them. Subsequently, your handbook becomes a crucial tool to live a life of highest purpose — purpose as defined by you.

Secondly, it gives you clarity. There are so many distractions in our lives that it’s easy to get sidetracked by them. Many things that are urgent but aren’t important can often take center stage and pull us away from the things that matter. Your life handbook reminds you of the important things that matter and to focus on them.

Thirdly, it is your guidebook for living a great life. Not sure what to do in a dilemma? Have a conflict that you don’t know how to resolve? Feeling a little lost in life? Well, refer to your life handbook! As you review your purpose, your values, and your goals, it helps you to reconnect with your inner self and to make the decisions that align with your highest being.

How to Create Your Life Handbook

Step #1: Decide on the Format. Soft Copy or Hard Copy?

First decide on the format of your book. Do you want to go soft copy (e.g. Excel spreadsheet, MS Word, or PowerPoint) or hard copy (e.g. a notebook or a physical folder)?

There is no hard and fast rule on which format to use; it’s up to your personal preference. Some of my clients and readers prefer a digital format for their handbook. Some prefer hard copy; they purchase blank notebooks and decorate them as their handbooks.

Personally, I prefer a soft copy handbook as 1) you can easily edit the information, 2) most software has functions to help you organize information readily, and 3) you can transfer it across different mediums like mobile, your work laptop, and your home laptop. I use an Excel spreadsheet for my handbook. Some PE readers have great success using EverNote and MS OneNote for their handbooks, so you can consider them as well.

If you want to use a hard copy handbook, that’s great too! Shop for a nice notebook to get started.

Step #2: Fill in Your Handbook

Your handbook is meant to be your manual for living. It should consist of anything and everything important to living our best life. Below is a good starting point of what to put:

  1. Your life purpose/vision/mission
  2. Your values
  3. Your strengths
  4. Your improvement areas
  5. Your life adages (i.e. your personal mottos on living a great life. These can be inspirational quotes or personal mottoes.)
  6. Your vision board (Vision boards are visual representation of your goals and dreams.)
  7. Your long-term life goals, comprising of 5-, 3-, and 1-year goals
  8. Your short-term life goals, usually a breakdown of your 1-year goals
  9. Your action plans to achieve your goals

 

While the above outline may seem a little hefty, there is no need to work on everything in one sitting; neither is it reasonable to expect that. Simply filling out one section (say, your life purpose) requires deep thought and self-reflection.

Rather, take as much time as you need. Do whatever you can today, then continue tomorrow. Two weeks is a good time frame to get the core sections in place.

Remember that your handbook is meant to be a work-in-progress. There will never be a point when your handbook is truly completed, because life is a journey to be discovered every day. Make it a habit to update your handbook daily, even if for just five minutes each time.

Step #3: Decorate it!

Your handbook is all about you, so personalize it! A great way to spice up your book is to decorate it with photographs and images that inspire you.

For example, for my healthy living goal, I have visuals of fruits, nuts, fruit/vegetable smoothies, salads and water (to remind myself to drink enough water every day). Different sections of my Excel handbook is color-coded to facilitate my reading.

Here’s an example of PE reader Kulit’s digital life handbook:

Life handbook by Kulit

 

No matter how many clients I work with, it’s always exciting to see how each of them puts together his/her handbook, as everyone’s handbook always turns out different. Your handbook is a representation of your individuality, so don’t worry about conforming to a certain “standard.” Rather, let your creativity flow!

Step #4: Have a backup (if you’re using a soft copy!)

Because your handbook is extremely important, have at least one backup. I back up my handbook via email every month and also save a copy on my external hard drive.

My Experience Creating My Handbook

After realizing that I needed a tool to guide me in everyday living, I created my life handbook in the form of an Excel spreadsheet. At that time, I didn’t think of this as my “life handbook” — I simply saw it as a tool to document my life lessons.

Each day, I would add to this document, edit the content, and structure the information. If I was busy, I would spend five to ten minutes on it; if I wasn’t, I could spend hours fiddling away! From my life purpose to my values, to my daily mottoes, to my long-term life goals, to my short-term life goals, I would add all kinds of information important to living my best life.

Before I knew it, this innocuous document had transformed into my life manual. It was about a couple of months before I finally felt that the core foundations of my handbook was in place.

Today, my handbook is a massive Excel workbook with nearly 20 sheets! It’s chocked full of knowledge that I have gained in my past decades of conscious living. Below is a partial outline of my handbook:

  1. My overall life purpose/vision
  2. My life-long goals
    • 5-, 3-, and 1-year goals
    • My 1-year goals, broken down into months
  3. My vision board
  4. My values
  5. My overall life adages based on what I have learned in life
  6. My strengths, improvement areas, and my blind spots
  7. Things that motivate me in life
  8. My strategies, plans and tracking for my goals
  9. Daily to-do list (Updated on an ongoing basis)
  10. Inspirational quotes
  11. Highlights of each year
  12. Annual reflections
  13. Miscellaneous information that I access frequently: My finances, my credit card information, grocery lists, etc.

After Creating Your Life Handbook…

  1. Look at your handbook every morning before starting your day. Start off by reviewing your purpose, then your values, followed by your mottoes, and then your long-term goals and short-term goals. You will find that just spending a few minutes looking through your book every day will give you immense focus and clarity, which will ripple out to create dramatic changes in the long run.
  2. Refer to it throughout the day to remind yourself of your goals. My handbook is open in my computer all the time so that I can easily refer to it throughout the day. If yours is a hard copy book, carry it with you wherever you go. My clients carry their handbooks with them everywhere they go and they refer to it whenever they get the free time.
  3. Update it constantly. From now on, use this book to record any information that’s important to you. Whenever you come across something meaningful and noteworthy, record that into your book. Whenever you have a new goal, include it inside. Whenever you get an aha, record it so that it doesn’t get lost. Soon, you’ll find that it becomes second nature to update your book whenever you think of something.
  4. Back it up regularly. If you have a soft copy handbook, please back it up frequently (every month is a good interval).

Congratulations on creating your life handbook! From today onwards, use it to guide you to live your best life. 🙂

Article by Celes.  Create Your Life Handbook – Personal Excellence

How To Make Small Talk

 

When you spot an acquaintance in a store, do you hope they don’t see you, pretend you don’t see them, and try to covertly duck into another aisle?

Does the idea of walking into a party where you only know one person fill you with dread?

Do you keep trying to summon up the courage to talk to the cute girl who makes your lattes at the local coffee shop, but whenever you get up to the counter, all you can muster is your order?

When you’re assigned to a table filled mostly with strangers at a wedding, do you talk only with your date, or sit hunched over your phone all night?

Small talk is the portal through which every person you will ever meet will enter your life. That’s huge when you ponder it. You never know who you’re going to encounter in a class, at a coffee shop, at the gym, at a wedding; they could be your future business partner or boss, your future best friend or wife. You simply never know when someone you meet will send your life in a new direction. But if you can’t initiate these relationships, your circle of contacts and intimates will never expand past the current roster of friends whose Facebook updates and tweets you can’t take your eyes off of in order to meet the gaze of those sitting right next to you.

How to Gain the Ability to Make Small Talk with Anyone, Anywhere

The first step in becoming an expert small talker is to start seeing yourself as the host, as opposed to the guest, in any situation. The host acts as a leader. He’s active, not passive, and takes the initiative in talking with people, guiding the conversation, filling in awkward pauses, introducing people, and making others feel comfortable and welcome.

How do you become the consummate host wherever you go? Your hosting duties can be broken down into two categories: Approaching Others and Being Approachable.

How to Approach Others

Initiating Conversation with Strangers

We often feel self-conscious engaging a stranger in small talk, but most people are feeling as shy and insecure as you are. It’s a great comfort and relief when someone takes the initiative to talk to them, saving them from standing alone by the punch bowl while they feel awkward and conspicuous. People love to talk (especially about themselves) and are typically flattered when someone is paying attention to them.

Look for someone who seems approachable, who’s by himself and isn’t talking to someone else or working on something. Make eye contact, smile at them, and then go up to greet them.

But what then? Anyone who’s had their small talk disintegrate after an exchange of “What do you do?” may worry that their attempt to initiate conservation will fizzle into awkwardness. But when you know what you’re doing, you can sail right over any potential slumps.

The ARE method

The ARE method of initiating small talk. Communications expert Dr. Carol Fleming offers a three-part process to kick off a conversation: Anchor, Reveal, Encourage (ARE).

Anchor

This is an observation on your “mutual shared reality” that extends the first little thread of connection between you and another person — the lightest of pleasantries about something you’re both seeing or experiencing.

  • Dr. Landis is hilarious.
  • The set list tonight has been fantastic.
  • This weather is perfect.

Don’t get caught up thinking that such comments are too superficial, and search in vain for something truly clever to say. Fleming calls such exchanges “friendly noises,” and you both know they’re not meaningful, but just a gradual and polite way to segue into a “real” conversation.

Reveal

 Next, disclose something about yourself that is related to the anchor you just threw out.

  • I’ve tried to get into Dr. Landis’ class for three semesters, and this is the first time I was able to land a spot.
  • There’s a much bigger crowd here than there was at their show last year.
  • I’ve been waiting for a break in the heat to go hike Mt. Whilston for the first time.

By opening up a little more, we extend to the other person a few more threads of connection and trust, while at the same time providing them fodder to which to respond.

Encourage

Now you hand off the ball to them by asking a question:

  • Did you have a hard time getting into the class?
  • Did you see that show?
  • Have you ever done that hike?

Keep building the conversation. By employing the effective ARE method, you’ll successfully have exchanged a few pleasantries, but these tender threads of small talk can easily disintegrate and blow away at this point…when the dreaded awkward pause shows up.

So you want to weave those light threads into an increasingly sturdy rope. You do this by offering follow-up comments and questions that continue to build the conversation. Let’s take a look at how our three example conversations might progress:

The Followup

Whether you follow-up with a comment or question, be sure to alternate between the two options. Strike a balance: too many questions fired one right after the other will make the conversation feel more like an interrogation, and too many comments won’t give the other person a chance to talk. That’s no good, as your interest in what they have to say is what endears you to them.

So, tip the scale more heavily towards questions. Once they respond to one question, you ask clarifying questions about their answer. Start with questions that can be answered with one or two words, and then build on those to expand into open-ended questions that won’t put them on the spot but will allow them to reveal more or less about themselves, depending on their comfort level. 

Use these questions

  • Tell me about…
  • What was the best part of…
  • How did you feel about…
  • What brought you to…
  • What’s surprised you most…
  • How similar/different is that to…
  • Why…

Here are some effective small talk chains, with the common, but less open-ended questions marked through, and a better alternative following it:

  • Where are you from? → Did you live there all of your life?  What was it like to grow up there? → What brought you here? → Are any of your family members close by? →  How many siblings do you have? Tell me more about your family. → Is it tough being away from them? → What do you miss most about your hometown?
  • What are you majoring in? → What made you decide to choose that major? → How do you like it? What’s been the best class you’ve taken so far? → Tell me more about it. → What was the most interesting part of the class? → Do you think you might write about that for your thesis?
  • What do you do? → Do you like your job? Describe a typical day at work. → How has the economy affected business? → Why has your company thrived while others have taken a beating? → Would you recommend a young man like myself going into the field? → Do you know anyone who might be looking for an intern?

  • Ask open-ended questions. Here’s how it usually goes: How was your weekend? How’s your day going? How have you been? Whatadya been up to? Fine. Fine. Good. Not much…cue the crickets! Questions like these are conversation killers — they only prompt a one or two word response and are basically used by most people as rote hellos in passing, not as questions where an actual answer is expected.

    So, you have to follow up again:

    • How was your weekend? Good. What did you do?
    • How’s your day going? Good. What’s been the best part so far?
    • How have you been? Good. What’s been going well for you?

      Practice!

      Technology has created an interesting phenomenon in which people increasingly crave real face-to-face connection, while at the same time becoming less equipped to facilitate it.

      The only way to get better at small talk is to practice. And you have to practice it in situations where it really doesn’t matter, so that you’re ready when it does.

      Remember way back at the beginning, I told you to,” start seeing yourself as the host, as opposed to the guest, in any situation.”  Good, you remembered!  So, if you need some more information on exactly how to become more of a host, click below.
    •  
    • 7 Ways to Start a Conversation that Leads Where You Want It to – TUTORING YOU
    •  
    •  Source:  artofmanliness.com

The Best is Yet to Come: Embrace Future Joys

Origin

There is no clear indication of when this popular idiom was used for the first time. However, it has gained traction since the song “The best is yet to come” was recorder by Tony Bennet in 1958. The word yet means up to and including now. Thus, the phrase means that the best has not come but it will.

Meaning

“The best is yet to come” is an optimistic idiom meaning that while current circumstances are good, superior experiences, achievements, or joys are still to arrive in the future. It implies that the peak of success or happiness has not yet been reached, promising better days ahead

  • whatever is happening now will be surpassed by something better in the future
  • the best things have not come, but they will

Example Sentences

  1. I am glad that you are enjoying your holiday, the best is yet to come.
  2. Leaving high school has been tough but I know that the best is yet to come.
  3. Their team has won every game this season, but the coach promises that the best is yet to come.
  4. The days are becoming warmer, but the best is yet to come.

 

Source: theidioms.com

Becoming a Champion

 

THE 10 CHARACTERISTICS OF A CHAMPION

1. VISION

All champions have a bigger picture vision for what they want to create. It might be winning an Olympic gold, claiming the world cup trophy or setting a new world record.

No matter what the vision is, all champions have something bigger that they are working towards. Because the bottom line is:

“If you don’t know where you are going, you’re never going to get there.”

Now I know some of you are freaking out about needing to have the rest of your life planned, but the vision will change over time, so don’t panic. What’s important is that you have something you are working towards.

So start asking yourself what it is that YOU want to create. And then start taking small steps to make it happen.

Then the question becomes “How?”. That leads us to number 2.

2. GOALS

Once they have a vision, champions turn that vision into achievable goals. There seems to be a common misperception about goals, whereby people think that if they miss them, they’ve failed.

But I want you to think of goals as milestones/landmarks to assess your progress towards your vision.

The other important thing about goals is that it’s not so much about the goal itself, but WHO that goal forces you to become in order to achieve it. Small but important distinction.

3. FOCUS ON THE PROCESS/PRESENCE

Once they’ve set goals, champions focus on the process. All of us have to go home tonight from wherever it is we are, but the headlights on out car don’t need to be able to shine all the way to our front door. We simply need to see far enough in front of us in order to make the next move.

So what’s the next TINY step you can take towards your goals? If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed or intimidated, your next step is too big and you need to go smaller.

Another reason focusing on the process is so important is that if you’re always just thinking about your long-term vision and goals, you’re going to miss out on the amazing opportunities you could never have imagined that already right in front of you.

This is how the vision changes; we work towards one thing, but are open to new possibilities as they emerge.

4. HABITS & RITUALS

I’m sure you’ve seen Rafael Nadal about to serve or Dan Biggar about to kick for goal. They have these somewhat comical routines before every shot.

But they’re not doing these things to make people laugh. In fact, they wouldn’t even be able to hear people laughing at all. This is because champions adopt habits and rituals to get themselves in flow/the zone.

Because when we create habits, the most important actions for achieving our goals become automatic.

Rituals

The two most important rituals for anyone to adopt are a morning ritual and an evening ritual.

During the day, things are going to get chaotic, people are going to demand our attention, and things won’t go as planned. Try to bookend your days with the first and last two hours of the day.  Use that time with things that set you up for success, you’ll be far ahead of everyone else. (P.S. checking email and social media don’t count).

5. HEALTH

Learn how to take care of your health.

The three most important areas are eating, moving and sleeping.

Eating: stick to things that came out the ground or had an animal, not things that came out a box or bag.

Moving: shift from thinking about exercise as 1 or 2 hours in the gym per day followed by sitting, to thinking of exercise as continual movement throughout the day (and no, you don’t need to workout every day of the week).

Sleeping: sleep is the most underestimated, neglected and important area of health. Sleep is a crucial time where your body heals itself and makes new connections in your brain.

6. PASSION/PURPOSE

All these things are great, but if you can connect your vision to a bigger purpose, you will go further.

The most common question I get nowadays is “How do I find my passion?”

But as Tom Asacker shared in our interview together, you don’t find your passion. Because your passion isn’t out there, it’s in here (pointing to my heart/chest).

What he means is that you can sit and try “figure out” your passion all you want, but you only discover it by DOING things; by experimenting with things you’re interested in.

And when you can find the intersection of what you’re interested in, what you’re good at and what others need, THAT’S when you’ve found your sweet spot.

So, my advice is to get really good at something and then use that skill to create the lifestyle you desire (and it doesn’t take as long as you think).

Speaking of getting good at something…

7. FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS

All champions focus on their strengths. Usain Bolt (one of my favorite athletes) isn’t trying to be the best at every sport. He identified (probably at a young age) that he was really good at sprinting and then went all in on that one thing.

It reminds me of the Pareto Principle, or the 80/20 principle, which says that 20% of your efforts produce 80% of the results.

So, what’s your 20%? What 20% of the things you do make everything else easier or unnecessary? Find those things, and then go all in.

8. TAKE RISKS

When I quit my job back in 2014, I had no plan B. And I’d love to be able to say it was all smooth sailing, but the truth is there were a lot of challenges.

There were weeks I didn’t know how I would buy groceries and months I couldn’t pay rent. But it reminds me of one my favorite sayings: “ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for”

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for”

All champions take risks and face setbacks, but what matters most is how long you can you stick with it. How far are you willing to go to make your goals and dreams a reality?

9. SUPPORT TEAM

Champions all have a strong team around them. This doesn’t mean they play a team sport, but they surround themselves with people who are going to move them forward.

There are three parts to this.

Find a mentor or coach

The first is a mentor or coach. This doesn’t need to be someone who’s done what you want to do, but simply someone who is able to guide you and bring out your greatness.

Because the thing is, no great champion ever got there on his own. Asking for help doesn’t mean you are weak or not good enough as you are. In fact, it’s much the opposite. It shows that you are serious about achieving your goals.

The next component of a team is your peers or environment. Jim Rohn said

“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

If you spend your time with people who just want to smoke, drink, party and go out every weekend, you’re going to be dragged down into that. But if you want to really achieve success, you need to spend time with people who inspire you to be better. Never be the smartest person in the room.

The final component of a winning team is also the 10th characteristic of a champion.

10. YOURSELF (BELIEF)

The final component of a team is a characteristic of its own, and that is YOU.

If you want to be a champion, need to have a deep inner KNOWING that it’s all going to work out. This won’t always be how we might have imagined, but you need to trust that there’s something even better waiting for you.

If you do all these things, together with a strong BELIEF, will become unstoppable. I truly believe that.

BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER

But here’s the thing. These characteristics aren’t reserved for the likes of Usain Bolt, Lewis Hamilton or Roger Federer.

The truth is, you are all champions in your own right. We can all be champions of our own lives. You just need to decide if you are going to settle for good or if you’ll choose to be great; if you’re you happy being a competitor, or if will you rise and become a champion.

Source:  ©bryanteare.com

Related:  Life Starts Now: Embrace Your Inner Happiness – TUTORING YOU

Positive Coping Skills For Anxiety And Stress

Tackle the blahs with these positive coping skills.

Using positive coping skills to manage stress.

Short- term and long-term coping skills

Key Takeaways

  • Coping skills are strategies that can help you manage stress and improve your mood.
  • Problem-focused coping involves changing the situation to reduce stress, whereas emotion-focused coping involves managing feelings when situations can’t be changed.
  • If you are struggling to practice healthy coping skills or find yourself relying on unhealthy ones instead, speak to a mental health professional who can help.

Healthy coping skills are the tactics that people use to deal with stressful situations. Managing your stress well can help you feel better physically and psychologically and impact your ability to perform your best.

But not all coping skills are created equal. Sometimes, it’s tempting to engage in strategies that will give quick relief.  However, these same tactics might create bigger problems for you down the road. It’s important to establish long-term healthy coping skills. Unquestionably helping you reduce your emotional distress or rid yourself of the stressful situations you face.

Examples of healthy coping skills include:

  • Establishing and maintaining boundaries
  • Practicing relaxation strategies such as deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness
  • Getting regular physical activity
  • Making to-do lists and setting goals

 

Short-term coping skills for anxiety and stress

Life can get overwhelming.  It’s difficult to take large chunks of time to alleviate anxiety symptoms. Luckily, there are some things you can do during those moments, short-term, to help cope.

1. Take a break

We’re not meant to be constantly stimulated or working without some sort of break. It serves to recharge and reset our brains so we can take a breather and get back to what we’re focusing on.

 

2. Cut out caffeine

Caffeine has been proven to induce anxiety in specific dosages. So if you find yourself with the jitters, shaky, anxious, or more stressed out than usual, try cutting out coffee to see if it helps.

 

3. Take deep breaths

One of the main physical reactions to anxiety is short, shallow breaths that lead to hyperventilating. Try taking 10 deep breaths and holding them, releasing slowly, to trick your central nervous system into calming down.

 

4. Get some sleep

When we’re stressed, our body uses extra energy, quickly leading to fatigue. Take time to get proper rest or even take a quick nap to rejuvenate yourself.

 

5. Distract yourself

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that it’s hard to focus on anything but the stress and anxiety. Instead, try distracting yourself by listening to music or watching TV.

 

6. Get active

Studies have shown that sedentary lifestyles lead to increased anxiety and stress. Try getting outside and going on a quick walk, jog, run. Hit the gym or do some yoga!

 

7. Eat a healthy meal

Proper nutrition gives fuel to our body that helps it operate smoothly. Excess sugar can cause increased anxiety. Try eating a healthy meal and changing your diet if necessary. Improper nutrition can create hormone imbalances, making your mood shift.

 

8. Spend less time on your phone

Research shows a connection between increased screen time and stress. Blue light puts a strain on our eyes, and the constant stimuli of notifications, texts, emails, and social media can create anxiety. Try putting your phone down for a few hours each day.

 

9. Try aromatherapy & essential oils

Research has shown a connection between using essential oils and decreased stress.

 

10. Call a friend or family member

Sometimes just talking to someone we trust makes us feel safe can improve our mood and decrease stress levels.

 

11. Spend time with your pet

Spending quality time with our pets has been shown to reduce cortisol levels (stress hormone) in humans. So next time you feel stressed, try hanging out with your dog, cat, or other pets. You’ll not only bond better with them but also recharge a part of your social battery and boost your mood.

 

12. Say “No”

If the source of your anxiety and stress is taking on too much, it’s important to set proper boundaries.  Besides with yourself, this includes others by learning to say ‘no’ every once in a while.

 

13. Cuddle

Studies show that cuddling with a significant other cause your body to release oxytocin, a calming hormone that helps combat stress. It can also lower your blood pressure, reducing the amount of cortisol in your body, the stress hormone.

 

How to stop a panic attack

The symptoms of a panic attack are scary.  A rapid heart rate, short breathing/hyperventilation, muscle tension, sweating or chills, dizziness, chest pain, or nausea. Over 13% of people are estimated to have at least one panic attack in their lifetime. It can be brought on by increased stress, anxiety, and triggers.

Try some of these methods if you believe you may be having a panic attack:

 

14. Find a safe space

If you feel overwhelmed, try finding a spot you can go to with fewer stimuli or away from where you were when symptoms started. This could be a different room, stepping outside, sitting down, or leaning up against a wall.

 

15. Try diaphragmic breathing techniques

Research shows that diaphragmic breathing can reduce heart rate, blood pressure, slow anxiety, and lower cortisol in the body (stress hormone).

 

16. Relax your muscles

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is commonly used for those who experience anxiety and works to relax each muscle in your body mindfully. Muscle tension, a common symptom of stress, can be exhausting but still prevent you from relaxing or falling asleep.

PMR works by forcibly tensing different muscles in your body and releasing the tension. Becoming aware of your muscles can help you better relax them in great times of anxiety and stress.

 

17. Tell someone about it

If you’re in a place where you know someone, share with them that you are having a panic attack.  Sharing can help stop that feeling of being closed in your surroundings. The person may also help walk you through your thoughts and calm you down.

 

18. Get some fresh air

After removing yourself from the situation, step outside.  This actually helps expose your lungs to some fresh air, which has been shown to ease anxiety.

 

19. Repeat a mantra

Find a phrase or word you can repeat to yourself when you have a panic attack to help focus and ease any dissociative thoughts. This could be something like “I am okay” or “This too will pass.”

 

20. 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method

Think of 5 things you can see
Think of 4 things you can touch
Think of 3 things you can hear
Think of 2 things you can smell
Think of 1 thing you can taste

 

Long-term coping skills for anxiety and stress

Dealing with anxiety and stress as it comes and goes is essential for short-term relief. But, now let’s talk more long-term solutions by managing the sometimes inconvenient, scary symptoms. Luckily, there are some steps you can take to slow down the frequency and intensity of your anxiety.

21. Seek counseling

One of the best and most effective ways to calm anxiety is to seek therapy. Therapists can use an array of different treatment options for anxiety and panic disorders. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most common. It works to help you identify negative patterns, distortions, self-image, and triggers.  Also, a treatment plan that aids in rewiring how you perceive stressful situations can be created.

22. Change your diet

Proper nutrition directly affects the hormone levels in our body that deal with stress. If you find yourself consuming a diet high in sugar, caffeine, or alcohol, change what you eat to help you feel better.

23. Learn your triggers

By understanding what triggers your anxiety, you can become better equipped to deal with it when you know you’ll be in a high-stress situation. These triggers look different for everybody and can involve lifestyle, trauma, and previous stressful situations.

Try writing down the apparent cause of your stress. Is it work? A situation at work, school, or home? Get to know yourself so you can work through expected reactions.  Remember to have compassion for yourself when working through this process.

24. Improve communication skills

Speaking with others about your anxiety and stress can provide a support system to help you feel calm. Think about what you’re feeling and why that is. Try writing it down and practice talking about it with someone you trust, whether a therapist, support person, friend, or family member.

 

25. Make lifestyle changes

Are you stuck in a cycle of poor sleep, poor diet, little to no exercise, and little time for self-care?  Then it may be time to evaluate your day-to-day schedule and begin making necessary lifestyle changes. This process takes time, so remember to go easy on yourself. Try making these changes gradually to avoid any further stress.

Conclusion

Taking steps to cope with stressful triggers and anxiety is a process that takes time. There are some short-term as well as longer-term options to help relieving symptoms of anxiety, stress, and panic attacks,

In many cases, working through these feelings and emotions with a therapist can help you learn healthy coping skills and life management. Remember that everyone is different and has different needs, so what works for one may not work for another. Try out different coping strategies to figure out what helps you.

 

Source:  drjohngkuna.com©

 

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