Cut Yourself some Slack

 

The same old pattern

It won’t come as a surprise to anyone when I say that we’re typically our own worst critics.

When we mess up, fail, or find ourselves in an uncomfortable situation, we often think there’s something wrong with us as a person.

That the cause of the screw up is something intrinsically flawed deep inside and that we just don’t have what it takes to make it.

It’s at times like these that we heap shame on our shoulders, isolate ourselves from others, and get caught up in negative thinking patterns that erode our sense of self.

It needs to stop.

Challenging critical self-talk developing the skills to negotiate through setbacks is crucial.  Also, building our own resilience in the face of adversity to turn these types of situations into valuable learning moments, is how we grow.  But how do we do it? How do we cut ourselves some slack?

Quite simply — we do it mindfully, intentionally, and with an eye to treating ourselves to a healthy dose of self-compassion.

When you’re overwhelmed with critical self-talk in the face of a setback, there’s a way to step back from the noise and stop being so hard on yourself.

It is about changing your relationship to that voice so that you can hear its warnings, respond to yourself with kindness, and continue taking steps toward a meaningful life even when the critic gets loud.

Stop Fighting the Thoughts (Embrace and Allow)

Trying to forcefully stop or change negative thoughts is usually a fool’s errand that backfires.

Fighting the thoughts gives them more power and consumes all your mental energy.

Instead of arguing with the critic, simply acknowledge its presence.

Common Humanity

Common humanity is the recognition that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience.

This perspective reminds you that you are not alone in your struggles.

Self-Kindness

Self-kindness entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer or feel inadequate.

It replaces the harsh, punitive voice with a supportive and encouraging one.

It’s treating yourself like you would your best friend.  Would you cut your friend some slack?  Of course, you would. Now build on that premise.  That you are your best friend that needs counsel not criticism. 

Speak to yourself like someone you love. 

Related:  How to Silence Your Inner Critic – TUTORING YOU