‘Sleep Divorces’ Are on the Rise—Could They Actually Save Your Marriage?

a person wearing a white shirt

We spend nearly one-third of our lives sleeping. Which is great because without it, we get cranky, irritable, cloudy and tired. In fact, research shows chronic lack of sleep even ages our skin. But what happens when the reason you’re not getting your zzz’s is because of your partner? Maybe they snore, roll around too much or blast the AC. This might just call for a “sleep divorce.” With the help of matrimonial attorney and author of The New Rules of Divorce: 12 Secrets to Protecting Your Wealth, Health, and Happiness, Jacqueline Newman, let us explain.

What’s a “sleep divorce”? Simple: A sleep divorce is when a couple makes the mutual decision that they’re not going to sleep in the same bed for the sake of wellness. That could unfold in myriad ways depending on what the problem is. For instance, if the bed is too soft for one person, maybe they sleep on the couch, pull-out, guest room or perhaps even purchase a new bed. If snoring is the issue, the couple may decide to sleep on different floors of the house. Seems strange? Well, according to a survey commissioned by SleepStandards, sleep divorces are more popular than you think—35 percent of couples interviewed are considering separate beds.

But isn’t sleeping separately bad for marriage? Au contraire! The word “divorce” probably makes you think it’s a bad thing, but according to Newman, a sleep divorce actually restores a lot of marriages and relationships. In fact, the whole point of a sleep divorce is to salvage or at least improve the relationship. If sleeping together means one or both partners is losing sleep, then sharing a bed might actually be bad for the marriage. “Culture says we have to sleep next to each other because of intimacy, but what if all we’re doing is keeping each other awake?” Newman asks.

How is sleeping in separate beds good for a relationship? We’ll let Newman explain: “Everyone’s cranky if you don’t get enough sleep—and you take it out on the people who you hold near and dear, most often your spouse.” If your partner is the reason you’re not getting a solid eight hours, your anger and contempt could escalate to a whole new level. A sleep divorce could prevent these negative emotions from simmering to a boil. When we’re better rested, we’re healthier and happier, making us better partners because we’re able to show up. “If you’re getting along and not fighting, does it really matter if you don’t sleep next to each other at night?” Newman wonders. In fact, she recalls a friend who announced her sleep divorce and then said, “You know what? My husband’s much funnier now.”

But what about sex? If you like your sex with a side of sleep, get it done and then retreat to your preferred sleeping arrangements. Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean your relationship has failed; you’re just at a new stage. “It’s just the practicality of life, it doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed,” explains Newman. For couples just starting out, maybe their partner’s snoring is cute, but the reality is intimacy comes in lots of forms, and if spooning all night isn’t working for you, why not get a good night’s sleep so you can actually enjoy your partner when you’re both awake?

Sold. So, how do I ask for sleep divorce? A healthy sleep divorce means the decision is mutual. Newman advises that the couple has to be on same page. “If one person derives huge amount of comfort from snuggling and connection, weigh your needs. Make the decision together.” And if you’re the partner who isn’t so into a sleep divorce, don’t just dismiss the idea, especially if your partner will experience this as rejection. Instead, like every other aspect of your marriage, make sure to communicate, be vocal, address needs and make compromises. Divorce granted.

Question: Have you and your partner ever tried a sleep divorce? What were the results?

Source: Dara Katz for purewow.com


100-year-old Tortoise Who Saved His Species

a turtle swimming under water: Tortoises "Diego", a species of the Española Island giant tortoise species, is pictured in a breeding centre at the Galapagos National Park in Santa Cruz Island, in the Galapagos archipelago, located some 1,000 km off Ecuador's coast, on June 4, 2013.
© RODRIGO BUENDIA/Getty Images Tortoises “Diego”, a species of the Española Island giant tortoise species, is pictured in a breeding centre at the Galapagos National Park in Santa Cruz Island, in the Galapagos archipelago, located some 1,000 km off…

A 100-year-old Galápagos tortoise named Diego is finally going to get some well-deserved rest and relaxation.

On Monday, Diego and 14 other tortoises returned to their native home of Española Island, located in the Galápagos Islands, after helping to save their species from extinction, according to BBC News.

Diego originally, “officially” retired in January, with expectations to return to Española in March.

Since the 1960’s, the Fausto Llerena Tortoise Center, a breeding facility on Santa Cruz Island, has been using Diego and the other tortoises to help bring up population numbers for their species, The New York Times reported. Diego is thought to have fathered over 2,000 tortoises, about 40 percent of the population that is alive today, according to BBC News.

That’s a lot of work for one tortoise.

So Happy Birthday to Diego and…get some rest man !


64,000 Sea Turtles Swimming During Nesting Season

By Nicol Natale  for Prevention

water next to the ocean: Queensland researchers released drone footage showing thousands of sea turtles swimming near Raine Island in the Great Barrier Reef during nesting season.
© Instagram Queensland researchers released drone footage showing thousands of sea turtles swimming near Raine Island in the Great Barrier Reef during nesting season.

On Tuesday, Queensland researchers from the Department of Environment and Science (DES) released drone footage showing a spectacular sight: Up to 64,000 endangered green sea turtles swimming near the Great Barrier Reef in Australia preparing to nest.

The turtles were swimming around Raine Island, a coral cay off the coast of Queensland, Australia, which is thought to be the largest green turtle rookery in the world. The turtles were getting ready to head to shore so they could lay eggs.

In a statement, officials said they were looking for an alternative way to count the endangered turtles after unsuccessfully using white, non-toxic paint. “Trying to accurately count thousands of painted and unpainted turtles from a small boat in rough weather was difficult,” said Andrew Dunstan, a researcher for the DES. “Using a drone is easier, safer, much more accurate, and the data can be immediately and permanently stored.”

Using the drone footage, they realized the number of sea turtles getting ready to nest was greatly underestimated. “What previously took a number of researchers a long time can now be by one drone operator in under an hour,” said researcher Richard Fitzpatrick from the Biopixel Oceans Foundation.

They were eventually able to count up to 64,000 green turtles, referring to the aggregation as one of the largest ever captured on film.

See the drone video here:


Are You Committing Microaggressions? Here’s What to Know

By McKenzie Jean-Philippe, Crystal Martin for Oprah Magazine

Microaggression, a term used to describe seemingly inoffensive comments, happen often. Here's how to react if one is thrown your way, or if you've used one yourself.
© FotografiaBasica – Getty Images Microaggression, a term used to describe seemingly inoffensive comments, happen often. Here’s how to react if one is thrown your way, or if you’ve used one yourself.

You’re pretty for a Black girl. (Are all Black girls not pretty?) Why do you enunciate all of your words? (Because that’s how I talk. Would you prefer I spoke differently?) You’re not really Black, you’re an Oreo. (Last time I checked, I am, but thanks for comparing me to one of the best cookies ever). Do you wish you had good hair? (Do you?)

Growing up in a suburb in Maryland that’s considered politically and socially progressive, statements like these were directed at me at nearly every turn in my life. I now know a name for them that you’ve probably heard from a friend or seen all over social media: microaggressions.

A microaggression is a comment or gesture (whether made intentionally or not) that feeds into stereotypes or negative assumptions created around oppressed or marginalized groups of people. The term was first used in the 1970s by Harvard’s Chester M. Pierce, MD. They tend to be based on a person’s race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or disability—and to the recipient, can feel like an attack.

Think of microaggressions as multi-level forms of communication. The words that are stated may seem neutral or even positive to the speaker, but that neutrality is a thin veneer for the bias that may lie beneath them. Derald W. Sue, PhD, a professor of psychology and education at Columbia University, studies microaggressions and their impact.

What are other common examples of the microaggressions heard in everyday life?

  1. “Where are you really from?”
  2. “You don’t act like a Black person.”
  3. “You’re so articulate.”
  4. “How you’ve overcome your disability is so inspiring.”
  5. “You don’t look transgender.”
  6. “You’re cooler than most (insert marginalized group here) I know.”
  7. “Your name is hard to pronounce. Can I call you this instead?”
  8. “You’re Asian? You should meet my one Chinese friend. You all may know each other.”
  9. “Is that your real hair? Can I touch it?”
  10. “I’m colorblind. I don’t see color.”

According to Sue, the statements reflect the speaker’s implicit bias, defined by Perception.org as, “when we have attitudes towards people or associate stereotypes with them without our conscious knowledge.” And though they may be thrown around casually, they have a very real impact on the people they’re directed towards.

Why are they hurtful?

Microaggressions are particularly toxic because the aggressor often doesn’t view their statement as an insult. Those who deliver them may wonder, “Why are you so sensitive,” or “Why are you making this about race?”

But here’s the thing. No matter your intention—or lack thereof—biases that you may not even be aware of lead to microaggressions, and there is no way you can determine or control how someone reacts to words they deem hurtful.

“In our research, we find that the impact of microaggressions are cumulative, causing major psychological harm,” Sue says.

It’s likely that this isn’t the first time a target has been met with questions about their perceived “superior speaking skills,” or their personality being in contrast to the assumptions that come with their ethnicity. And take it from someone who’s been there (aka this writer) it’s exhausting to constantly face tedious questions and stereotypes when you’re just trying to be yourself like everyone else.

And if you still don’t fully understand the concept…

Sue suggests we all try to unlearn the biases we’ve been indoctrinated with in the first place, regardless of your background. “All of us, even people of color, and other marginalized groups are culturally conditioned with biases, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that are detrimental to other groups,” Sue says.

Remember, the most important thing is to listen to other groups when they raise an issue that’s bothering them­—and try not to become defensive. Sue says white people in particular should keep this in mind in a society where skin color has the power to define reality.

The best thing you can do is try to understand the hurt you or someone else has caused and apply what you learn to similar circumstances in the future. When in doubt offer a genuine apology and say, “How did I offend you? Because I do not want to do it you, or anyone else, again.”

(I get it now. I hope you do also. All the best ! DH)

The complete article can be read here:


Color Personalities

Black - very accurate!


I enjoyed posting this infogram. I wanted to see how you might benefit from your liking a particular color (colour), same, same. If say you love red, are you extroverted, confident, etc. ? Do you require physical achievement, fulfillment and satisfaction ? Or, are you totally opposite of those traits and needs ?

Please comment if you have any thoughts on the information presented.

A $1 million hidden treasure chest has finally been found

a man wearing a blue shirt and smiling at the camera: In this March 22, 2013, file photo, antiquities dealer and author Forrest Fenn sits in his home in Santa Fe, New Mexico. AP Photo/Jeri Clausing, File
© AP Photo/Jeri Clausing, File In this March 22, 2013, file photo, antiquities dealer and author Forrest Fenn sits in his home in Santa Fe, New Mexico. AP Photo/Jeri Clausing, File

A bronze treasure chest that was hidden in the Rocky Mountains by an antique collector and believed to be worth more than $1 million has been found after a decade-long search.

Forrest Fenn, 89, told The Santa Fe New Mexican that his chest filled with gold, jewels, and other valuables, had been found last week.

He did not reveal where the chest was found or the name of the man who discovered it, but confirmed it was found, saying that a photograph of the chest was sent to him. He described the man who found the chest as being from “back East,” according to the New Mexican. 

“It was under a canopy of stars in the lush, forested vegetation of the Rocky Mountains and had not moved from the spot where I hid it more than 10 years ago,” Fenn, who hid the treasure in 2010 as a way to encourage people to explore nature, wrote in an announcement on his website. “I do not know the person who found it, but the poem in my book led him to the precise spot.”

During the 10-year search for the bronze chest, Fenn had posted clues as to where the treasure was on his website, and published a poem about it in his 2010 autobiography, “The Thrill of the Chase,” CNN reported.

An estimated 350,000 have searched for the treasure, the New Mexican reported, and, according to CBS News, many quit their jobs and depleted their savings in search of the valuable chest.

Many people questioned if the treasure was real at all, or if the chest had been found years prior to Fenn’s announcement.

“I think his announcement is at least a few years, and a few lives, too late. But he has to live with that. I believe this was over much earlier than today,” treasure hunter Seth Wallack told the New Mexican. “In 2020, he said the treasure was found, but doesn’t reveal any details so his narrative can’t be questioned.”

Fenn told the outlet in 2017 that the 22-pound treasure chest was very real, and that he had placed it in its hiding place himself.

“I congratulate the thousands of people who participated in the search and hope they will continue to be drawn by the promise of other discoveries,” Fenn said in his announcement of the treasure being found.

Article by Kelly McLaughlin for Insider