Tag: Motivation

Are you more of a courageous person or someone who is often filled with fear? Do you get intimidated easily? Do you make decisions based in fear? Do you look toward your future in fear of what will ensue?

What is Fear?

Fear is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined“. In other words, fear is state whereby you feel frightened or afraid, regardless of whether you should be afraid or not. Note the key word here is regardless. Which means even it’s possible to feel fear even when you rightfully shouldn’t be scared.

Let us first talk about how fear came about. Fear is actually a tool to help us escape danger. It is part of an evolutionary, survival mechanism. When we experience fear, our adrenal glands (located directly above our kidneys) release adrenaline into the blood stream which causes a series of biological reactions in our body.

• It increases blood and oxygen flow to our muscles so we can run faster.
• It restricts blood flow to other areas such as our stomach.
• It dilates our pupils so we can better see things around us.

This is also known as the ‘fight or flight’ mode. In this state, our senses and reflexes become heightened and it’s easy for us to escape real and physical danger.

The problem is, about 99% of the fear people experience today are non-physical fear – fear that only exists in our head. We think we’re in danger but we really aren’t. Such fears include:

• Fear of public speaking
• Fear of people
• Fear of strangers (e.g. introverts who find it hard to make new friends)
• Fear of authority
• Fear of losing out

Does any of the fears above apply to you? Chances are, you’ll be able to relate to at least one at some point in time. I know I definitely do – all of the above applied to me before, even if for just a short period of time or on a small, subconscious level.

Why Overcome Fear?

Maybe you might be wondering – “Why overcome fear? I’m doing fine living the way I am right now. Fear drives me to make decisions sometimes. Fear has kept me safe from danger.”

There are a whole host of reasons why you should overcome fear. I’ve condensed them into 4 key ones:

1. Fear Limits Your Full Potential

As someone reading a site called Personal Excellence, I trust that you believe in personal growth, becoming a becoming a better person and living your best life. Unfortunately, being driven by fear blocks all of that. It prevents you from growing and progressing in life.

The problem is majority of our society today vibrate at the level of fear. To be mired in fear means you are being held back from rising to the higher levels of Courage, Acceptance, Love, Joy, Peace, and Enlightenment. As long as you entrench yourself off in the land of fear, you can’t reach the higher levels of consciousness.

When you let your thoughts, feelings and decisions be driven by fear, you are reduced to a slave of fear. I have come across people whose lives are very centered on the theme of fear and it is a very disempowering state to be in. Their fear drives their thoughts, feelings, decisions and behaviors so much that their life has become a byproduct of fear, rather than their own desires. For example, someone who is scared of changes will become scared whenever there are changes in his/her life. He/she will scramble to maintain the status quo and protect the illusion of safety. He/she lives in reaction to fear, rather than proactively lead his/her life. As long as we’re just reacting to fear, we can’t be reaching our fullest potential.

2. You Can Never Fully Run Away From Fear

It might not be obvious but realize that you can never fully run away from fear. Mental fear is pervasive. As long as you let it permeate, as long as you run away instead of dealing with it, it will always be there, haunting you in everything you do. Running away only gives you an illusion of security – you may feel safe for a short moment, but only for that short moment.

For example, if you see fear in point A, you can run to point B – but the fear will catch up to you at point B in the form of other things. You can keep running and running, but eventually you are going to find yourself backed into a corner, with nowhere to escape. No matter how you run, you are just living in captivity of fear. In fact, the more you run, the more fear tries to catch up with you. When that happens, you either have to learn to deal with it, or cower in its presence eternally and become a fraction of the person you can be.

Since you have to deal with fear at some point, you might as well learn to overcome fear now, rather than avoid it again and again only to deal with it eventually. It doesn’t make sense otherwise – not only are you draining yourself emotionally, you waste time and energy avoiding the fear. Time is precious – you can never get back lost time. Between the 2 options: Option A, where you run initially but need to deal with fear ultimately when you have nowhere to run, and Option B, where you deal with fear immediately at the onstart, Option B clearly comes across as a more effective approach.

3. Fear Is A Waste of Your Energy

As I mentioned in Reason #2, fear is illogical and a waste of emotional and mental energy.

Every moment you spend swirling around in fear, you are cultivating a seed that gives rise to subsequent similar thoughts. The more you do it, the more you are set back by it. Instead of calmly processing the situation and rationally identifying solutions and ways forward, you are feeding energy into something non-constructive.

Some may say this fear is what triggers them to move the situation forward. While there have been cases where fear seems to push people forward, a more accurate summation is that these people move forward in spite of the fear that is present. As mentioned in the beginning of the article, fear leads to a rush of adrenaline that gives you increased physical performance, not increased mental performance. You can perform just as well, if not better, without all the adrenaline that’s pumping through your body. Having more adrenaline in your body for prolonged periods of time strains your body and gives you jittery nerves instead. Think about how much more you can do if you’re not spending your energy counteracting that fear and its aftereffects.

Also remember that for every moment you spend being fearful, you have one less moment for positive thoughts and feelings, which can blossom into a whole other spring of positive aftereffects. How would you rather spend your time – being happy and positive, or being negative and scared? I pick the former any day.

4. Fear Is All In Your Mind

Having mental fear is like letting yourself be scared by a scarecrow – it looks scary and seems scary, but it’s actually harmless.

As I’ve mentioned at the onset of the article, mental fear is based on danger made up in your mind. This fear arises because your brain somehow formulated a perception these non-physical dangers are real dangers – when they are not. Let’s take public speaking as an example. Public speaking is a top ranked fear among majority of people – even more so than death or disease. Why are people afraid of public speaking? Realistically, speaking publicly does not result in physical bodily harm of any sort.

Some people will point out that it’s not from the physical harm that people draw fear from – but from the thought of slipping up, people judging you, embarrassment that will occur, and so on. These fears are all in your mind. Thoughts of you forgetting the speech, the presentation going wrong, audience feeling bored, etc. are all made up. None of that has happened yet. Even if it has happened in the past, it does not mean that this is going to happen in the future. You are in the present and the future has not occurred yet. You are still in the position to shape the future into whatever outcome you desire.

by Celes 

Source: Personal Excellence

What’s a Bucket List?

If you have never heard of the term “bucket list”, it is a list of all the goals you want to achieve, dreams you want to fulfill, and life experiences you wish to experience before you die.

Why Create a Bucket List?

If you don’t live your days by goals and plans, chances are that you spend most of your time caught in a flurry of day-to-day activities. Ever felt that your days are passing you by without any tangible output? What did you accomplish in the past month? What are your goals for the next three months? Look at the things that you have been doing and the things that you’re planning to do next — do they mean anything to you if you are to die today? Having a bucket list reminds you of what’s really important to you so that you can act on them.

Even if you live by goals or to-do lists, they are probably framed within a social context, e.g. performance, career, health. A bucket list opens up the context for your life. It’s a list to identify everything you’ve ever wanted to do, whether it’s big or small, purposeful or random.

It’s just like planning all the highlights for YOUR life. 😀 Even though I already set goals by default, I still found many new things to do while writing on my own list. It was an incredibly insightful exercise. What’s more, coming up with my list gave me new-found enthusiasm knowing what I have planned ahead for my life!

The objective of creating this list isn’t to create some fear-based mentality toward death. I don’t see our existence to be limited to our physical years on Earth — our physical lifespan is but a short speck of our existence in the universe. The whole point of creating a bucket list is to maximize every moment of our existence and live our life to the fullest. It’s a reminder of all the things we want to achieve in our time on Earth so that instead of spending our time on pointless things, we direct it toward things that matter to us.

Create Your Bucket List

If you don’t have a bucket list, I highly recommend you to create one. How much will it cost? Zero. How long will it take? Probably 30 minutes to an hour; more if you get really caught up in writing it. 🙂 What do you stand to gain? Significant clarity in what you want from life. It’s an invaluable exchange. 🙂

If you already have a bucket list, take this opportunity to review it. See if there are new items you want to add on. If so, add them in. Check if all the items listed are still relevant. If not, remove them.

Now, take out your pen and paper or open up a text document. Start writing down what comes to mind as you read these questions:

• What if you were to die tomorrow? What would you wish you could do before you die?
• What would you do if you had unlimited time, money and resources?
• What have you always wanted to do but have not done yet?
• Any countries, places or locations you want to visit?
• What are your biggest goals and dreams?
• What do you want to see in person?
• What achievements do you want to have?
• What experiences do you want to have/feel?
• Any special moments you want to witness?
• What activities or skills do you want to learn or try out?
• What are the most important things you can ever do?
• What would you like to say/do together with other people? People you love? Family? Friends?
• Any specific individuals (celebrities, famous people, world leaders) you want to meet in person?
• What do you want to achieve in the different areas of your life: Social, Love, Family, Career, Finance, Health (your weight, fitness level), Spiritual?
• What do you need to do to live a life of greatest meaning as defined by you?

Come up with as many items as you can. The items should be things you have not done yet. Don’t stop until you have at least 101 things! If you find yourself stuck, chances are you are mentally limiting yourself. Release those shackles — your bucket list is meant to be a list of everything you want to achieve, do, see, feel and experience in your life. Check out the next section for added inspiration.

101 Things To Do Before You Die

Here are 101 items to consider for your bucket list. 🙂 Look through the list — is there anything that resonates with you? ​Note that the list below is a sample list of things you can put for your own list. Not all of them will work for you, and you shouldn’t do them for the sake of it. Take the items that resonate with you and use them for your own list! For your convenience, I’ve included useful resources (hand-picked by me) to aid you in your bucket list quest.

1. Travel all around the world

2. Learn a new language

3. Try a profession in a different field

4. Achieve your ideal weight

5. Run a marathon

6. Take part in a triathlon

7. Take up a new sport

8. Go scuba diving / snorkeling and experience marine life up close

9. Go skiing

10. Trek the Inca Trail

Article by Ceres. Click the link for more ideas.

Source: Personal Excellence

Getting clarity on what to do is one of the most common questions I get from readers and clients alike. For some of my clients, they feel they are entering a period of their life where they should have clarity in what they want to do. Hence, not knowing what they want to do makes them feel frustrated. They feel that if they can quickly discover what they want to do, they can get started on it right away, rather than waste time doing seemingly unrelated things.

Here’s the thing though. To get an idea of what you want to do, you have to first base it off a reference point. This reference point is based on your past experiences. If you have not accumulated a set amount of experiences, you can’t possibly generate a meaningful answer in that regard.

For example, let’s say you want to buy a mobile phone. However, you have never used a mobile phone in your life. You don’t know how a mobile phone is like or what kind of functions it has, much less all the brands out there and the differences between the models.

What gives?

Will you:

1. Sit at home and mull over what mobile phone you should buy, waiting for the answer would pop in at some point. Maybe an eureka will strike, maybe it won’t ever, but either way you don’t plan to do anything until the answer comes. OR
2. Get to know what a mobile phone is. Go out there and explore the different mobile phones available. If possible, you want to try them out too, say by using your friends’ mobiles and visiting the phone shops.

Which option will help you make progress in your dilemma? Which option will give you new insights, new information, and new data points for you to base your decision on? Which option is a more reliable method to get you what you want?

If you are thinking option 2, we are thinking the same thing.

You see where I’m getting at with this?

The fog in your mind

For you to know what you want to do, you have to have some kind of experience you can refer to. Now, if you have never been out there getting into the thick of things, there’s not going to be a lot of things to reference with in your mind. There’s a fog in your mind, and the fog exists because you have never ventured much beyond your current point.

It’s like asking what’s your favorite sport when you’ve never exercised in your life. Or what’s your favorite book when you only read less than a book a year. Or what’s your favorite restaurant when you don’t eat out at all.

The fog will remain as long as you stay still. It’ll still be uncertain, hazy, possibly confusing and disempowering. To clear out the fog, you need to explore. You need to get out there and start trying out different things. You need to gain experience, to pick up new knowledge, to get into new situations. By building up as many of these experiences as possible, you create a baseline reference point in your mind. The more experiences you get, the more knowledgeable you become, the clearer you are of what you don’t like and what you do like, and the more you discover what you don’t want to do and what you DO want to do.

How I discovered what I truly want to do in life

One of the key things that helped me discover my purpose back in 2006 was because I went all out in all my goal pursuits and in pursuing my interests before that. It wasn’t like I had complete clarity of what I wanted to do in life previously. All I knew (as a kid) was I wanted to make the best out of my life and be a person of value to the society, and that meant doing my best and achieving my highest potential.

And that was what I did. I went all out to pursue my goals. I would put my heart and soul in everything I did. Whatever my goals were, from achievement goals, to academia goals, to business goals (I had a graphic design business last time, and ran a network of successful internet sites back when I was in secondary school), I would set my eyes on the top prize and go all out for them. Whatever my interests were, from making desktop wallpapers, to computer skins, to web/graphic design, to fashion/cosmetics, to gaming, I pursued them fervently. I never held back.

The whole process of setting goals, strategizing, planning, taking action, reviewing the results and readjusting my plans, and finally achieving the results, was eye opening. Every step of the journey, I learned something new about the world and myself. I grew as a person, and I became more self-aware. Learned more about myself, my strengths, my blind spots, my values, what I liked, what I didn’t like. I realized that things I used to think were important to me were actually not what I wanted. I came to realizations I never saw coming.

I would never have realized any single one of these things if I had never fervently pursued my growth, goals, and interests. With the kind of energy I put in my pursuits, it exposed me to an extremely wide range of situations and experiences. It was then a matter of time before I finally realized what I wanted to do.

Gaining Experience: Breadth and Depth

Hence, the key to know what you want to do is to get out there and gain as much experience as you can – both (1) Breadth of experiences (2) Depth of experiences.

1. Breadth of experiences refers to the variety of things you do. Say if you have only studied engineering and worked as an engineer all your life, it’s time to start something new, that’s different from engineering. It can be anything – from dancing, drawing, finance, marketing, business, food & beverage, music, painting, etc. The more new things you try, the greater the breadth of experiences you build up.
2. Depth of experiences refers to the intensity of how much you have done something. If you have always viewed engineering with a lackluster attitude, never putting in the extra time to know it better, and just doing what’s necessary to scrap by in the subject, you’d be building an average level of experience with it. Whereas if you have intensely strove to be the top engineer, studying top engineers, taking on all new projects that emerge and reading the best engineering texts, your depth of experience is going to be way more in comparison. The depth of your experiences in the subject can increase by an increased time spent on it, as well as just increasing your focus and energy when you are doing it.

Where to start off?

At this point you must be wondering where to start first, since there are so many different possibilities. My recommendation will be to start off by doing the things you already have some interest in. (whether it’s interest to try or interest to pursue further). Here’s a 5-step process to get you started on finding what you want to do.

1. Take out a piece of pen and paper. For the next 30 minutes, please write out a list of all the things you have always wanted to try, but have never tried. Also, write down the things you would want to try today. Don’t overthink it. Don’t think about the feasibility. Don’t think about how you are going to act on it. The point of this step is to know your WHAT first before devising your HOW. Just write.
2. After you are done, look back at the list. What are the things you are interested to try today? Circle them. It can be a few, it can be some, it can even be all.
3. Now, rank them. What is the thing you want to try out first? Label that as number 1. Then, move on to the thing you want to try next. Label that as number 2. And so on and so forth, until you get to the very last item you circled.
4. Now, it’s time to think about the HOW. How can you start trying the first few items you circled? Some of you may experience fear when trying new things. That’s because you overcomplicate the process in your mind. You don’t have to quit your job, stop your studies, or denounce whatever you are doing. You can continue what you are currently doing and try out something new, all at the same time. Just start off with little steps. Taking a course. Volunteering at a related organization. Consulting someone who is experienced in this area. Reading up on it. Draw up a plan to get working on the items on your list. Get up close with personal.
5. As you gain an increase breadth and depth of experiences, you will start getting a clearer idea of what you don’t want to do, and what you do want to do.

Key Step: Take action

At the end of the day, it’s all about taking action to gain new experiences. Go ahead and try everything you want. Seek externally. Regroup periodically by introspecting and checking if you are moving in the right track. And as you gain a critical mass of experiences – both the breadth and the depth, the answer will be clear to you.

The most important thing of all is to maximize every experience you are in, give yourself fully to every moment and not to forget to live life to the fullest every step of the way. I gather the reason why you want to know what to do in life is because you want to make the most out of life, so it’ll be ironic to miss out on living in the process of trying to find what you want to do. Knowing the answer wouldn’t make a difference if you are not even living in the present. Soak in the life you have now and appreciate everything you get to experience, good or bad, ups or downs. That’s when you truly live life to the fullest.

Article, one of a series, written by Celes.

You can find the whole series at: How To Know What You Want To Do In Life – Personal Excellence

(Image: Kathleen Conklin)

Source: Social Squares

2021 was a fever dream of a year and you can’t convince me otherwise. We fell in love with the Duke in Bridgerton, KimYe split, Olivia Rodrigo came out of the woodwork and gave us our 2021 anthem, Driver’s License. We got Bennifer, Adele, and All Too Well back, sold our local grocery stores out of blocks of feta, got the Friends reunion we were all hoping and wishing for. And before we can say “see ya” to this year, we have a couple of loose ends to tie up before we head into 2022.

If there’s ever a time of year where my need to nest feels more crucial than ever, it’s the what-day-of-the-week-is-it time between the holiday season and the New Year. Between wrapping up all of my work projects, setting new goals, and frantically searching “new year tips” to tackle 2022 in the most strategic manner possible, I’m split 50/50 between wanting to be lazily horizontal and going into hyperdrive towards my New Year’s resolutions. If you’re looking to prep for the new year without burning out, look no further… here are the five (actually achievable) things I want to accomplish before 2022:

1. Practicing gratitude and celebrating my 2021 highlights

If there’s one thing you need to know about me it’s that, these days, I never. slow. down. And while, on paper, that probably seems helpful in the interest of starting the new year with a bang, I’ve learned that going full throttle without taking time to rest, recharge, or review is a sure and quick way to burning out even before my New Year’s resolutions are implemented. This year, I’m taking a breath, resting, realigning with the things I love, and reminiscing on all of my 2021 highlights and accomplishments.

This year, I’m using the Top 9 App to do a quick rewind on Instagram to romanticize just how far I’ve come. Like the pop culture moments of 2021 that make me scratch my head and think, “wait, that happened this year?” I’m finding myself asking the same question about my personal life. By downloading the free, reliable, and safe Top 9 App, highlighting and sharing all of my big moments (switching career paths, being there as my childhood bestie got engaged, and celebrating a Michigan Big 10 Tournament Win, just to name a few) is smooth and easy. I’m able to smile, laugh, and pat myself on the back. Like, damn, girl. You did that.

2. Making a 2022 vision board

I’ve heard of making vision boards in years past but I’ve never made one for myself. In the same breath, I’ve never been great at goal setting or settling on specific New Year’s resolutions other than “hit the gym more.” Note: She, in fact, did not hit the gym more.

I was listening to an episode of the Life with Marianna podcast this week where Marianna Hewitt (cofounder of Summer Fridays and certified badass) shared that, every year, she makes a deliberate vision board of her hopes and dreams for the year and breaks down what she’ll do to get there. And naturally, if Marianna is doing it, I have to do it. As someone who is more visual and tangible than abstract, I think that this will be my best shot for developing and sticking to resolutions that last far beyond the beginning of the year.

3. Cleaning out my closet

I did a closet overhaul towards the end of 2020 but since shacking up with my boyfriend, being sucked into 2021 fashion trends I never wore, and wanting to build a more sophisticated capsule wardrobe, I’m in need of another closet refresh. I’m making three piles (donate, sell, and keep) and my goal is to simplify my wardrobe as much as I possibly can with the mindset, “if I didn’t wear it in 2021, I’ll never wear it.” If there’s any undertaking that’ll make me feel refreshed and decluttered, this one is it.

4. Reassessing my budget

If there was one New Year’s resolution that I almost pulled off, it would have been my 2021 attempt to improve my financial health. For the first time in my life, I actually paid attention to where my money was going, drafted up a realistic budget that I stuck to for the majority of the year, and actually saved some money! I was nearly unrecognizable.

When I switched careers, hopped on a new health insurance plan, and added another party to my living situation, my entire budget system was totally thrown for a loop. I definitely need to sit down, go through my finances for the year, set new financial goals, and rearrange my budget to better fit what my life looks like right now. But, thankfully, now that I have even the tiniest bit of January-to-October success in my pocket, the challenge is definitely a lot less daunting than it was last year.

5. Ditch my old planners and calendars and start mapping out the year ahead

If there is a designated changing of the guard to signal the start of the new year, it’s the “out with the old, in with the new” swap of our yearly planners. The pages of a new planner are blank and ready to be lovingly scribbled on and the world (2022) is our oyster.

I filled up every square inch of my planner from our 2021 planner collection with Day Designer and, now that I finally have my hands on my dream planner from our 2022 collection, I’m literally planning an entire wine+cheese+planner evening with myself to map out my January, hold a spot for the bigger events of the year (anyone already stressed about wedding season or just me?), and make moves towards my visions and goals. I’ll likely do this a few days after I make my vision board so that I can schedule checkpoints throughout the year to ensure that I’m making strides towards the promises I’ll be making to myself. 

Written by Ashley Selleke 

Source: The Everygirl©

 

Nope! Not Mine!

 

 

Source: 9gag

Photo Credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com