When Hanks got his first taste of success and offers became streaming in, that the actor says he learned an important lesson- one that can benefit entrepreneurs, freelancers, and other small business owners, as their work and reputations start to grow. He was speaking about how he got to a place where he could make the movies he really wanted to make. To do that, says Hanks, he needed to learn to say a very difficult word to people.
“The odd lesson for that is I figured out that’s how you end up making the favorable work you do,” said Hanks in an interview. “Saying yes, then you just work. But saying no means you made the choice of the type of story you wanted to tell and the type of character you want to play.”
There’s a lot of wisdom in these words. When it comes to my own work, they’ve helped teach me to set my own priorities and create a business that helps me to achieve my own personal goals.
I like to call this lesson, the “Tom Hanks Rule.”
Getting more out of work and life means learning to say no
The Tom Hanks rule helps you to develop self-management, a key facet of emotional intelligence. It states simply:
Every time you say yes to something you don’t really want, you’re actually saying no to the things you do.
It’s important to remember this, because it’s easy to get caught up in the moment. You might get in the habit of saying yes to everyone’s request for a favor, just because you want to be helpful. Or, you might accept whatever work comes your way-even if it prevents you from reaching your goals.
When you remember the Tom Hanks rule, you remind yourself that every decision has consequences, and that there is only a certain amount of hours in the day, days in the week, and weeks in the year.
This is especially important to remember as your business becomes more successful. As an owner, you might chafe at the idea of turning down sure work. But part of the beauty of running a successful business is that you can get more picky with how you choose to spend your time.
You don’t have to work with every client; you can focus on the clients you enjoy working with.
You don’t have to spend time on tasks you hate; you can hire others to care for these, and focus on aspects of the business that leverage your strengths.
You don’t have to work sixty or seventy hour weeks if you don’t want to; you can build your work schedule around other things that are just as important to you, if not more so.
Of course, you shouldn’t say no to everything. Part of relationship-building, and likely what helped you build a successful business in the first place, was helping when you can.
But every day, you will be faced with tough choices, about how you’re going to spend your time and energy. When you do, remember the Tom Hanks rule: Keep your emotions in check, and just say “no” to the things that aren’t important to you…so you have more time for the things that are.
Job hunting and interviewing, dating, or just meeting people can leave a wrong impression by doing one thing that implies mistrust or insecurity.
Doing This with Your Hands Makes People Not Trust You, Experts Say
Especially with face masks covering our mouths these days, body language is a huge factor in how we come across. Whether you’re sitting straight up, slouched over, or fidgeting with your pen, people are quick to make judgements based on the little things you do. In fact, experts say that making one common gesture with your hands makes people less likely to trust you. Read on to find out what it is, and for more on why people may be doubting you.
Putting your hands in your pockets makes people not trust you.
If you want to come off as inviting and trustworthy, keep your hands where people can see them, says Susan Trombetti, a relationship expert and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. “When people keep their hands in their pockets, it appears they are hiding something. And someone is more likely to be lying because they are hiding their hands,” she explains. Concealing your hands comes across as more controlled, which can be interpreted as “deceitful and untrustworthy,” she notes. “People generally consider individuals with their hands in their pockets to be insecure,” explains Girish Shukla, a mental health and psychology expert.
Keeping open body language makes you seem more trustworthy.
According to Trombetti, someone who is telling the truth—or at least, seems to be—is more likely to keep their hands open and palms up. When your hands are visible, “the physical openness of your body language invites trust,” says Lauren Levy, a sales expert who teaches people in the industry how to appear trustworthy.
“Keeping open hands while talking can give others the idea that you can be trusted and that you know what you are talking about,” Shukla says. “Whenever you expose your palms it means that you are not hiding anything.”
Article and photos provided by Best Life.
Source: Doing This With Your Hands Makes People Not Trust You, Experts Say (msn.com)
If you have anxiety, it can be difficult to keep your mind at ease daily. Add a global pandemic, like Covid-19, and you may feel even more helpless or on edge. Whether you have been diagnosed with anxiety or if you’re deeply worried about a particular situation, it can be challenging to find ways to calm anxiety. However, when your mind is racing with your stressors and fears, it helps to take a deep breath and repeat a mantra, according to mental health experts.
How to calm anxiety
To stop anxious thoughts and feel more in control, check out these phrases you can say to yourself to calm your anxiety.
Take a cue from Nike
Get past your current state and start calming anxiety by being proactive. Even if it doesn’t have the perfect outcome, at least you’re moving away from the anxiety of trying to figure out your next step. “There’s no wrong decision, as long as you do something to move out of deliberation mode,” says Debra Kissen, clinical director of Light on Anxiety Treatment Center in Chicago. “Stop trying to find the perfect solution and just take some movement forward, even if it’s an imperfect step forward.”
Give yourself a reality check
Remind yourself that although anxiety is unpleasant, you’re in no physical danger when your emotions are taking over. “In a moment of anxiety, especially with panic disorder, people feel like ‘I’m not going to survive this. This is not OK to feel this way,’” Kissen says. “It’s not fun, but it’s not dangerous.”
Go for gratitude
Take a moment to appreciate your good health, loving family, or stable job. Your brain can’t experience stress and gratitude at the same time, so it’s an effective way to change your mindset, says Heidi Hanna, PhD, author of Stressaholic: 5 Steps to Transform Your Relationship with Stress. “When you feel stressed or brain fog, if you can shift to a place of expressing gratitude for something in life, that immediately starts to shift into a more restorative state,” she says. “If your mind wanders, go back to feeling grateful.”
Practice mindfulness
A helpful tip for how to calm anxiety: be in the present and be in the now. Calming anxiety in this way can help you stay in the moment, rather than stressing out about all your worries and regrets. Notice your thoughts and sensations as they come, and shift them back to what’s happening in the present moment. Focusing on watching your kids or washing the dishes will keep your thoughts in a more bearable state. “It’s having the ability to redirect them—rather than getting totally caught up in rumination—and putting your attention to whatever the current moment has,” says Kissen.
People will use “rooting” techniques to help them feel more rooted in their physical existence in the current moment. These include doing things like identifying things that you are seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, etc at that point in time.
Give in
When you feel overwhelmed by things you can’t control in the moment—like politics or global warming—calming anxiety isn’t always easy. Accept that bad things happen and give yourself up to the course of the day. “It’s the nicest thing because you’re not trying to manage anything anymore,” says Kathleen Hall, founder and CEO of Mindful Living Network and The Stress Institute. “It’s like hitting the delete button.”
It will go away
When you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, reminding yourself that anxiety is fleeting is actually an effective method for how to calm your anxiety. “When you are chronically stressed, it can feel like you are drowning in problems and are barely staying afloat,” says Aarti Gupta, PsyD, clinical director of anxiety and family therapy center TherapyNest in Palo Alto, California. “Reminding yourself that the stressor is not permanent can provide peace of mind and grant the energy required to tackle the problem and explore viable solutions.”
Give yourself a pep talk
By referring to yourself in the second person, it’s like you’re calling in a team of family members, mentors, and other loved ones to remind you that you’re not alone and that calming anxiety is possible. “When you say ‘I can do it,’ it stresses you out a little bit because you’re alone,” Hall says. “Second-person works because you’re calling yourself to action.”
Focus on “enough”
Say the first part while taking in a big gulp of air, and follow with the second one as you exhale. The stress response often starts when people feel like they don’t have the resources to deal with the demands being put on them, says Hanna. “People are constantly told they’re not enough. We need to buy more or do more to be enough, to have enough,” she says. “It’s letting go and relaxing in the moment, saying ‘I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in this moment.’”
Recognize your panic
By definition, anxiety means you’re feeling overwhelmed by a stressor, even when you’re in no immediate danger. “It’s like being in a building with a fire alarm going off, but there’s no fire,” says Kissen. Calm yourself down by recognizing that there’s no need to panic.
Fact-check yourself
Say you’re walking up to a party and don’t think you can handle a crowd, or are about to make a speech when you’re prone to stage fright. Empower yourself with a reminder that your fears don’t define you. “If you explore your history, chances are you had that feeling a million times, and that situation ended up being OK,” says Dr. Kissen.
Go for positivity
Sub out “loving” for any word that you feel describes you when you’re being your best self. Now close your eyes and think about how it feels when you’re embodying that trait, says Hanna. Use those values and feelings to guide you before you start your day so that you can react in a way you’re proud of. “We get so focused on needing to do stuff all the time that we forget how we want to be,” says Hanna. If you’re having trouble thinking of a word, consider the compliments you’d like to hear from others. That mindset will help you figure out what matters most to you, she says.
Think about the upside
Think of “every obstacle is an opportunity,” says Hall, about how to calm anxiety during tough times. Try to see your problems as a chance for you to learn and grow, rather than focusing on the potential negative outcomes. (Here are six steps to adopt a positive attitude.)
Embrace your emotions
Don’t let anxiety debilitate you. Attend a football game or go on a date, even if you have to take a bit of anxiety along with the ride. “As I’m waiting to not feel uncomfortable or out of danger, I’m not living life to its fullest,” says Kissen. “You don’t need to be anxiety-free to live.”
When anxiety is keeping you away from a social activity or important presentation, put yourself back in control by doing the opposite of what your mind is trying to convince you. “You’ll win, and anxiety will lose,” says Kissen.
Over the past few years, you’ve likely seen at least one article claiming that humans’ attention spans are shrinking, to the point where even goldfish are more focused than we are.
And though a 2017 BBC article took the time to comb through the statistics and their sources that produced this figure, calling into question its validity, many people openly describe themselves as having a short attention span. Some even refer to having or “being” ADHD (referring to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), as though it was an annoying habit, instead of a serious clinical diagnosis.
So how do you know if you really do have an unusually short attention span? And what can you do to improve yours? Here’s what to know.
How to increase your attention span
There’s no quick-fix for improving your attention span, but here are a few strategies that may help:
Mindfulness exercises
If you’re new to mindfulness, there’s no need to jump right in and attempt to do it as a regular practice—start with some basic exercises, like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. The point of this, and other grounding exercises, is to pay attention to your surroundings, taking the time to notice what’s around you. Not only could this help with anxiety, but it may also train your brain to be more attentive.
Engage in active listening
In case you’re not familiar with the term, “active listening” is making a conscious effort not only to hear what another person is saying, but to take the time and mental energy to listen to and process it as well. Similar to mindfulness, the point of active listening is to become more attentive.
Take breaks
This may sound counterintuitive—especially if it feels like you’re already taking a lot of mental breaks when you’re unable to focus on something—but giving yourself an actual, intentional break can make a huge difference. And when we say “break,” we mean standing up and relocating for five to 10 minutes.
You can use this time to go to the restroom, get more water or a snack, stretch, pop outside for a few minutes—whatever feels best to you. Because you’ve mentally approved this break, you can enjoy all the attention-boosting benefits without the guilt you may feel when you “accidentally” start scrolling through Instagram or online shopping when you’re supposed to be working.
Consider incorporating Meditation into your daily routine – Meditation has the power to help you focus, improve your concentration, and even be used as a tool to overcome procrastination.
Prioritise Tasks – Write everything you need to do down in a list. Get it all out of your mind. What needs to be done immediately? Today? Tomorrow? Next week? Within the month? Not urgent? Break big tasks down into smaller, more manageable bite-sized tasks.
Do the creative stuff first – Mental focus is stronger in the mornings, so it’s generally best to do the creative tasks and those that might need sharper mental focus first up. Move on to the easier tasks later in the day.
Eliminate Distractions – Switch off devices, close down the tabs in your browser, log out of Facebook etc.
Train your mind – Focus takes training – especially if you’re a reforming multi-tasker. Set reasonable time-frames for yourself, then take a short break (e.g. 50 mins focus, 10 mins break). Don’t put pressure on yourself to sit in focus for hours and hours as it won’t work.
Have regular breaks – regular breaks are essential to maintain focus and productivity. Get up, walk around, get outdoors, stretch your body, etc.
Practice Mindfulness – Mindfulness is achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. So as you can see, Mindfulness can help with focus and concentration. It also helps to reduce stress and creates new neuronal pathways in the brain.
BENEFITS OF FOCUSSING ON ONE THING AT A TIME
More success with less stress
Improved productivity and quality of work
Tasks get completed much more quickly
Less Stress + Improved Productivity & Quality of Work + Quickly Completed Tasks + More Success = Happier You = A more ZEN you!
Doing just one thing at a time helps you remember more, get more done in less time, de-stress, bring more attention to your work, and work smarter, instead of just harder. Note too that by ‘work’ I’m not just talking about paid jobs (workforce). I’m also talking about all the jobs/tasks/chores that are in our day to day lives.
Finally, I wanted to share this list of Zen Things that centre around doing one thing at a time:
You’re not the only one who finds baking so soothing. Turns out, it has a lot to do with the neuroscience of mindful meditation.
Baking and cleaning
Did you know that home keeping and self-care activities can help reduce your anxiety? Meditating, cooking, cleaning, and even just stocking the pantry can help stop cycles of anxiety and depression. Basically, they change how the human brain self-regulates. Here’s why stress-baking or cleaning feels so good, neurologically speaking.
The stressors
When humans perceive a threat or stressor, our amygdala—a small region of the brain associated with facilitating fear, anxiety, and emotion—jumps into gear and becomes more active. This activation can have physical consequences, too. Sometimes people who are anxious report feeling short of breath or have an increased heart rate. That’s because the amygdala is also involved in regulating our blood pressure, breathing, and heart. So, when the amygdala gets going, those systems do too.
The de-stressors
Activities like taking a bike ride or stress-baking a pan of cookies give people a sense of accomplishment and control. While they’re exercising or cooking, they can focus on the smaller tasks at hand and take a break from stressors like social media or the news. Gollan says these activities don’t have to be big projects. Just opening the window and enjoying the breeze or taking a break with a good cup of coffee, count too.
Studies suggest that behavioral activation can help reregulate brain activity much the way mindful meditation does, by engaging the prefrontal cortex.
Many people already find repetitive chores like washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, or chopping vegetables to be a kind of meditative practice, their own way of quieting the mind. Culinary therapies for grief and anxiety have started appearing across the country, and some evidence is emerging that it does work, though the neuroscience is still not well examined. Julie Ohana runs a practice called Culinary Art Therapy, where she uses cooking to help clients improve communication, manage stress, and improve self-esteem. She wasn’t at all surprised to recently find that her local grocery store in Michigan was completely out of flour and yeast. “The idea of cooking, and baking in particular, really requires a certain level of mindfulness, of putting aside everything else that’s going on around you and being present in the moment,” Ohana says.
Right now, being forced to focus on kneading, mixing, and measuring is particularly important. And there’s a certain practicality to this kind of mindful task. “We all need to eat,” Ohana says. “Why not really put your all into that dish you’re cooking and really get everything out of it that you can?”
Source: A Wired.com article written by Sara Harrison
If you’re brand new to mindfulness, the idea of focusing your attention solely on yourself or successfully embracing the pillars noted by Kabat-Zinn, can seem somewhat intimidating.
Some approaches can help make mindfulness a little easier for beginners.
Mindfulness techniques for beginners
If you’re brand new to mindfulness, the idea of focusing your attention solely on yourself or successfully embracing the pillars noted by Kabat-Zinn, can seem somewhat intimidating.
Some approaches can help make mindfulness a little easier for beginners.
Practice
Practice, practice, practice. Just as you’d take time to learn an instrument or language, mastering mindfulness is no different, explains Halliwell.
“We can learn the art of living well by practicing over and over, with an attitude of gentleness,” he notes.
Make time
Setting aside some time each day will help you make mindfulness a habit. You might dedicate the first 30 minutes of your morning or 10 minutes before bed.
Sometimes, when things are hectic, you might only be able to commit to a few minutes of mindfulness. And that’s OK.
Avoid pressuring yourself
Don’t set expectations or a timeline in which to see results. Everyone’s mindfulness journey is different, and putting pressure on yourself could affect your progress.
Find a mentor
Consider working with a teacher to learn the basics and stay accountable.
“Taking lessons … is usually more effective in the long-term than teaching yourself,” Halliwell says. Feeling a bit self-conscious about one-to-one sessions? You could look for groups to join instead or consider checking out meditation apps.
Find your style
Finally, you can take the time to find the best fit for you. What works for some may not be as effective for others. You shouldn’t force yourself to eat foods you don’t like, so don’t feel you have to stick with a particular approach if you’re not a fan.
Mindfulness exercises to try
Ready to get started? Here are a few simple approaches you can try to set those mindful wheels in motion.
Breathing exercises
We use our breath every few seconds yet often don’t give it a second thought. So why not bring it to the forefront now?
The 4-7-8 approach is designed to rein in your focus and bring you to a place of relaxation. Here are some steps to follow:
Find a quiet spot, get comfortable, and exhale out of your mouth.
Breathe in deeply through your nose for 4 seconds.
Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
Exhale loudly out of your mouth for 8 seconds. It’s fine to work up to this number if you find a long exhalation difficult at first.
Scan for sensations
Using body scanning is a good way to quiet noise from the outside world and recognize how you’re feeling.
Lie down in a comfy, quiet space. Close your eyes and let your muscles relax.
Then, starting from the top of your head, slowly move down your body, paying attention to any sensations. Focus on these for up to a minute, then let your thoughts drift away as you move to the next area of your body until you reach the tips of your toes.
Mindfully move
Heading outside? Make your walk mindful by really paying attention to your surroundings. What sounds do you hear? What scents can you smell? How does moving make you feel?
Increasing your awareness of elements such as these can help slow things down and instill a sense of calm.
Let’s recap
You can engage in mindfulness in various ways, from meditation and breathing to journaling and yoga. You might find some approaches easier or more enjoyable than others, so try to be patient when attempting to create an enjoyable mindfulness practice.
Learning to practice mindfulness is like learning a new skill: The more you do it, the easier it will become. And then? The more benefits you’ll reap.
Source: Psych Central; mollyhostudio.com
Related: Mindfulness found as effective as leading antidepressant in treating anxiety disorders – TUTORING YOU
