Category: Stress Relief

Never Tolerate These 12 Things

No one is perfect, and we all do things both to ourselves and others who aren’t very kind sometimes. That being said, there are certain things that you should never tolerate – both from yourself and from others.

Basically, there are 12 behaviors that we might experience that we shouldn’t tolerate. Both from others and that we express ourselves. Take control over your life and make the changes necessary.  Rid yourselves of these behaviors. Take the time to examine your life critically. Are there things that you should never tolerate, both within yourself and from others?

12 things to change if you can.

 

 

Never forget this important piece of advice.

 

Their Opinion is None of Your Business

 

“What other people think of me is none of my business.” ~Wayne Dyer

We spend an awful lot of time focused on what other people think about us.

We need to stop.

Because it really doesn’t matter.

 

When we put their opinions on a pedestal, we get lost. We can’t hear the guidance from the soul. You didn’t come here to let others define you. Your soul didn’t choose this incarnation to sit in the corner of your life and see how it goes. No! Your soul has deep intentions. Your soul can guide you. And to guide you, the soul needs to clear away all the noise between you and the soul. The noise of others. The noise of the unconscious fears still holds you back.

When it comes down to it, no one is inside your head, but you. No one is living your life, but you. There’s no reason to give away ownership of your decisions to what “anonymous others” think you should be doing with your life

You Really Don’t Have to “Do It All” and “Do It Well”

Many of us think we have to do it all. It’s really our culture, today, to make us think that we’re not doing everything we should be doing, from 24/7 news cycles to email to text to social media such as constantly rolling Twitter feeds and Facebook and Instagram “life boasting” feeds.

What is most important in quelling the “shoulds” that play in your own head is taking a little bit of time to reflect on what is truly important to you, personally, in your life. Make a list of all the things that you feel have personal and intrinsic value to you. Maybe it’s a clean home, maybe it’s a hot meal on the table every night, maybe it’s annual vacations to amusement parks with the kids, maybe it’s keeping up with your favorite TV show, maybe it’s a weekly night out with your friends or a date night with your significant other. Once you make a list of what you truly value, then you’ve created the only list of “should” that should ever really matter.

In time, their opinions will become none of your business.

Here are some ways to let go of the importance of others’ opinions:

  1. Realize that this is self-inflicted pain. Bryon Katie’s book, Love What Is, posits that the suffering is in your head. The first question of “The Work” is “Is it true?” When I work with clients, I hear all kinds of statements that are causing the client pain. “She doesn’t like me,” “He wants me off the project,” and “They think I’m incompetent.” How can you verify that it is true? Realize that believing it is true is in your own head. You are suffering from your own beliefs and thoughts.
  1. Beware of how you accept both criticism and compliments. These are two sides to the very same coin. Someone can be validating you and giving you feedback that sounds like or is actually a critique. Whether it’s positive or negative it is an opinion that you could potentially benefit from and has no bearing on who you are. You are still you. If you are focused and enamored only with praise. When you are criticized, you will roll down the other side of the hill and be thrown off your game. I believe a simple “Thank you” for either is just fine. Temper your reactions and how you internalize feedback. Find a way to benefit from the critique of those whose opinions you trust.
  1. Let go of the battle. In Jack Kornfield’s A Path with Heart, he writes, “Let go of the battle. Breathe quietly and let it be. Let your body relax and your heart soften. Open to whatever you experience without fighting.” Fighting requires a lot of energy. It’s exhausting to spend your day worrying about what everyone else is thinking. Put down your armor and let go.
  1. Be skeptical. As written in Don Miguel Ruiz’ book, The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery, “Doubt takes us behind the words we hear to the intent behind them. By being skeptical, we don’t believe every message we hear; we don’t put our faith in lies, and when our faith is not in lies, we quickly move beyond emotional drama, victimization, and the limiting belief systems our ‘domestication’ has programmed us with.” When you find the truth for yourself, you are free to live without regret and fear.
  1. Let go of attachment. Kornfield has some wonderful meditations in his book. One of them is letting go of anger. He writes, “The strength of our anger reveals the strength of our attachment.” It’s amazing how many things I am attached to and how much suffering it causes. It’s my control freak inside who doesn’t want to let go. But this constant striving to control the thoughts of others is unobtainable. This is a huge insight for me. It’s futile. Don’t attach.
  1. Be careful of your own language. My daughter made me aware of this. I would say, “Have you lost weight?” She asked that I say, “You look healthy.” You might think that it’s a compliment but as she explained, it’s also a value judgment. It is essentially saying that you were or weren’t thin enough before.
  1. Give up the idea of perfection. I think about this when I meditate. I feel like when my thoughts wander (and they always do) that I am not being perfect at meditation. So what? It’s the same with your self-dialogue. When you are trying out #1-#6, let go of being perfect. So when you start worrying that your boss thinks you’re incompetent, acknowledge that you let that thought slip in and maybe you can avoid it the next time. Perfection is exhausting.

All of this can be difficult to try and implement. It’s a habit that you’ve likely been doing since you were a child. Changing your thoughts takes patience and trial and error. We are all just works in progress. How wonderful it is that we have others to help us!

Source:  workplacenavigator.com©

What may also help you lessen the importance of other opinions is this article.  It’s about changing your self-talk to a more positive one.

Time to Change your Self-Talk – TUTORING YOU

Need a Friend, How to Become One

 

 

Think about your best friend. What makes them your best friend; the friend above all others? Maybe you have several best friends. In childhood, it might have seemed easier to make friends, but in adulthood, it can feel quite difficult at times. I once asked a young client what made her best friend the “best” of her friends. Her answer? “Because we both love the color pink.” Seemed logical to me.

Some of us have had many good friends, even if some lasted for only a while. I have not had the luxury of having the same best friend for my whole life, but I have had many good friends along the way who I credit for teaching me what a good friend is, each one entering my life when I needed them.

While specific personality traits might differ from person to person, here are some of the qualities most of us look for in a friend:

  1. They show empathy and basic kindness. Some people are naturally programmed to respond in a compassionate way, while for others, this approach is not always easy. We all exist on different areas of the empathy spectrum, but look for, at least, a minimum understanding of basic kindness and understanding. Treating others with respect should be the bare minimum.
  2. You feel good when you are with them. A good friend is someone who you can be yourself with, and around whom your mood improves. They make you feel good about yourself and who you are.
  3. They are willing to apologize and admit when they’re wrong. The ability to admit to shortcomings is a highly undervalued quality in a person. A lot of growth can come from the ability to admit when one is wrong and to apologize accordingly. It shows maturity, compassion, and high self-esteem. The ability to admit when there is an area that we do not know enough about, or perhaps need to reexamine, makes us more agreeable. In my experience, this level of maturity improves with age. Disagreements or personality conflicts are an inevitable part of being human, so it’s essential to find a friend who can handle this with grace and maturity.
  4. They have time for you. In today’s era of constant availability, it can be difficult to imagine not being easily accessible. However, if you find that the person is not responding to messages or calls, or seems to never have time for you, this might be a sign that they are not able to be a good friend to you right now, for whatever reason. Know your worth and when you are not being fully valued. If you feel ignored or pushed aside, this is a clue that the person might not have enough time for you or might not share the same desire for time together. Having differing priorities than ours does not make the other person unhealthy, but it will improve the chances of our connecting on a deeper level while decreasing the need for unnecessary pain or arguments if they are more aligned.
  5. They are trustworthy and reliable. This is very important. Pay attention to how you feel around this person emotionally and physically. Do you feel like you can be yourself, complete with your opinions and desires? Someone who cares about you will be there when they say they will and hold themselves accountable to promises made. They will follow through, and you can rely on them.

By Kaytee Gillis, LCSW for Psychology Today©

 

A helpful guide: