Self-discovery is important because it helps us live more meaningful lives. You learn how to take better care of yourself when you understand yourself. Plus, you might find a more fulfilling career if you’re connected to your true self. And if you’re on a career path you’re truly passionate about, you’re more likely to succeed.
You may feel intimidated by the prospect of embarking on a journey of self-discovery. Where do you even begin? The steps to self-discovery can vary and are need not be done in any particular order. That means you can start with whatever action feels right for you. Remember that having the courage to begin this journey is already admirable, so keep that momentum going.
Here are 11 tips you can follow to take time to discover yourself:
Work to be your best self each day, no matter what you’re doing.
Take risks and try new things.
Home in on your passions and what makes you excited.
Understand your strengths and consider how to apply them in every circumstance.
Start journaling your thoughts so you can reflect on them later.
Make sure you surround yourself with people who support you.
Learn from your mistakes and move on.
Think back to your childhood and connect with your inner child again.
Be curious and ask questions.
Build habits that support your personal growth and goals.
Practice positive self-talk and reward yourself for your wins.
Paper or plastic? Tea or coffee? Debit or credit? Boxers or briefs?
Decisions, decisions. We make hundreds — maybe even thousands — of decisions every day. But they aren’t all that straightforward.
Sometimes, the volume, complexity or potential impact of the decisions you have to make in a day can leave you so physically, mentally and emotionally drained that “fries or a salad?” feels like a riddle.
We’re doing a deep dive into decision fatigue: What it is, what it isn’t, how to spot it and how to prevent it.
What is decision fatigue?
According to registered psychotherapist Natacha Duke, RP, decision fatigue is a phenomenon where the more decisions a person makes over the course of a day, the more physically, mentally and emotionally depleted they become. A person experiencing decision fatigue struggles with executive functioning. This can have a wide range of consequences, including impaired judgment.
Why does decision fatigue happen?
Anyone can experience decision fatigue, but it’s most likely to occur when:
You make a lot of decisions every day
Judges, surgeons and quarterbacks are extreme examples, but many of us have jobs or play roles that require numerous quick decisions every day.
Your decisions impact other people.
The “other people” in question could be your partner, your children, your employees … the list goes on. Depending on your job, it may even be people you don’t know!
You’re in the midst of a difficult life situation
Picking out flowers isn’t usually difficult, but if you’re planning a memorial service for a loved one, it can seem impossible.
There is much uncertainty
Duke notes that many people struggled with decision fatigue during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. We didn’t have much information about the virus and couldn’t know for sure what consequences our choices would have.
You have perfectionist tendencies
“When our standard is perfection for everything, and we’re really thinking through everything to the nth degree, that’s exhausting and depleting for our brain,” Duke notes.
Chances are, you fall into at least one of those categories (if not more) on a regular basis. So how can you tell when day-to-day frustrations have spilled over into decision fatigue?
Signs and symptoms of decision fatigue
We’ve compiled eight common symptoms of decision fatigue for your reference.
Remember: Decision fatigue is an acute (short-lived) experience. If you’re experiencing these symptoms every day, then something else more chronic may be going on.
Procrastination or decision avoidance.
Impulsivity.
Exhaustion.
Brain fog.
Irritability.
Overwhelmed.
Regret or dissatisfaction.
Physical discomfort.
What decision fatigue isn’t: Chronic
Decision fatigue isn’t a problem that you should be facing day in and day out. “It’s usually an acute thing because most of the time when you’re suffering from true decision fatigue, you’ll have a recovery that’s reasonably quick,” notes Duke. “You’ll probably feel better after a day or so and be able to get back to your regular level of functioning.”
If you feel like you’re experiencing the symptoms of decision fatigue on the daily, it’s probably a good idea to let a healthcare provider or therapist know.
“I think what happens sometimes is that someone might be suffering from indecisiveness as a result of anxiety, depression or PTSD, something else that’s going on in terms of their mental health,” Duke explains.
“Indecisiveness can also be a symptom of burnout. If it’s something that’s happening chronically, it would be important to look into what’s really going on. Is it decision fatigue or is it a bigger issue?”
How to prevent decision fatigue
Everyone experiences decision fatigue from time to time. And that’s OK. While we can’t always control the situations that cause our decision fatigue, we can build protective measures into our daily lives to make that fatigue less likely and more manageable.
Remove choice from some elements of your life.
Steve Jobs, Barack Obama and several other famous decision-makers have talked publicly about how they wear essentially the same thing every day. Their rationale: Not having to think about what you wear is one fewer decision to make. Whether it’s what you wear, which podcast you listen to on the way to work or what brand of oatmeal you’re buying at the store, as Duke puts it: “Some things can be automated. Give yourself the ability to not have to have perfection be the standard for everything in your life.”
Delegate (if possible).
Some decisions are always going to be yours to make. But sometimes — and we’re talking to you, perfectionists — it’s OK to let other people handle things. They may (gasp) make a mistake every once in a while, but so will you! Go ahead: Let the assistant coach decide the starting lineup. Let your spouse-to-be choose the caterer for the big day. It’s going to be OK.
Prioritize sleep.
What do people say when faced with tough choices? “I’ll sleep on it.” There’s a reason for that. Research shows that we take more time to deliberate — and make better decisions — early in the day. It also shows that not only do sleep-deprived people have poor impulse control and emotional regulation skills, but their morality also takes a hit. If you find yourself in a particularly decision-heavy phase of your life, making the extra effort to get a good night’s sleep may help protect against decision fatigue.
Exercise.
You’ve probably heard that exercise is good for your brain, especially as you get older. But did you know that it can also help you make better decisions? A studyfound that coupling 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise with a three-minute walking break every half hour can improve executive function. If that sounds like a lot to you, don’t worry: Any exercise is better than no exercise, and walking for any length of time can do wonders for your overall mental health.
Manage stress.
Making stress-management activities part of your daily routine can help you feel less overwhelmed and more confident in the face of difficult decisions.
Make time for self-care.
Caring about your own mental health and well-being isn’t selfish. You can’t do what it takes to help others if you aren’t caring for yourself. Having a self-care routine in place can prevent decision fatigue — and make handling it easier if it does happen.
Build downtime into your day.
Life can get so busy, we sometimes forget to give our brains a chance to go offline for a while. “It’s a bit of a cliche, but I think it is true,” Duke reflects, “That you need to have some downtime where you don’t have to make decisions, think about things or analyze anything.” Scheduling downtime — whether that means watching reality TV on your phone over your lunch break, meditating for 20 minutes every day or taking the long route when you walk your dog after dinner — can help keep your brain charged and ready to make tough choices.
When to get help
We asked Duke what someone who’s up at 3 a.m. Googling “decision fatigue” should be doing to get to a better place. Her answer was telling: “They should be sleeping.”
Hard as it can be to experience decision fatigue, tomorrow is another day and — if you’re truly dealing with decision fatigue — that makes a big difference. If you don’t feel better after giving your body and mind an opportunity to “restore to factory settings,” then it’s probably time to talk to a healthcare professional.
“I always say that if you find yourself wondering if you should consult a therapist, then you probably should,” Duke says.
“It might be a one-off session where you get some tips to cope with decision fatigue when you feel it creeping up, or it might open up a window, to help you consider what else might be happening. Have you been ignoring other signs and symptoms that you’ve been experiencing, or maybe not realized that something else might be going on?
“It’s always better, in my opinion, to err on the side of caution and check it out.”
You don’t need to become a different person. You don’t need a total overhaul. You just need to take what you’re already doing and use it as an entry point for change.
These habits aren’t about adding more to your plate. They’re about shifting your energy through the micro-moments that already exist in your day.
This is how real change happens. Not through willpower. Not through extremes. But through awareness and repetition.
We’ve all been there: had a bad day at work, the kids won’t stop screaming and there is nothing in the fridge for dinner. It never ends. You feel like you will never catch up. Life is full of surprises. We can’t go back, and we can’t predict the future.
And sometimes, you forget to take care of yourself in the process.
You could be going through a tough time. Perhaps you’ve just had a recent breakup or did a sudden move.
You may also be struggling with anxiety or depression. If that is the case, it’s best to talk to a professional and get it properly treated. Causes of anxiety or depression vary from environmental to chemical.
Self-care should not be something you do once in a while when you’re exhausted. You need to get into the practice of taking care of yourself every day. This helps prevent burnout.
When you learn how to take care of yourself, you feel better about yourself — it shows. Your family and friends will also notice.
It’s so important to make sure you take good care of your body, mind, and soul every day, not just when you get sick. Learning how to eat right, reduce stress, exercise regularly, and take a time-out when you need it are touchstones of self-care and can help you stay healthy, happy, and resilient.
Why Do We Often Fail at Self-Care?
Practicing self-care isn’t always easy. Most of us are crazy busy, have stressful jobs, or are too consumed with technology to make time for ourselves. Me-time is usually last on the agenda. Worse, we can sometimes feel guilty about taking the time required to take care of ourselves. So getting started with self-care can be challenging. In my new book, Outsmart Your Smartphone: Conscious Tech Habits for Finding Happiness, Balance, and Connection IRL, I teach folks how to find time and make space for self-care. But here are some additional tips that you won’t find in the book to get you started with your self-care.
How Do You Engage in Self-Care?
Fortunately, there are many things you can do to engage in self-care. You can read about self-care strategies, join self-care programs, or work with a coach or therapist who can help support your progress. No matter what you choose, the goal is to figure out which self-care strategies work best for you, learn how to use these strategies, and implement them in your regular routine so you can boost your well-being not only today but forever.
If you feel yourself close to shutting down from stress and burnout, here are 12 self-care tips to try.
1. Make sleep part of your self-care routine.
Sleep can have a huge effect on how you feel both emotionally and physically. Not getting enough can even cause major health issues. But stress and other distractions can wreak havoc on our sleep.
What do you do to make sleep part of a self-care routine? Start by thinking about your nightly routine. Are you eating or drinking immediately before bed? If so, it’s especially important to stay away from caffeine and sugar, which tend to keep you awake.
Reducing stress is also key. If you have work-related stress, think about the best ways to calm yourself after a hard day or relax more while on the job. You might talk to your employer about lessening your workload or settle a disagreement with a coworker.
Next, make sure your bedroom is the best possible place for you to get good REM sleep. It should be free of distractions (such as a television, laptop, cellphone, etc.). And make sure you have room-darkening curtains to keep the sun from waking you up too early in the mornings.
2. Take care of yourself by taking care of your gut.
Your gut health can have a significant impact on your health, well-being, and feelings of vitality. The types of foods you eat crucially impact the bacteria that live in your stomach, resulting in a cascade of either positive or negative outcomes. Healing the gut can lead to an unhappy person, and vice-versa.
3. Exercise daily as part of your self-care routine.
We all know exercise is good for us, but do we really know how good it is? Daily exercise can help you both physically and mentally, boosting your mood and reducing stress and anxiety, not to mention helping you shed extra weight.
Of course, it might be hard to go to the gym every day, so try to incorporate other exercises, such as walking, tennis, or yoga, which may be able to fit into your schedule more easily. The most important thing is to create a routine that works for you.
4. Eat right for self-care.
The food we eat has the potential to either keep us healthy or contribute to weight gain or diseases such as diabetes, but it can also keep our minds working and alert. Eating the right foods can help prevent short-term memory loss and inflammation, both of which can have long-term effects on the brain and, in turn, the rest of the body. Some of the most amazing self-care foods include fatty fish, blueberries, nuts, green leafy veggies, and brassicas, like broccoli.
5. Say no to others, and say yes to your self-care.
Learning to say no is really hard; many of us feel obligated to say yes when someone asks for our time or energy. However, if you’re already stressed or overworked, saying yes to loved ones or coworkers can lead to burnout, anxiety, and irritability. It may take a little practice, but once you learn how to politely say no, you’ll start to feel more self-confident, and you’ll have more time for your self-care.
6. Take a self-care trip.
Taking a self-care trip can make a huge difference in your life. Even if you’re not feeling particularly stressed, getting away for a weekend every now and then can help you disconnect, relax, and be rejuvenated. These self-care trips don’t have to be costly; simply drive to the next town over and see the sights, or go camping nearby. The goal is to veer away from your normal schedule and take the time to do something just for yourself.
7. Take a self-care break by getting outside.
Spending time outside can help you reduce stress, lower your blood pressure, and live in the moment. Studies have even shown that getting outside can help reduce fatigue, making it a great way to overcome symptoms of depression or burnout. Getting outside can also help you sleep better at night, especially if you do some physical activity, like gardening, hiking, or walking while you are outside.
8. Let a pet help you with your self-care.
Pets can bring a boost to our lives. From giving unconditional love to providing companionship, pets can be hugely beneficial for our self-care. Dogs especially can help reduce stress and feelings of anxiety and can even lower blood pressure. In fact, many people who suffer from disorders like PTSD have benefited from working daily with animals, which is why service dogs have become so helpful for these individuals.
9. Take care of yourself by getting organized.
Getting organized is often the first step to becoming a healthier you because it allows you to figure out exactly what you need to do to take better care of yourself. A small change, like keeping a planner or a calendar on the fridge, can help you write down all your responsibilities and appointments, while at the same time keeping your life a bit more organized. You can also create an area to keep keys, purses, backpacks, briefcases, and coats, and make sure they’re ready to go for the next day.
10. Cook at home to care for yourself.
Many people don’t take the time to make themselves meals, preferring instead to stop for fast food or popping a pre-made meal in the microwave. But these “fast” meals aren’t usually sufficient when it comes to feeding your body the right kinds of calories and nutrients. Even if it’s only once a week, consider making a healthy meal for yourself or your whole family. You could even look into a meal delivery service or meal kit that can help you get started.
11. Read a book on self-care for self-care.
In today’s fast-paced world, we tend to turn to our phones for entertainment or comfort, scrolling through news feeds that can contribute to our stress and worries rather than helping it. Instead, consider bringing a self-help book with you when you leave the house. Even better, bring books on self-care so that you can learn more about how to take care of yourself while you are taking care of yourself. You might be amazed at the difference it can make when you slow down instead of always looking at your phone. Not only can it help improve your mood, but it can also help you to stay more present and mindful.
12. Schedule your self-care time, and guard that time with everything you have.
It can be hard for us all to find extra time. But it’s extremely important to plan regular self-care time. Moments alone can help you to ponder the best ways to move forward in your life and keep you grounded. And moments with friends can help you feel more connected and relaxed.
Whether you decide you want to go for a long walk, take a hot bath, or enjoy a good movie with friends, taking self-care time is imperative. Look for small ways you can incorporate it into everyday life; for example, you might wake up 15 minutes earlier to sit with a cup of tea and practice deep breathing before the chaos of the day begins, or you might take a walk around the block on your lunch break. The more you can work self-care time into your schedule, the better you’ll be able to grow, enjoy your life, and thrive.
The first step in living seasonally is paying attention to the nature around you. Watch for the colors, textures, and sounds that define each season. Notice the shift in the quality of light during the day or the smell of the air at different times of the year.
The visible and measurable changes in weather and hours of daylight precipitate psychological changes. Each season brings a different kind of awareness. The way the air feels on my skin, the angle of light striking my eyes as the Sun moves across the sky, and the sensations of the ground underfoot as I walk or kneel all affect my thinking, my hoping and dreaming, and the way I put words together and go about solving problems.
To connect further, keep a nature journal to record what you observe. A simple leather-bound notebook is a beautiful way to track your seasonal reflections through poems or collages and develop a deeper awareness of the world around you.
Since many of us live by the clock today, it’s easy to forget that we live in a world of natural seasons and seasonal change. What if we were more in tune with the age-old rhythms of the seasons? There’s much research that shows we would live a healthier, happier, and more productive life. Here is a tip on how to live seasonally—in your garden.
The Gardening season
Every main season in a four-season climate contains many microseasons of varying length. They arise and die continuously throughout the calendar year, sometimes overlapping, often coinciding, in some years never occurring at all. For example:
Late March and early April bring seed-starting season, dandelion season, and mud season …
These ease gradually into the forsythia, volunteer lettuce, and lilac seasons …
And then on into the strawberries, peas, lamb’s-quarters, and asparagus seasons …
Until we reach the August–September blowout: broccoli, green beans, tomatoes, peppers, eggplants, summer squash, and corn seasons …
And then we move under blankets with carrots, beets, and root vegetables that we roast, along with warm boiled soups, stews, and broths made with winter cooking greens, plus preserved and fermented jars of food, dried dates and fruits, and lots of nuts that give us heat and energy.
Tips to Live in Tune with the Seasons
By living seasonally, I mean fully inhabiting your natural environment and letting your environment inhabit you. You can live seasonally even in urban settings, even if you spend your working hours in an office cubicle without windows.
“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.”
― Henry David Thoreau, American writer (1817–62), in Walden
How to live seasonally? Here are a few ideas.
Get out more, and pay attention when you do. Get curious about what’s happening in the natural world. Notice what’s new or changed since the last time you ventured out.
Make yourself go out in all kinds of weather. (Okay, do avoid thunderstorms and extreme weather.) As the need arises, get some serviceable outdoor gear. Think rain gear, a wind-resistant jacket and pants, sweat-wicking shorts, T-shirts for summer, and thermal long johns for the colder months. Also hats, mittens, and treaded boots. If you live in snow country, put some lightweight snowshoes and trekking poles on your gift list. Add a bike (speedy for commuting or just an old beater for jaunting around) if you don’t have one.
Buy or borrow wild and cultivated plant guides and learn how to use the identifier keys that they contain. Look at the weeds that grow from cracks in the asphalt, along the roadsides, or along the woodland path. Identify the aromatic flowers and shrubs that grow in a neighbor’s yard. Notice the insects that flutter around this or that plant. Friend or foe?
If you’re really adventurous, get insect, bird, and other nature guides, too. Identify which pollinator species is buzzing around inside that squash blossom, or which mammal left that pile of scat at the edge of the field. What bird species made that perfect, tiny nest in the lilac bush outside the town library? What kinds of fallen leaves are these?
The Benefits of Seasonal Living
If you get out more often to explore your surroundings, you’ll get more exercise, which is always a good thing. Taking a lunchtime walk, even on an overcast day, does wonders for recharging your mental batteries and sharpening your mind, as well as burning a few calories.
If you choose to learn more about the plants and animals that share the space around you, you’ll expand your knowledge, maybe even your wisdom. Your interior world will become broader, deeper, and more diverse.
You may find new friends out exploring the same terrain. This, in turn, may lead to planning more extensive joint adventures. New relationships formed around similar interests can increase your emotional well-being.
As you notice and learn more about your local environment, you may start to care more about it and understand how humans’ impact other living creatures. People simply don’t take care of what they don’t know and embody.
Celebrate the Seasons with Traditions
More seasons? More celebrations! To my way of looking at it, every season, particularly if it involves a lot of hard work, deserves a holiday.
Depressingly long mud season? Plan a “mudluck” dessert social, where everybody brings their gooiest dark chocolate confection.
Harvest season winding down? Time to celebrate with an evening of Halloween pumpkin carving.
You get the idea. Go ahead. Name your private seasons—and celebrate one today!
If you yearn for those bygone summer days, it is possible to recreate that feeling, even just for a moment. Here are some nostalgic things to do this summer that will help you tap into the past and make you feel like a kid again:
Host a slumber party
Slumber parties were one of the best things to do during the summer, especially when they involved talking with your friends all night. As adults, we pay a lot of attention to getting enough sleep so we can be our best selves in the day ahead. But summer is the perfect excuse to forget about your alarm clock for a night. Text the group chat and invite your besties over for a slumber party. You can either go all out with decorations and a spread of junk food or keep it simple and have everyone show up with a snack, drinks, and a sleeping bag. If you have a backyard, consider moving your slumber party outdoors. Or, as we know from childhood sleepovers, even a crowded living room with floor space will do. Bonus points if you stay up all night and watch the sun come up together.
Reread your favorite summer break books
Did you have a favorite book series that totally altered your brain chemistry as a kid? Or maybe you remember the high school years when you were assigned books to read over the summer. Rereading one of these books is sure to give you all the nostalgic feelings. If you no longer own the books, check out your local library and see if they have any copies. It’s amazing what an original cover of a beloved book can spark in your memory. Then, take a day to sit outside and pour through the story with no agenda. Invite a friend to read next to you or have a solo day. Most importantly, enjoy the feeling of reading just for fun.
Make friendship bracelets
If Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour is any indication, making friendship bracelets will never go out of style. Meet your friends in a local park, bring the supplies, and start crafting. For easy beaded bracelets, all you need are the beads, thread, and fasteners. For a more complex crafting experience, pick up embroidery floss in several colors, and try your hand at some woven patterns. To make this activity even more fun, have everyone create a bracelet for someone else, then swap at the end.
Visit childhood friends
You can obviously visit childhood friends any time of the year, but there’s something special about planning a summer get-together. If you have friends you’ve held onto since your younger years, think back to what you used to do when you hung out as kids. That could mean hitting the mall, making up dance routines, giving each other makeovers, getting active outside, or simply chatting about your crushes. Whatever it is that you and your childhood friends loved doing in the summertime, make time to experience it again as adults for a day. The act of rekindling the origins of your friendship will allow you and your friends to reconnect and unwind at the same time.
Host a nostalgic summer movie marathon
Whether you loved adventure movies or lighthearted rom-coms when you were growing up, a summer movie marathon is always a fun way to look back on the past. Rewatch some of the classics you remember from when you were a kid, especially those that were released in the summer months. You can get an inexpensive projector and host an outdoor screening, or take a break from the heat of the day by watching the movies indoors. Don’t forget to pop some popcorn and stock up on your favorite movie snacks from childhood.
You keep secrets from each other; you keep secrets from yourselves. Secrets bond you; secrets drive you apart. Keeping a secret can be a burden, or it can delight you. Sharing secrets can be a relief, whether it’s with your old friend or new therapist.
Children
For children, learning to keep secrets is a vital developmental milestone. In one study, researchers asked kids who were three, four, and five to play hide-and-seek and to keep a secret about a surprise. Abilities to do the two tasks correlated strongly with each other, and with the kids’ social cognition. At three, the kids were fairly hopeless at these tasks; by five, most of them could keep a secret, and had the cognitive development to match.
Adults
For adults, this is expected behavior. “Virtually all adults of normal intellectual and psychological functioning do keep personal secrets at one time or another,” writes Anita E. Kelly. Ms. Kelly is a professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame, and author of The Psychology of Secrets.
Yet across ages and cultures, multiple studies show the personal health benefits of sharing your private hopes and fears with trusted confidantes. Also, the corresponding detriment of keeping some secrets entirely to yourself.
The secret to secrets
Which secrets should you not be entirely alone with? Secrets motivated by shame. The research is clear: shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression and violence. The first step away from shame can be as close as a shared secret and the words “me too.” As Brene Brown (TED Talk: Listening to shame) explained so eloquently in 2012, “If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially. The first is secrecy. Second is silence and third is judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.”
If no trusted confidante comes to mind, then it may be appropriate to share that “shameful” secret with someone new. Just being listened to by a kind and empathetic stranger can sometimes provide relief, says suicide prevention counselor Kevin Briggs (TED Talk: The bridge between suicide and life). And if you’re not yet ready to share your secret out loud, the act of writing it down and turning it into shared art can sometimes be transformative.
Posting a secret
A decade ago, Frank Warren (TED Talk: Half a million secrets) founded an ongoing community art project. Basically, that transformed his own secrets, in addition to many others. His project, called PostSecret, is a curated compendium of never-before-shared secrets. Equally important is that they are artistically rendered on postcards and mailed to him by anonymous strangers. Yes, Warren had a tedious job back in 2004 and was looking for a meaningful project to do on the side. However, he says, “I think a deeper motivation might have been secrets I’d been carrying in my own life, secrets I’d been keeping from myself.” “In some ways, maybe PostSecret is this art project that’s made just as much for me to reconcile with secrets I’ve been haunted by.”
So many secrets
Since 2004, over a million people have mailed Warren postcards with their secrets written (and often depicted) on the back. There he keeps them in an ever-growing pile in his house. “It shocks me every time I look at the pyramid,” he says. “It’s taller than me. I’m 6’3.”
Another secret
Sharing secrets with strangers doesn’t put your ego at risk, like sharing with intimates does. But Warren points out that sharing secrets anonymously can also be a rehearsal for telling the people you care about. “It’s a way of putting your secret in words and, first of all, admitting it to yourself, and then finding the courage to share it with a stranger,” he says. “At that point, you might get feedback that makes you realize that your secret is more normal than you could imagine. Chiefly, that can be a way to drop that burden of shame and become ready to share it with a parent, a spouse, a psychiatrist, a friend.”
Truly intimate relationships depend on really seeing another person, which means knowing the deep reaches that not everyone has access to. We can never completely merge with another, nor should we. Being an adult requires maintaining healthy boundaries but sharing these tender parts of ourselves allows others to love us. Just as accepting others’ secrets allows us to love them.
“I believe secrets are the currency of intimacy, and I think by sharing them we can not only develop stronger relationships with friends and family but maybe get a better understanding of who we are. So, I feel like secrets are transformative,” Warren says. “I think the sweet spot, in terms of intimacy, is to share more of the secrets than we feel comfortable with. But never all of them.”
You head to yoga, squeeze in mani/pedis and treat yourself to the occasional wine and rom-com action when you need to soothe your stress-filled mind. But did you know that you could be practicing a little extra self-careby simply stocking your home with greenery? These seven miracle plants are scientifically proven to help you chill the heck out.
1. MINT
Mentha piperita
It’s lovely to have mint around for cooking—but this fragrant herb also has serious stress-relieving properties. A study by Wheeling Jesuit University found that sniffing it can actually lower frustration levels and boost alertness.
2. JASMINE
Yes, jasmine is beautiful and lovely to smell. But according to a study published in the Journal of Biological Chemistry, its scent was found to be “as calming as Valium” to the nervous system. (When the scent was released into a cage of mice, they became so chilled out, they all sat quietly in a corner.) Woah.
3. ALOE
You already love this plant for soothing your sunburns and moisturizing your skin. But did you know that it also purifies the air of common carcinogens and emits oxygen at nighttime, helping us to sleep better? P.S. In a recent study, it was also found to reduce depression in mice.
4. LAVENDER
This fragrant, flowering herb has been used medicinally to calm nerves and aid in depression for centuries. (Erm, aromatherapy anyone?) One particularly illuminating study found that the scent of lavender had major effects on lowering pulse rates on nursing students in stressful situations.
5. SNAKE PLANT
According to NASA’s clean air study, this lush-looking plant clears the air of over 107 toxins and emits tons of oxygen throughout the night. This cocktail can improve your energy levels, ease headaches and quite literally have you breathing easier.
6. BASIL
This—may we mention? —delicious herb contains high amounts of an organic compound called linalool (which is commonly used in aromatherapy). A team of Japanese scientists famously conducted a lab rat study that found that exposure to linalool reduces the activity of hundreds of genes that typically go into overdrive during stressful situations.
7. ARECA PALM
This leafy, statement floor plant is also a hard worker: It’s proven to remove nasty toxins like formaldehyde, trichloroethylene and benzene from the air. As a reminder, breathing purer air (whether awake or asleep) lowers your blood pressure. Say it with us now: Ahhhhhhh.
These good-for-you activities can help you live longer — and the good news is, you might already be doing some of them.
1. Gardening
Go green: Studies showing that gardeners are less stressed and live longer come as no surprise to longevity expert Dan Buettner, author of The Blue Zones. “If you garden, you’re getting some low intensity physical activity most days, and you tend to work routinely,” he said.
Plus, said Dr. Bradley Wilcox, a gerontologist at the University of Hawaii, “Gardening gives you that something to get up for every day.”
2. Reading
Turn the page: “Older individuals, regardless of gender, health status, wealth or education, showed the survival advantage of reading books,” said Becca Levy, professor of epidemiology and psychology at the Yale School of Public Health. “We know that reading involves two cognitive processes that could [help in living a longer life]: the slow, deep immersion needed to connect to content, and promotion of empathy, social perception and emotional intelligence.”
3. Playing or listening to music
Take note: Per the folks at Johns Hopkins Medicine: “If you want to keep your brain engaged throughout the aging process, listening to or playing music is a great tool. It provides a total brain workout. Research has shown that listening to music can reduce anxiety, blood pressure and pain as well as improve sleep quality, mood, mental alertness and memory.” In fact, one study showed that going to gigs on a regular basis can help add a decade to your life.
4. Dancing
Bust a move: “Dancing is mainly linked to physical health benefits,” explained the British Heart Foundation. “But when you dance, you are moving different parts of your body in a coordinated way, and this activates several parts of the brain.” That’s always a plus in the fight against age-related diseases such as dementia.
5. Doing yoga
Stretch out: According to experts at Henry Ford Health: “Studies show practicing yoga can help lower blood pressure, slow down heart rate, reduce stress and trigger the release of feel-good chemicals in the brain. So it’s no surprise yoga can help maximize your health and longevity.”
The following 10 hobbies are fun activities that many life coachs adopt to manage anxiety. You don’t need all 10 to relieve your anxiety, one hobby is perfect enough.
Absolute best hobbies for stress relief
1. Writing Expressively
I highly recommend to every person with anxiety to try expressive writing as a way of releasing their thoughts and emotions.
In my experience once you start to notice the benefits you are likely to get pleasure from engaging in this activity.
2. Listening to Calming Music
Regularly listening to calming music can be a highly effective way to calm down quickly and ease your anxiety symptoms.
I realized very early on that each time I would put on my headphones and listen to relaxing sounds my anxiety would start to ease instantly.
I found this to be incredible, and putting on calming music became one of my emergency anti-anxiety measures.
3. Reading Empowering Books
A 2009 study at the University of Sussex found that reading can reduce stress by up to 68%. So, this is a highly effective hobby for people suffering from stress and anxiety.
Reading powerful books by talented authors such as Louise Hay, Eckhart Tolle, Jen Sincero, Deepak Chopra, Bruce Lipton, Thich Nhat Hanh, Jack Kornfield, Shakti Gawain, and Wayne Dyer, helped me to get out of a very dark anxiety hole.
I can’t thank these people enough for spreading such powerful messages and I have come to love their work so much.
Without exaggeration, I still pick them up now and read a few random pages when I need to be inspired.
More hobbies for stress relief:
Gardening
Gardening is an excellent stress reliever for various reasons, such as enjoying sunshine and fresh air and creating a more beautiful home environment.
Explore Photography
Whether you learn to take better photos of friends and family or explore artistic photography, this hobby can be rewarding. Practicing photography may change how you see the world, making it seem more beautiful and enriching your daily life.
Scrapbooking
Whether you have a few or many photos, scrapbooking is an enjoyable hobby. It blends art and journaling to uniquely display your memories for future generations. Scrapbooking also offers social opportunities through classes, gatherings, and forums while providing a stress-relieving break to create something beautiful to share.
Maintain an Aquarium
Watching aquarium fish has proven health benefits, including reducing blood pressure and relieving stress.1
Maintaining an aquarium of beautiful fish can be considered a useful hobby because it requires regular (but not overwhelming) attention, has the potential to connect you with other saltwater fish enthusiasts, and provides you with the opportunity to create something unique: your own mix of fish, rock, and plant life.
Puzzles
Engaging your mind in a puzzle can take your focus off of what’s stressing you and develop your brain power at the same time. The end result is that you get a nice break, experience some ‘flow’, and come back to your problems with a fresher, stronger mind, which can help you to better handle life’s stressors.
Drawing, Painting, and Coloring
You can get in touch with your artistic side and use drawing as a way to process emotions, distract yourself, and achieve other stress management benefits. The end result will be something beautiful and personal that you can enjoy or share.
Painting carries similar stress management benefits as drawing but through a different medium.
Coloring is another great stress-relieving activity that has grown in popularity.
Physical Activity or Exercise
Physical activity can improve your physical health, relieve stress, and enhance your mental well-being. Find an activity or form of exercise you enjoy and make it a regular part of your routine. This could be as simple as walking daily. You might also consider joining a local sports team, enrolling in an exercise class, or using online workouts a few times a week.
Knitting
Aside from helping you create beautiful gifts for yourself and others, knitting provides you with an opportunity to relieve stress. The repetitive motion can get you into an experience of ‘flow’ or can at least provide an outlet for nervous energy.
Playing an Instrument
Music has many health and stress relief benefits. While listening to music can probably be considered a hobby, creating music can be an even more powerful stress-relieving hobby, as it can absorb your attention fully and become a vehicle for creative expression as well.
Learning to play an instrument such as the piano can be a stress reliever for you as well as for those around you, as you share the music you create.
Writing
Many people have found journaling to be a great stress reliever, and the practice comes with proven stress management and health benefits as well!
Writing, whether in a personal journal, as an amateur author, or even as a professional, is a hobby that can be cathartic and relaxing, and provides something great to share with others.
