Communication is key to keeping your relationship strong, whether you’ve just had your first date or you’re considering marriage. Knowing your love language helps, but so can asking the right questions to understand how your partner is changing and evolving over time.
The First Date
First dates can be intimidating, but if you agreed to go on one there’s probably some commonality. What’s great too is that you know so little about this person that the questions can be endless. But keep it light and fun while interesting to you.
Questions To Ask/Answer:
- Do you like to travel? Where is your next/dream destination?
- What does a typical weekend look like for you?
- What are you watching, listening to, reading right now?
- Are you working on any personal projects?
- What is the best advice you’ve given and/or received?
- What were you like as a kid?
- Who is your best friend?
Moving In Together
Before deciding to move in together, you want to hone in on what you want in the relationship. What values are you looking for?
“Research has shown that the key life values that are important for having a happy relationship are spirituality, finance, work, family, and health,” says Chiddie. “And it’s not like everything must be the same, but you’ve got to check what are your own beliefs around these values? And how similar are they to the other person’s beliefs?”
More similarities mean few conflicts down the road.
Questions To Ask/Answer:
- How do you want to divide the labor/finances?
- How much alone time do you need?
- What do you admire about me? What are your pet peeves?
- Do we handle conflict well? What would you like to see change if anything?
- Where do you see us in five, 10 years?
Getting Married
“Marriage is a contract,” says Ben. “And if you’re going into a contract, you read the terms and conditions.” That means establishing those terms and conditions for your relationship and revisiting them as needed. “Both of you need to evolve together because now you’re a unit that you need to function together. And if you’ve seen how gears move, sometimes they move in opposite directions, just to move the vehicle forward,” he adds.
Questions To Ask/Answer:
- What does marriage mean to you?
- When do you feel most loved?
- Do we communicate well? How so?
- Do you want children and what happens if we can’t or we struggle to?
- How will we share the holidays with our respective families?
- How will you cope with changes in our sex life?
- How can we avoid drifting apart?
Already Married
It takes two to pull off a successful marriage, and sometimes making it work comes down to mindset.
“You both need to have a positive mindset and a commitment that you’re going to make the relationship work,” says Chiddie.
“In my view, there’s got to be deliberateness,” adds Ben. “It is not about love, as much as it is about commitment. Some days you’re going to wake up and not feel like doing it. But if you’ve signed a contract or you’ve committed to something, to deliver something, you do it.”
That means a regular audit of what’s working and not working, and whether you’re meeting those original terms and conditions.
Questions to Ask/Answer:
- What is one day in your life that you would want to repeat?
- What is your biggest hope? Your biggest fear?
- What is one thing I do that drives you crazy?
- What was our best meal together and why?
- What is your best memory of us so far?
- What physical trait do you love most about me?
- If you could choose any career what would it be?
- What is your 5-year goal, 10-year goal for us?
Part 1 by Theresa Gonzalez
Source: Questions To Ask At Every Relationship Stage | Brit + Co – Brit + Co
